Why it sucks

The WrestleMania times have been leaked. God how do I hate the WWE. You can't even keep the basics under wraps. If you want to see it. Look below.

* Chris Jericho vs. Fandango has been given 10 minutes
* Kane and Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler and Big E Langston has been given 12 to 15 minutes
* Ryback vs. Mark Henry has been given 12 minutes
* The Shield vs. Randy Orton, Big Show and Sheamus has been given 15 minutes
* CM Punk vs. The Undertaker has been given 20 minutes
* Jack Swagger vs. Alberto Del Rio has been given 15 minutes
* Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar has been given 20 to 30 minutes
* The Rock vs. John Cena has been given 25 to 30 minutes
* A Diddy musical performance has been given 8 minutes
* The WWE Hall of Famers coming out to wave to fans has been given 7 minutes
* The show opener and National Anthem has been given 7 minutes
* Other assorted segments throughout the show have been given 10 minutes

The longest three matches all involve part time talent. One match is all part time talent (and the second longest match on the card). Why build talent when we can just remind people of guys that used to be here, but now are just using Mania for a good pay day.

Also P-Diddy is getting about the same time as Chris Jericho. That makes sense. Mother fucker.

Anyone catch The Ultimate Fighter this week? Uriah Hall has a better build as character than most new WWE characters (Shield excluded, but that might be more the talents doing than the writers).

Still not sold on buying this show. Might be my first missed Mania in a decade.

Punk vs. Cena

Not going to do a lot of talking today. On Monday fans witnessed maybe the greatest match in RAW history as CM Punk faced off with John Cena to see who would go to WrestleMania to face the Rock for the WWE title. It was a match two years in the making.

It all began in Las Vegas during the summer of 2011 when Punk grabbed a mic and tore the wrestling world a new ass. He then went to Chicago, beat John Cena for the title, and left through the crowd leaving fans to wonder what would happen.

The two faced off again at Summer Slam to battle in a champion vs. champion match after Cena won a newly minted WWE title when CM Punk left the company. He returned and claimed to be the real champ. Cena and Punk had another classic. Once again CM Punk won.

They weaved around each other for awhile and even had another massive match at RAW 1000 when Punk started his turn to the dark side. The match was over shadowed by CM Punk laying out the Rock. That led to Punk vs. Rock at the Rumble. If you're wondering, CM Punk won this match against Cena too.

The loss by Punk to Rock at the Rumble led to the match Monday night. The crowds knew both had a heated on and off feud. They had an emotional investment in the match. Cena had done everything in the WWE except defeat CM Punk. It was the perfect storm as all of this came together to give us, the WWE fans, a match for the ages.

That is the Cena vs. Punk feud in a nutshell. Now if you missed the epic match from Monday, here it is. Big props to the WWE for putting this match online with the commercials edited out. It's awesome!

Monday Night RAW: Powerbombs and Piledrivers and Hurricanranas, Oh My!

Buckle up Dorthy, this isn’t Kansas anymore, it’s the road to WrestleMania! Lately when I have been really excited for an episode of Monday Night RAW I am usually cursing my television by 9:30. I could do the same with this episode because it had its head scratching moments. For one, this is the second Monday Night RAW in February where the WWE champion didn’t even bother to show up. And no, recap clips don’t count. Come on Dwayne, you’re better than this.

Why the WWE dusted off that old video of John Cena and JBL from when WWE went Hollywood I don’t know. I get that the Oscars were last night, but is your go to footage a few weeks before WrestleMania a video from 8 years ago. A silver lining is it did make me realize that John Cena has won 10 WWE titles in less than 8 years. CM Punk held his last reign for over a full year (Cena did have a year run, but who really talks about it. That’s sad). This means tonight’s main event is truly a battle of quality vs. quantity.

CM Punk’s two WWE title reigns are both more memorable than all 10 of John Cena’s reigns put together. The first being the infamous Vegas promo and the Chicago title win that ignited a national fever dubbed “The Summer of Punk”.  The second was a win with less fanfare but resulted in the longest title run since Hulk Hogan in the 80’s when the WWF was running wild. Both are signature achievements in the WWE history books while John’s runs as champ are mere footnotes.  He did get to make 12 rounds, so that’s special.

I could bitch about a lot but if the WWE gives me two segments like the opening and the main event, then I’ll happily shut my trap. That was probably the hottest start to Monday Night RAW in 2013. I can hate on Vince McMahon but the man is a top tier worker. Paul Heyman is no slouch either. The two are always must watch TV.

Brock and HHH stole the show with an amazing brawl and Lesnar took one hell of a hard way gash. With the WWE cutting back on blood during matches, it really stands out as something special when it happens; even if it is by accident. I think Lesnar looks scarier when his face is covered in his own blood. That dude is fierce as in if we both ended up in a jail cell together then I would just accept the fact that I’m his wife.

That opening had the place going nuts and would be hard to follow. That is why the WWE has guys like Dolph Ziggler to handle such sticky situation. Poor Dolph can’t even get a TV entrance, which is an insult cause the guy made Ryback look like a million dollars. You can tell that the months working with Punk have helped develop Ryback. He and Ziggler had a good match to get things started on RAW. I know some don’t enjoy the circus around Dolph but I think AJ and Big E add a lot to his persona. I say add more people to the mix. What is David Otunga doing?

The CM Punk promo wasn’t his best. It actually felt out of place on the show. It did serve two purposes. One is that it hyped the main event for later. That is always good, and something the WWE tends to skip over. The second is that it began his build towards believing himself a “god”. He is calling himself immortal and legendary. Who else could say that? I bet it is the same guy who is undefeated at WrestleMania. My fingers are crossed.

They inducted Donald Trump into the Hall of Fame. I think it is kind of fitting that he goes in around the same time that the WWE is doing a crazy right wing nut character. Will Trump ask Del Rio for his birth certificate? I don’t have an issue with him being the celebrity inductee. It’s in New York and Trump is a symbol of New York like rats, urine filled subways, and the Jets.

Mark Henry beats up Khali. I approve of this. It was short. It was sweet. It helped push Henry as the biggest baddest dude in the WWE. It’s simple and I like simple. Plus it keeps Khali from trying to wrestle, which benefits us all.

It looks like Jack Swagger won’t be suspended. The WWE Wellness Policy is a joke. Again I will state that this runs parallel with the McMahon life motto of, “Money over morality”. Remember kids don’t do drugs, unless you’re making us rich. In that case, roll a fatty and go make some Youtube videos with the dwarf from Lord of the Rings.

I liked the Miz TV segment. If the Dallas crowd wasn’t a total waste then that would have gotten a bigger reaction. Uncle Zeb is a great character. Jack Swagger is truly taking a back seat to him. It works because Swagger is a better second fiddle than a leader. Alberto Del Rio came off strong and held his own against Wilford Brimley (diabetes). This will pay off down the line because one of the arenas is going to have a lively crowd that will give these men the reaction they deserve. Given New York’s strong relationship with this country’s immigrant population, I would say that WrestleMania should be an interesting crowd.

They sure as hell put the duo of Zeb and Swagger on TV a lot tonight. They got a long segment, a tease on the all-important WWE app, a match with Miz, and some video promo time. I don’t mind it because this whole thing is going to take a few cracks with the bat to get established. I will say that every time I see the videos from Zeb’s basement all I can think to myself is, “Johnny Lawrence grew up and left the Cobra Kai dojo to join a militia led by Gwildor from He-Man”.

It’s Old School RAW next week. The WWE then gave us a match straight out of the 80’s with Cesaro vs. Orton. Or should I say Nikita Koloff vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts. Another fun match as both men work really well with each other. Cesaro does what mid-card champs do and jobs to Orton. No shame it that, just wish it didn’t happen so often.

Sheamus likes movies. He makes fun of Wade Barrett. Wade gets cocky. It is a simple build to what should be a good feud. Still confused because I thought Sheamus also was feuding with the Shield. I guess he can take on four men at once. He probably will and win. It’s not a far stretch when the tag champs beat the former #1 contenders blind folded with an arm tied behind their backs. 

The Prime Time Players are finished. I don’t care if they tag together until 2020, they are finished. You can’t take a team serious that just lost to a blind folded one armed team. That is literally losing an ass kicking contest to a one legged man. Darren Young should start filling out applications at Home Depot, his future is bleak.

R-Truth and Rhodes was a backdrop to Sandow setting up a future singles match. They are getting closer to a Rhodes Scholars reunion. The announcers try to insinuate that Rhodes and Sandow are more than friends. Billy and Chuck are jealous. It should be a good low-card tag feud for both teams. Not much more I can say about this.

Dean Ambrose is clearly the breakout star of the Shield. Seth Rollins is getting better every week, and this was clearly his best promo, but Ambrose has it all. In baseball they would call him a five tool prospect. It would seem the WWE is setting up another WWE All Stars vs. The Shield match for WrestleMania. I think Orton is on that team. I would even say Chris Jericho too. Maybe Ryback is the third. All in all I am enjoying their run so far, but it could get stale unless The Shield moves beyond flavor-of-the-month six man tags.

The Miz wrestled Jack Swagger. They had a good match. Both men can bring it in the ring. Swagger and Colter are starting to gain momentum with the fans. The WWE again tries to bait the right wing media by name dropping Ann Coulter. This match established how deadly the Patriot Lock is as a finisher. The next few weeks should be interesting. I don’t see Swagger losing much going into Mania. He needs to look almost unbeatable.

John Cena did a promo. He now cuts a promo the way a 5 year old tries to tell a story. It is usually all over the place with tons of misplaced energy. His parents shouldn’t let him have sugar so late on a school night. At least he mentioned his match coming up unlike some current WWE champions had forgotten to do two weeks ago. (7 minutes without mentioning the Elimination Chamber, come on Dwayne!)

If John Cena and CM Punk want to put on matches like that then screw the Rock. He can stay home for WrestleMania. That was probably the best match Monday Night RAW has seen since Jeff Hardy vs. The Undertaker in a ladder match. I would pay to see them wrestle one more time. It is that damn good. The last ten minutes of the match was as close to perfect as I’ve seen.

I liked that they showed Cena pulling out new tricks to beat Punk. At first Punk would counter his usual move set like the double shoulder tackle. He even countered the STFU. That is when the first banned move came into play. Always fun to watch the announcers squirm when somebody uses a crippler crossface. Chris Benoit would have been proud. John Cena also debuts his Powerbomb, and I hope he keeps it in his arsenal. It looked really good.

Then CM Punk pulls his own banned move and does the Piledriver 80’s style. Word is Vince McMahon blew his top when that happened because the move has been outlawed for years. Goes to show how much Punk and Cena not only trust each other, but understand their value in the company. It’s not like they’re going to get suspended. The crowd lost it for such a basic maneuver. It is dangerous, and can cripple, but this match was the kind of match where you push the line a bit. Kudos to both men for going beyond the limit.

Again the end was classic. It’ll be hard for any Mania match to top that last ten minutes. They told an epic story that neither man’s best was going to be enough to beat the other. They went at it like Apollo and Balboa by trading haymaker type move after haymaker type move. They should issue this match at wrestling schools as a requirement for graduation.

You can criticize Cena’s hurricanrana all you want. It was sloppy, but when a man his size does that move, it is impressive just to see it. Also he should thank Punk for protecting him during the move as he kept Cena from getting lawn darted in the middle of the ring. With that performance, John Cena deserves to be going to WrestleMania; I hope the Rock remembers to show up too.

There were some holes in this week’s episode but the good by far outweighed the bad. I’ll take that every single week with a smile on my face. I’m geeked to watch Main Event and Smackdown this week. I can’t wait for next Monday.

I want to know where CM Punk is going from here. I want more of Brock vs. HHH. I want to see how Uncle Zeb and Jack Swagger continue to grow. I want to find out what the Shield will do next, and if Orton will pay for his RKO. I also want the WWE champion to appear. That is a lot of wants.
Until next week, you can't always get what you want but if you try sometimes, well you might find you get what you need. This week I wanted the Rock, the Undertaker, and Jack Swagger suspended. I must have needed CM Punk vs. John Cena. Needs are always better than wants.

Plus I got to make three different Uncle Zeb look-a-like jokes. Dude must make a killing at the carnival running the mustache rides. And I’m out…

Monday Night RAW: New Beginnings

This weekend was a long and crazy one. I made the nine hour trek back to Michigan to see my mom, then hauled ass back yesterday. Luckily I made it back in time to see RAW. It was a short visit, but always good to see her. For those regularly following this blog, I’ll let you know she is in high spirits and hasn’t let cancer take the smile off her face.

Normally it is Monday Night RAW that has a moment (or an entire hour) that takes the smile off my face. This week I can’t say that. Following a strong pay per view the WWE hit the ground running on the road to WrestleMania. Not only was the announcement of New Orleans huge for next year’s Mania, but the overall three hours was jammed packed with goodness.

The start with Cena and Punk again showed that Superman in Jorts isn’t in Punk’s league when it comes to mic work. Cena is completely over the top and looks like an idiot. Punk baits him into putting his rumble golden ticket on the line and he jumps in feet first. Remember kids eat your fruity pebbles and say your catchphrases so you can grow up to be a meathead sucker. Now next week we get Punk vs. Cena in the main event. I like that and the ratings should be good.

Mark Henry is a beast. Since coming back he has looked amazing. I don’t know what a feud with Khali is going to do for him. I hope that isn’t his WrestleMania opponent. Maybe the WWE is building towards a massive six man with Khali, Tensai, and Brodus vs. Henry, Big Show, and ?.

I actually wouldn’t mind combining the circus of Khali (with Hornswoggle & Natalya) and the sideshow of Brodus & Tensai (with the two big booty strippers). While we’re at it throw Santino & Zack Ryder in there. Oh a big 10 man tag of the goofballs vs. the ass kickers. That would be a good Mania undercard match. Plus I want to see Natayla dancing with the big booty strippers. Yeah, that’s good stuff.

It looks like The Miz and Antonio Cesaro will continue their feud over the US title. The WWE doesn’t do hardcore matches very much anymore. This was some decent plunder and the win by the Miz signals that these two will probably dance once more at Mania. I’m guessing a flag match. Good opening hour match up. I like the logic of the follow up to a DQ loss is a no DQ weapons match. It’s simple and makes sense. That figure four is still ugly.

Zeb and Swagger are a good heel gimmick. Some say it is racist, and it is. It also is how a large sect of people in this country (and my office building) think. I’m very involved in politics, and that kind of speak with that “don’t tread on me” flag in the background aren’t a rarity in this country. Hell that video could have been a weekend segment on Fox News. I do like how the WWE is trying to really push that these are crazy views. I still believe this feud between Del Rio and Swagger would have been better post-Mania.

The Bryan and Kane slow split continues. We do get two good singles matches out of it. That is good. The bad acting between Vickie and Heyman continues. We get an in ring segment with them later. That is also good. I kid about the bad acting, the backstage promos just stick out lately. I think it is the way they are shooting them that changed.

Del Rio vs. Dolph was a fun match and just a way to keep Alberto strong while reminding us Dolph has the money in the bank. The tease and the stealing of the case was great. Kudos to the WWE for keeping the MITB case fresh for this many months. Dolph has kept that case longer than anyone else, but he needs to act soon before it gets stale.

Wade Barrett is pushing his movie. Sheamus has a Hollywood friend who is the real star of Wade’s movie. Sheamus insults Barrett. Now we have the seeds for a feud. It is simple, but it makes sense. I wonder how Bo Dallas will play into this story. I don’t see Sheamus wanting an IC title run. I could see him as the guy that costs Wade the title on RAW against Bo Dallas and then Sheamus & Wade have a physical match at Mania. Fingers crossed.

The mixed six man tag was what it was. They got Tensai and Brodus more established as a team. They got dancing involved to get the crowd hyped. The big booty strippers danced and wrestled. A nice way to lighten the mood before Uncle Zeb comes out to talk about “Real America”.

They are really putting a lot behind Jack Swagger. Uncle Zeb is great on the mic. He always has been. I like when the WWE does something like this because wrestling has always been an exaggerated microscope to look at our current culture. ECW was the grunge and anti-establishment movement of the 90’s symbolized in a wrestling promotion. Sgt. Slaughter joined Iraq’s army to fight Hogan. It is what wrestling does well. It finds the real life heroes and villains, then lets the masses watch them fight. I know I’d like to punch people like Zeb in the face on a daily basis. Now millions will pay to see it.

Swagger has always put on good matches when working with good talent. He can’t carry talent, but he is a serviceable hand when working with talented wrestlers. Daniel Bryan is a top three talent inside the ring. Their match was really strong and did a lot to make Swagger look like a true threat to the title. If ADR is the worker he looks to be then him and Swagger should have a great match at Mania. Again I just wish this feud was saved until after Mania for the summer months. I would have liked to see Swagger’s gimmick develop more against like Rey Mysterio or Sin Cara.

Side note: I’m like 2.3% hoping that Del Wilkes does a WrestleMania run in as The Patriot to help Del Rio. Or even help out Swagger. Sure Wilkes is 50, but when has that ever stopped wrestlers from returning for a final run. Imagine the Patriot in the background standing beside Swagger as Uncle Zeb cuts his “Real America” promos. It would be a unique visual.

Brad Maddox is now the assistant to the temporary figure head of RAW. So what. I have no care for this character at all. Maybe now that he has a solid spot (kinda) on the roster I’ll develop a care for him. As of right now I couldn’t tell you if he appears on TV or not because he isn’t a blip on my radar, just a fly in my soup. We do get Vince McMahon fighting Paul Heyman next week. I like it.

HOLY CRAP! That six man tag was awesome. During the promo with Jericho I had the feeling he would turn on Sheamus and Ryback to be revealed as the man behind The Shield. I was wrong and I’m glad. I really hope Jericho is part of the Shield’s match at Mania. He works well with all three members. I don’t think the WWE can keep doing thrown together six man tags with the Shield, but for right now it is awesome stuff.

They had that crowd going last night and could do no wrong. In fact I would take a photo of that match and put it in the wrestling dictionary next to “Hot Tag” because they had like three of them last night. I could have watched those six wrestle for an entire hour.

Kofi and Sandow happened. It was merely taking place so R-Truth could come back and so that he could tag with Kofi against Team Rhodes Scholars. I’m in favor of that. I hope both stay in the tag division, especially with Kane and Bryan headed towards singles action. Nothing truly special here.

Kane and Orton was fun. They push the breakup of Team Hell No. Orton gets a win to stay strong after losing the chamber match last night. This was a match serving multiple purposes. Another strong segment for the WWE.

The Rock strolls down to the ring for his end of the show segment. The ratings info shows that is when he needs to come out. Plus it lets him swear and talk about sex organs. Without a true opponent for WrestleMania yet, he unveils a new belt. I also like that when he was about to announce who he wants to face, the music cut him off. They’re leaving the door open for Rock vs. Punk 3 and Rock vs. Cena 2, or Rock vs. Cena vs. Punk. It keeps me interested for the future, and that is all I ask for.

As for the new belt, I’m a fan. It looks way better than that spinner belt. An upgrade and, as the picture from above shows, the side plates are interchangeable. Right now they have bulls for Rock. They could end up being “X’s” for Punk or Mini-spinners for Cena. Randy Orton could win it and they could use pot leaves. Hell Steve Austin could win it and they could be smoking skulls. I like the option to individualize the title to fit the champion. They could also just put the generic “WWE” plates in after Rock drops the belt. Either way it is a better title than what they have had for 8 years.

The new title gives the WWE product a feeling that a new era really is upon us. The booking would say the same thing. Swagger is getting a monster push. The Shield is beating everyone under the sun. CM Punk was presented as Rock’s equal on the PPV with a legit gripe that he had Rock beat in the center for the ring for an 18 count. All in all, it is a new beginning for the WWE and I’m digging it.

Quazi’s Crystal Ball: The Elimination Chamber

(None of These Men Are In A Chamber Match)

We’re on the road to WrestleMania. Right now it is time for that pee break at the shady rest area with holes in the stalls known as, “The Elimination Chamber”. Normally this pay per view isn’t anything special, and just aligns the last few pieces headed into WrestleMania. This year is a bit different. The Rock is champion. The pay per view now only has one chamber match. Also John Cena has found his own Macho Man & Miss Elizabeth, and formed a Mega Powers for this generation. I’ll let you guess who Liz is and who is Savage.

Since this pay per view is sandwiched between the two biggest events on the WWE calendar, it traditionally gets lost in the shuffle. The WWE rolls out two chamber matches for the titles, the rumble winner waits to see who emerges, and the WWE sells tickets based on plunder. This edition of the Elimination Chamber PPV has a different feel to it. It feels like a real event and not a pit stop on our way to bigger and better things.

A lot of this is due to The Rock. He and CM Punk will once again headline a pay per view and make the namesake of the event part of the undercard. The Chamber match has a variety of intriguing storylines. A case can (and will) be made for all six men to challenge for the World title. The World title should be wrapping up a decent feud. Alberto Del Rio is now a full-fledged face and that means this feud has run its course. Finally, The Shield goes toe-to-toe with the WWE all-star team of John Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback (A.k.a. The Just-Us League). I don’t know who is winning, but I know which Jort wearing superhero isn’t taking the pin.

Now I’m going to crank my Vanilla Ice station on Pandora and get this preview and prediction going … A1A BEACHFRONT AVENUE!

Brodus Clay & Tensai vs. Team Rhodes Scholars – Internet Pre-Show Match

The Rhodes Scholars broke up a few weeks ago to try their hand at singles action. I don’t think they have won a match since. I don’t even think they have lasted longer than 5 minutes. Now they’re back as a tag team. I did see a funny picture over the weekend of Rhodes and Sandow at a press conference with the New Age Outlaws where they had a “Rhodes Scholars Reunion Tour” T-shirt. If that is the direction they are going with this then I am a big fan of that. I like them better as a team than as singles. They are good times on the mic and in the ring.

Tensai and Clay are the bastard child of one of the worst segments in WWE history. Tensai danced and Clay acted like a bad Saturday morning cartoon. Now they are a tag team. They are even asking the twitterverse for a new team name. I’m guessing it will be unveiled during this match. My vote goes to, “Monsters of Funk”.

This will probably be the easiest match to call during the event. There is no chance that the Rhodes Scholars derail the Funk Train before it gets out of the station. It should be a nice 8 minute match. Maybe even get the Rhodes Scholars back in the tag division. If that happens then we all win.

Winner: Clay & Tensai (and wrestling writers when the two dancing ladies touch butts)

Kaitlyn vs. Tamina Snuka – WWE Divas Title

Kaitlyn makes her first pay per view title defense. Tamina Snuka can wrestle. I’ll be in the bathroom. I am guessing this match goes on between the Chamber match and the Rock vs. Punk main event. Nothing to really preview here. If the WWE isn’t going to invest time into developing this division, then I’m not investing mine in talking about.

Winner: Kaitlyn (and my beer soaked bladder)

Antonio Cesaro vs. The Miz – WWE United States Championship

I am a big fan of Cesaro. He is so talented in the ring, and I enjoy his promos. Some knock his ability with the mic, but I laugh every time he talks. His character and persona is a fresh twist on a classic heel. He also happens to be one of the strongest wrestlers the WWE has ever had. This past Monday when he tossed The Miz around like a small child was a very cool sight to see.

Miz has been a pin ball for the WWE. He is announcing for their Main Event show. He is kind of feuding with Dolph Ziggler as Ric Flair’s protégé. He also is dropping CM Punk on his neck. This feud has been a good undercard battle, but like Del Rio & Big Show, these two need fresh fights. It has run its course and I believe Miz needs something to help develop this “New Nature Boy” gimmick.

This should be another solid bout. Cesaro can help protect Miz in the ring. Miz isn’t a slouch himself. I think this is a perfect opener for the pay per view. It should also help catapult Cesaro into a higher standing with the WWE audience. His next feud needs to be with an upper mid-card talent. I just don’t see Miz as the US champ. It seems like the title does more for Antonio. If Miz wins that would be the shocker of the night.

Winner: Antonio Cesaro (and America... ‘Merica!)

Alberto Del Rio vs. The Big Show – WWE World Championship

This is the feud that will never end. I haven’t been a fan of this for the past few weeks. It just never seems to get legs as the storyline progresses. I like both men. I think Big Show is a good cocky heel. He should because he’s the biggest meanest man alive. I also like Alberto Del Rio as a baby face. The transition is complete. The two of them together just haven’t clicked for me.

I’m assuming this feud wraps up and both men go their separate ways. Gee that is being said a lot for this pay per view. It should be a good match but they started this feud with a plunder match and are wrapping it with a traditional singles match. That is some backwards booking, but it helped achieve the new fan friendly Del Rio. I again can’t see Big Show walking out with the strap. Too many great contenders in the Chamber match for Del Rio.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio (and the male scarf industry)

The Shield vs. The Just-Us League

Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns have been the best thing the WWE has done in a long, long time. They are the Nexus with better writing. They are three talented performers with each having a unique persona that sets them apart. Ambrose is the crazy mastermind with a silver tongue. Rollins comes off as the daredevil willing to do whatever to achieve his goal. Reigns is a certified nasty beast with some great charisma. The WWE has protected them with a limited amount of wrestling including never giving away matches for free on TV.

John Cena has to wait until Mania to get his title match. That means he has time to fight The Shield. He has two new buddies in Sheamus and Ryback. They are all muscle heads who can’t stand that three punks like the Shield think they can be main eventers. They don’t even have biceps on top of biceps or veins shooting out of their necks, what kind of main eventers could they be?!? It would seem that Cena and company are the symbolic glass ceiling coming for the new guys. They are the Just-Us League.

Traditionally this is where Cena crushes the Shield and uses their momentum to propel himself into WrestleMania. The Shield has been so protected that I think the WWE doesn’t want to do anything to stop their rise. I don’t see Cena taking the pin as he needs to be untarnished when facing the WWE champion in New York. I also don’t see Ryback getting beat as he continues to build a strong following. That means it looks like the ginger warrior is going to get a 3 second tan.

Winner: The Shield (and Smarks around the globe)

Chris Jericho vs. Kane vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry vs. Jack Swagger
Elimination Chamber Match: Winner gets a World title shot at WrestleMania

This is a true crap shoot of a match up. I have no real clue who is going to walk out and face Del Rio for the title at WrestleMania. All six men have great cases for being the one to get the chance.

Bryan and Kane are still tag champs. They are headed toward a split. I don’t think either is getting a title shot because there is still more to be done with the duo. They have both been great assets for the company, but neither needs the title picture right now. I see them squaring off at Mania, possibly in a singles match for the tag titles.

Chris Jericho would be my dark horse but he seems to have unfinished business with Dolph Ziggler. Unless Ziggs cashes in the money in the bank on Del Rio, then Jericho isn’t winning. Now if Dolph does win the title from Del Rio that changes things. Jericho would be the top choice to win this thing. Right now I think the WWE is going to ride out Del Rio for a bit longer.

Jack Swagger is coming back with a vengeance. His new persona with manager Uncle Zeb is tailor made for a feud with Del Rio. He is the right wing crazy nut job that thinks immigrants are ruining this country. He’s a real American patriot. He’s Ted Nugent with a bowl cut. He needs to build this character. His shot at Del Rio is probably happening post-Mania.

Reefer Randy and Mark Henry are the true two when it comes to this match. I am fifty-fifty on both. Orton has a long history with Del Rio, and that could help sell this match up as now Del Rio is the baby face & Orton is heading toward heel status. The WWE could use this few weeks to make the turn and give Del Rio a very creditable win at WrestleMania.

Mark Henry is a beast and has come back stronger than ever. He is tearing the WWE midcard a new ass. He, like Swagger, might be too fresh to challenge for the title. His character is so established though it might not matter. I just don’t think losing at WrestleMania is going to be good for the long run. A Henry vs. Del Rio match at Summer Slam might be better.

Winner: Randy Orton (and his pot dealer… puff puff RKO!!!)

The Rock vs. CM Punk – WWE Championship – Rock Loses Title on DQ or Count Out

The Rock won the title and the WWE championship hasn’t been seen on a house show since. It also didn’t appear on an episode of RAW two week ago. Hell the champ forgot for 7 minutes during his promo this week to even mention the pay per view this Sunday. He did have a Super Bowl commercial, and three major motion pictures coming out, so that balances things out.

There is no doubt the WWE is better with The Rock in the fold. He brings casual fans back to the product. He sells tickets. He just doesn’t need the WWE title to do so. The guy sells tickets if you promote that he will be doing a cooking demo in the ring. Pancakes with The Rock would be the highest rated segment on RAW. It just stings to purists like myself that the WWE’s top title has been M.I.A. from the product for nearly three weeks. It shows that the WWE really cares more about the “E” than the “W”.

CM Punk on the other hand has been lights out since losing the title. He has carried this feud on his own. His promos are top notch. He has been tearing the house down in the ring with any talent on the roster. The Alfred to his Batman, Paul Heyman, has been on a solid run too. Add it all together and it turns this rematch into one of the biggest matches of the year. No thanks to the WWE champ.

Again the two will have a great match. I would think better than their Royal Rumble show down since Rock has gotten some ring rust off and they both have a feeling for one another now. The stipulation came out of nowhere, so that has to play a role. Also Brock Lesnar is always lurking in the wings. I think shenanigans will unfold. I just don’t see the WWE dropping the idea of Cena vs. Rock 2.

I could see Punk winning by DQ or Count Out, and the stipulation being disputed the next night on RAW. Something like Vince’s voice on the phone was doctored by Paul Heyman and HHH comes out to throw out the decision. That leads to Brock and HHH getting in each other’s faces. This would be the kick off to their WrestleMania match. That would mean the “winner” on the pay per view would be …

Winner: By Shenanigans, the NEW WWE Champion CM Punk (and house show audiences)

The only match that hasn’t made the card is an intercontinental title match for Wade Barrett. I assume his next title defense is against Bo Dallas. They might save that for the next night on RAW. It wouldn’t surprise me if they had some kind of angle during the PPV like a backstage attack during a promo.

From top to bottom this looks to be one of the best pay per view offering the WWE has had this year. The Rock being on the card makes anything look better, but there is 3 quality main event matches here. It bodes very well for the strength of this year’s WrestleMania. As a wrestling fan, I’m getting spoiled in 2013. Aside from that 9 PM hour a couple weeks ago on RAW, that still hurts.

I recommend shelling out the cash for this show. It should have a couple twists during the broadcast. Don’t do it in HD. It isn’t worth the extra 15 bucks. Use that money to get beer. It makes the Divas match more entertaining, or at least makes sure you have a reason to use the bathroom when they come out. Drunk or pissing, either way you’re a winner!

Monday Night RAW: Hugs and Headlocks

Did you know there is a pay per view this Sunday? If not then the WWE did a good job of telling you. Almost the whole three hours this week had some role in the Elimination Chamber event this weekend. The WWE champion also appeared for a quick cup of coffee, and a shitty story. I feel special.

Maybe it was me, but this week seemed to have more bad acting than usual. Some of the promos, in-ring and backstage, came across as scenes from a soap opera. Even Paul Heyman and CM Punk pulled the over-the-top dramatic act. I think they were trying to make fools of themselves, but it continued through the night.

I guess it all got started when Paul Heyman came to the ring. He was being topical by resigning, as the Pope did earlier in the day, and talked about how the WWE is against him. It was a good promo that told a good story. It might have been drawn out. The end where CM Punk almost begs Paul to stay in his corner was the campiest the duo has been during their run. I couldn’t tell if they were making fun of the situation, or if this was just some class A crap acting. Also did Punk wink during their hug? Is he turning on Heyman? Or did I just see things?

Mark Henry crushes things. There is nothing fake or campy about him. I only wished he would have smashed Khali quicker. It would have saved us from watching Khali try and wrestle. He could have done just a bum rush to start the match, and then do the kill-the-midget spot.  I’m being nitpicky, but more destruction & less Khali are good things. Mark Henry looks fantastic in his return. A great addition to the WWE roster for WrestleMania season.

Vickie and Paul have more bad acting. Vince calls on the phone. He agrees to Heyman’s stipulation that if Rock gets DQ’d or counted out, then he loses the title. I have a feeling that Vince’s voice was faked. It makes no sense that McMahon would give Heyman air to breathe, let alone a stipulation in his favor. Prepare for this to play into Sunday, as in Rock gets DQ’d and then the decision is upheld on Monday. I smell a Rock vs. Punk vs. Cena match at WrestleMania.

Jericho vs. Bryan was a really fun match. While I enjoy Team Hell No, Daniel Bryan is ready to be a top singles star for the WWE. He can have a good match with anyone. He can have amazing matches with the other main event stars. I really hope Bryan and Cena can have a nice feud once Superman in Jorts gets out of the title picture. I think they could do good things for both men’s current status in the company. The elimination chamber match this Sunday is shaping up to be a strong bout.

John Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback toss around 3MB and then cut a promo. Nothing new here. Pretty text book way of pushing the super baby faces, or as I call them “The Just-Us League”, before the pay per view. It should be a hot 6 man tag on Sunday.

Big Show and Alberto Del Rio continue their feud. I have no interest right now. They aren’t doing anything bad, but their segments don’t get me excited. Show is mad that people are laughing at him. ADR is learning how to be a good guy. I like both men, just not in this feud anymore. Hopefully after Sunday they can both go their own way. Del Rio’s match was a glorified squash. Poor Sandow.

Jack Swagger is a crazy right wing nut job now. Uncle Zeb is going to do a lot for Swagger. I bet Ted Nugent and Rush Limbaugh are fans. The former Dutch Mantel is one of the best minds in the business. He has made a lot of the big names people know in this industry. Swagger has always lacked that kind of long term mentor to teach him the little things. He has always been gifted, but now Swagger may have found the key to breaking through. He looks to be building towards a show down with Alberto Del Rio. I hope they hold off until after WrestleMania. That could be a strong summer feud. Look for Swagger to pick up at least one pin in the chamber this weekend.

I have friends who like Wade Barrett. He just doesn’t do much for me. He never did on NXT. He never did as the leader of the Nexus. He doesn’t now as the IC champ. The Bo Dallas program is a good one. Barrett needs a big time feud to push him. He’s another guy who could benefit from a long summer program with somebody like Daniel Bryan or Chris Jericho.

Miz got his receipt from this weekend. The whole match up with Cody Rhodes’ Mustache was a backdrop to continue the Cesaro feud. Antonio, who is one strong gentleman, does an amazing spot with the Miz. He swings him around and smashes his body into the guardrail repeatedly. I enjoyed this, and look forward to their singles match this Sunday.

Now Cesaro and Barrett don’t have matches this Sunday. Normally I would say they would both get matches. In fact I believe Barrett will face Bo Dallas during the internet pre-show, and Cesaro will face Miz during the pay per view. Maybe they can do Barrett & Cesaro vs. Miz & Dallas in a tag match. It would be another way for Dallas to pin Barrett and move their feud along. That would be a good 8-10 min pre-show match.

My crystal ball is working overtime. I called Jack Swagger’s gimmick last week. Now Brodus Clay and Tensai are squashing tag teams. I like them as a team and it looks like they’ll get a couple weeks to build their reputation. Their finisher of a running head butt followed up by a senton splash is a strong finisher. When they get the fluidity of that finisher worked out it will look super cool. Especially for two big men with tons of agility.

The Shield cuts their longest promo. It is nice, but it didn’t have the same energy they have had in the past. It felt like they were just off the mark. The good guys come out and clean house. Brawling into the stands always looks good on camera. The crowd got hyped for this segment. Again this looks be a great match up for Sunday. I’m thinking two pro-good guy segments on RAW means a win for the Shield on the pay per view. I just don’t know who takes the pin in that one. Odds are on Sheamus.

Kane versus Dolph Ziggler was a fine television main event. They both had good reasons for being in the chamber. Kane is starting to get testy with Daniel Bryan. Dolph wants to get his hands on Jericho. Only one man can continue their path. They have a good little match with some shenanigans by AJ and Big E. In the end Dolph learns he is better off on his own than with his traveling psycho circus. Looks like Kane and Bryan are headed to splitsville before Mania. Dang I liked them as a team.

Last week The Rock didn’t even show up. Now we wait until the very end of the show for him to come out. He tries to pretend he had an indy career because he wrestled for a few months in Nashville for 40 dollars. Less than a year later he was on the WWE main event roster. Not exactly a story of struggle. We did however get a story from the Rock.

That was the most boring promo the Rock has cut since his return. He really thought he had gold with that “crackhead” line. Too bad it bombed. It bombed every time he mentioned crackheads. First rule of comedy is when a joke doesn’t fly; you don’t keep trying to make it work. The Rock does little to really help push the main event this Sunday. It again was about The Rock, and his glorified past. You know the one where the cool 15 year old Rock is drinking in bars and driving stolen cars.

Punk comes out with Paul Heyman and they remind people there is another person in the match this Sunday besides Rock & his ego. They puff chests at each other, and then a brawl breaks out. Punks steals the title, as he should, and in a few minutes Punk does more for their match up than the champ has done in two weeks. But Rock did have a Superbowl commercial and 3 movies coming out, so that helps numbers … riiiigggghhhhttttt. 

I have a feeling this stipulation was tagged onto this match because the WWE knows that the Rock won’t lay down, but they can’t keep the title on him. I am calling something screwy this weekend. Maybe Brock attacks Punk to get Rock DQ’d. Maybe Rock gets demolished by Brock and gets counted out. I just can’t stop thinking they are going to uphold the title with this decision and end up with the Rock vs. Punk vs. Cena for WrestleMania. In the end that is a better match than Rock vs. Cena. So I’ll take it.

This is the current card going into the Elimination Chamber PPV:

WWE Title
Rock vs. CM Punk
If Rock gets DQ’d or Counted Out he loses the title

World Title
Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show

The Shield vs. The Just-Us League

Elimination Chamber
Chris Jericho vs. Kane vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger vs. Mark Henry vs. Randy Orton
Winner gets a world title match at WrestleMania

WWE Divas title
Kaitlyn vs. Tamina Snuka

Not Announced: Wade Barrett IC title match up & Antonio Cesaro US title match up

I’ll have another edition of Quazi’s Crystal Ball to give a preview and predictions for this Sunday. Look for that this Friday afternoon. Until then, Elimination Chamber looks like a strong pay per view. One of the best non-major pay per views of the year. Kudos to the WWE on really bringing it this WrestleMania season, minus an hour of programming a couple of weeks ago. I’m still going to therapy for that. I need a hug.

Monday Night RAW: WTF

The earlier versions of this review contained a high concentration of the phrase, “What the fuck?”. I decided that I needed a day to let my thoughts clear. Even a day later, I still hold the same sentiment towards this post-Rumble Raw. That 9 PM hour was on par with some of the crap WCW Thunder used to churn out. This week should have been dubbed “The Shit Factory” because that seems to be all that creative could produce.

It wasn’t an all bad RAW. There were some really good moments. That actually made things worse because you’d get crushed, then your hopes would go up, and finally they would get crushed again. I feel that people cheered for Brock Lesnar giving Vince an F5 because they had to sit through three hours of that sludge. Make me watch Tensai in lingerie … take that old man!

Things started on the right track. CM Punk and Paul Heyman did a good job of putting their spin on the events of the night before. He got screwed by Vince, and he sold it. Again Punk delivers another great promo and Vince does the smart thing by doing a short response with a tease for later. This was a really strong opening segment that hooked fans in for later, recapped the events of the night before, and put more steam into Punk & Rock’s feud.

The match between Orton and Cesaro was fun. These two work really well together and Miz as the guest ref helped give Cesaro a purpose in this match aside from putting Randy Orton over. For the most part Miz didn’t try to do too much, which happens with guest refs. Or regular refs on the indy circuit (I.E. Any ref that thinks doing moonsaults during a match is cool). The finish was clunky but it all worked. Orton got to get the win and Miz got his revenge from the night before. The after match finisher might have been too much as Miz is the good guy here. I guess the lines are blurred with him.

Ryback and The Prime Time Players had a joke off. The WWE wasted a promising tag team with this segment. Ryback didn’t need to be here. This was the first big waste of the night. Ryback is a monster and shouldn’t be in stupid SNL skit type segments. He’s Scott Norton, not Buff Bagwell.

I enjoy the story starting between Wade Barrett and Bo Dallas. Bo takes a beating but the cocky Barrett gets caught for the pin. I don’t know about Dallas using the belly-to-belly for the finish, a school boy or small package would have been better than a finisher. It’s nitpicky.

Now here is where the show begins to go off the rails.

Cody Rhodes is part of a tag team. He challenged for the tag titles the night before. He even got a great reaction during the Rumble, especially when his brother entered. This means people kind of care about him. That means his character has something the WWE should be capitalizing on. John Cena just wiped the floor with him. There is a ton of jobbers on this roster. Cody Rhodes shouldn’t be one of them. I guess his tag team with Sandow is done. Poor Cody … that mustache deserves more respect.

Then Cena cuts another promo where he gets lost in the middle. Oh and he gives away a segment for later. He talks about the challenge of facing either CM Punk or The Rock, depending on which is champ. So he knew that an hour later Punk was going to challenge Rock to a singles match at the elimination chamber PPV? Great way to spoil the surprise. There should be people watching these details. I’m guessing the Shield attacked him because the injustice was that Cena couldn’t remember not to talk about the 10 PM hour to begin the 9 PM hour. I like the idea of the chamber being a slimmed downed version of War Games between two 3-man teams. See there is something positive.

Until after 10 PM, Monday Night RAW was unwatchable. Tensai (Matt Bloom) is a helluva worker. The segment with him in lingerie and then dancing with Brodus Clay was on par with Mae Young giving birth to hand or HHH dry humping a mannequin. Tensai did the only thing he could and showed his ass.

There are some times when something is so out there and crazy that the only way to make it entertaining is to stretch it beyond its silliness. That is what Tensai did. Kudos to him on owning that shit sandwich of a segment. Also why does Brodus Clay now act like a bad Saturday morning cartoon character? The guy who comes to the ring with two big booty strippers is geared towards the 6 years and younger audience? Makes sense to me.

I get what they tried to do with Alberto Del Rio and Big Show. It just should have been a lot shorter and with more energy. The whole bit of tying up Del Rio and Show torturing Ricardo took forever. Aside from an entertaining Rumble match, this feud has been a dud. They need to wrap this up and move onto something new for both men. You know it is bad when Shane Helms, who is traditionally positive to a fault, craps on it during his live tweets.

To complete the hat-trick of crap, there is a Divas match. They’re in Las Vegas, so it is a showgirl lumberjills match. Snuka could be a really good wrestler for the WWE. This little segment did nothing for her. Kaitlyn better keep stroking the “ego” of whoever is in charge of the Divas. Her in ring talents aren’t doing her any favors. I feel at this point any words I use to write about the WWE Divas division is waste of my time.

The Rock is back. Things have picked up and he talks about this being the greatest moment of his life. I mean he never was champion when he had three movies out and this will sure be more profitable than those other times, plus he doesn’t have to wrestle on house shows. Yeah I’d be excited for that title run too.

Punk comes out and these two have one of their best exchanges. Punk makes the challenge for their rematch that John Cena talked about an hour ago. The little jabs by Punk were great. The one about swearing was dead-on. Again Rock was good, but CM Punk owned him on the mic.

The team of Sandow and Rhodes is really buried now. Cody got destroyed by Superman in Jorts. Sandow now gets to get manhandled by the Ginger Warrior. Sheamus doing White Noise through a table was kinda cool. I like that and expect it be something that starts to pop on the indies soon. Alas, Poor Team Rhodes Scholars! I knew thee well.

That Zack Ryder, 3MB, and Khali thing happened. None of these guys could have taken Rhodes and Sandow’s place on the jobber train tonight? Just point to the TV and show us where the WWE hurt you.

Ziggler and Jericho is a fun feud. It looks to be something that will be used to get Ziggler jump started going towards Mania as they still try to figure out what to do with his Money In The Bank status. Poor guy has more jump starts this year than an old Ford pinto. In the end we did get a Ziggler/Jericho vs. Team Hell No match. That isn’t a bad thing.

They’re starting the descent on Kane and Bryan. I hope this is a false break up and they come back stronger than ever. I’m not holding my breath. At least we get to see Daniel Bryan in more singles action soon.

Congrats to Trish Stratus on making the WWE Hall of Fame. I remember when she started with the company and couldn’t even wrestle. She was a fitness model with an incredible body that the WWE exploited with some head smacking storylines. Trish put in the time, unlike many of the current Divas, and ended up being one of the most gifted in-ring performers the WWE has ever had. There can be a debate about the greatest female wrestler of all time, but there is no debate that Trish Stratus deserves to be mentioned in that discussion.

Vince McMahon sure loves to strut. He is a great worker and he knows how to wrap a crowd around his finger. The interaction between Vince and Paul Heyman was some of the best work the WWE has done in years. Paul is amazing in his weasel role. Even with video proof, he still denies the truth. He denies it so well, you almost believe him that he wasn’t in the video. That is some classic snake oil salesmanship right there. I would really like to see more Paul vs. Vince segments, they are good times.

Brock Lesnar comes out, and instead of giving the Devil’s grin, Paul Heyman seems to fear Lesnar more than Vince. That sells how dangerous Brock really is. Paul knows what is going to happen and he is telling the man who was about fire him to get out of the ring. It’s the little things. Brock gives Vince an Eskimo kiss and then breaks the old man’s hip. That is some Hannibal Lecter shit right there. I guess Paul keeps his job on a technicality.

Paul Heyman has under his wing CM Punk, Brock Lesnar, and The Shield. That might be the most impressive stable in pro wrestling history. Now they haven’t officially come out together, and Paul seems to keep each separate, but damn that is still impressive. I for one hope that WrestleMania has a War Games match with Punk, Lesnar, Rollins, Ambrose, and Reigns vs. DX (HHH, HBK, Gunn, Road Dawg, and X-pac). You could even toss Heyman and Vince on the teams like they used to do with JJ Dillon when the Horsemen had a War Games match. I don’t think this happens, but a guy can dream.

The WWE did some stuff right. They set the stage for their next PPV with Rock vs. Punk in the rematch & Team Cena vs. The Shield in an Elimination Chamber match. Plus they reintroduced Brock Lesnar and restarted his HHH feud. Aside from that this was one of the worst RAWs in history. There was an entire hour that I was ashamed to watch as a wrestling fan. The ratings were up for this show after a strong Rumble, and this is what the WWE had to offer. Shame.

In the end I just keep thinking about all that should be happening and all that is happening. That thought process usually ends with, “What The Fuck?!?”.

Royal Rumble: Good Surprises, Predictable Finishes

 

The road to WrestleMania has begun. The Royal Rumble is in the books, and from the size of my hangover this morning, it was a good showing. I almost went perfect with my predictions. Had I not kept out hope for a Punk win, and gone with the obvious choice of The Rock winning, then I would have batted a thousand. Oh what could have been.

The show itself was a very entertaining watch with some great surprises during the Rumble match. For three hours I had a blast watching with about fifty other wrestling fans at the sports bar near my house. Tons of "Yes!" chants and reactions to everything. That really is the way to watch a wrestling show.

I didn’t see the internet pre-show match. Cesaro won and Miz screwed up a spot. Pretty much how I thought it would go. It truly was one of those matches you didn’t need to see and could put the result in pen. That belt isn’t going anywhere until Cesaro gets a real feud going.

The start of the pay per view with Alberto Del Rio and Bret Hart was great. They really have done a lot in a short time to make Del Rio into a top baby face on Smackdown. The match with Big Show was an enjoyable watch. The crazy choke slam from the floating beam on the stage was sick. Both men worked their asses off and it showed. In the end the finish was campy, but that is usually how they try to protect a beast like Big Show.

Next time somebody gets duct taped in a last man standing match I hope to see them climb the ropes and stand straight up. It would be a cool false finish spot. I would expect for Big Show to be in the elimination chamber and move onto new territory come WrestleMania. As for Del Rio, he might have a longer reign than I expected.

The new WWE tag team division has stepped up their game. Rhodes Scholars and Team Hell No was a fun match. I’m glad I could barely hear the announcers during the match and got to enjoy the action. This was a text book tag match. Nothing special or ground breaking here.

Bryan and Kane work well as a team and I hope the WWE doesn’t rush to break them up. People still enjoy their antics. The post-match vignette with the Rumble numbers was funny in a sophomoric way. Again another example of how great the two are as a duo. I’m still holding out hope for a match between them and the New Age Outlaws. Yeah, probably not.

I was shocked the Rumble went on before the WWE title match. That was when I knew Rock was walking out champ. He has enough pull to push the namesake of the event to the undercard. He isn’t staring at the lights if that is happening.

The 30-man Royal Rumble match was good times had by all. Chris Jericho shocked everyone. I was in the bathroom when he came out and a whole room of guys stopped mid-pee to high five each. That is how cool that surprise was. Golddust showing up to fight his brother was great. He really has gotten a lot of his popularity back. I hope Goldie gets another run with the company. Even the Godfather and his hoes made for a good cheer. It would be cool if in the future the WWE actually does more old school surprises than some of the lower card talent. Nobody really cared that Tensai, Khali, and Zack Ryder were in the Rumble.

With Bo Dallas from NXT lasting as long as he did I had a small feeling he might make it to the end with John Cena. I like that he did get into it with Wade Barrett. It was a good way to debut a talent most didn’t know. The Kofi jumping on Tensai and Bryan jumping onto Kane spots both were great new twists for the match. Again with Bryan and Kane I hope they don’t end their team too soon.

In the end John Cena wins. Nobody was shocked. They teased us with Ryback and Sheamus. Yet it never felt like anything but Cena’s match. I would say this year had less drama than the year that HHH won it. Very predictable.

That set up the epic dream match between The Rock and CM Punk. The promo from The Rock was the best he has done since he has been back. That intensity and the lack of silly catch phrases made it seem finally like this match wasn’t a joke to him. Would have been nice to see this kind of promo two weeks ago.

The match was hyped up too much. It had an extremely high bar to reach in the eyes of the fans. The Rock had some ring rust and Punk did everything in his power to carry him. After the table broke before the Rock Bottom, it felt like both men kicked it into high gear. That last chunk of the match was some excellent wrasslin.

The finish can be debated. It protected Punk and it gave the crowd a little bit of swerve. Vince is about to strip the title from CM Punk and Rock stops him so he can take the belt off him. It was very action hero like. It took the crowd on a roller coaster and that’s not bad.

Man, I can’t help but feel that the WWE is losing money by not building towards a rematch between Punk and Rock instead of Rock and Cena. This match wasn’t epic but it was really good. The mic work has been top notch. It feels like there is more to tell with these two than with Cena and Rock. The yearlong build for Rock and Cena drained all the juice out of that match up. This feud between Rock and Punk feels like it just got started and now it is over.

The safe money is Rock and Cena. There isn’t much creative has to do. This will deliver a good buy rate just with the two names alone. Punk and Rock could have done more but it would have taken work between now and WrestleMania. It’s not my money, and the WWE seems to always go after the easy money. That and I don’t think their creative staff is really the kind of staff that wants to take on a challenge when the easier work is right there in front of them.

Now the WWE begins the build towards WrestleMania. Rock will build towards Cena. Punk will probably get tapped to carry the Undertaker through a match. Ziggler looks to be gearing up for a shot at Alberto Del Rio. It looks to be another strong WrestleMania card.

Myself, and those who dare to dream bigger, will just have to be stuck with notion of what could have been. Still being the longest reigning champion of the modern era is something pretty impressive. Maybe in the end the most important thing was that CM Punk will be the face of the WWE come WrestleMania 30. What’s Steve Austin doing then?

Quazi’s Crystal Ball: The Royal Rumble



The Royal Rumble is almost upon us, and I can’t wait. It is easily one of the best pay per views of the year because it always has the mystique of not knowing what is going to happen. Even if you believe you think you know who the winner is going to be, there is usually a surprise entrant or some kind of swerve that keeps the Rumble fresh and exciting. There are some years where this is the best pay per view that the WWE does. That includes WrestleMania.

This year we have the joy of not only the 30-man over the top Royal Rumble but we have a dream match for the ages. Much like when Hogan faced The Rock or Flair hooked up with HBK, The Rock vs. CM Punk is as close to a can’t miss match as wrestling fans get. Those two matches alone make this Sunday a must buy. There are also a couple of other good matches that have been added to the card that make it a really strong showing by the WWE. It truly is WrestleMania season. Here’s a look at each match.

Antonio Cesaro vs. The Miz - United States Championship

This match was announced for the online pre-show. Their feud has been going pretty well on WWE Main Event. The show is actually an enjoyable hour of TV on a Wednesday. I have a feeling that the WWE is going to break these two apart with Miz doing his Flair's apprentice angle and Antonio moving on to a new challenger for WrestleMania season. Miz's work has slumped a bit lately. Cesaro is becoming a hot star in the company. With this being on the pre-show, I don't see a title change in the future. This also makes me believe neither has a true shot at winning the 30-man Royal Rumble match, but they did get some rub during the Beat The Clock challenge. So who knows.

Winner: Antonio Cesaro (Your United States Champion!)

Kaitlyn vs. A WWE Diva

This hasn’t been announced. Kaitlyn just got crowned Divas champion. Yet the Divas division is traditionally used as a buffer or bathroom break between big matches. I don’t know if this goes on between Rock/Punk and The Rumble or before Rock/Punk. I do know it won’t be worth the price of admission. I for one would like to see Natalya get the shot. Tonight on Smackdown she gets a win, which might be a sign she'll get a shot at the strap at the PPV. She is probably the best female wrestler left on the WWE roster. As my friend Sign Guy Joe always said, “Low expectations brings higher returns”, so this match should be better than I thought as long as both ladies don’t pull a Jackie Gayda.

Winner: Kaitlyn (Duh)

Team Rhodes Scholars vs. Team Hell No – WWE Tag Team Titles

Daniel Bryan and Kane have become one of the most enjoyable parts of the WWE. They are both good in the ring. Bryan is a certified workhorse between the ropes much like Ricky Steamboat or Chris Benoit. Kane has always been great in his character as it continues to evolve. The two as a comedy duo are pure gold with some of the campiest segments. You don’t change the channel when Team Hell No is on TV. That is saying something.

Team Rhodes Scholars has quickly become another joy to watch in this revitalized tag team division. Cody Rhodes has tried to do the singles action but he finds better success in tag teams. Sandow is a good young talent with an amazing persona. The two have meshed well and play the smarmy high class heels to perfection. Also Cody’s mustache is epic. Super Troopers had a baby with Magnum PI and made a 70’s porno epic.

These two teams should have another good match to continue their feud. Kane and Bryan beat Sandow and Rhodes in squash matches last week on RAW. It doesn’t seem that Kane and Bryan should lose this match at this point in the feud. They have been booked too strong against Rhodes and Sandow. Also fans still go nuts for Team Hell No and their antics. I don’t see them dropping the belts until Mania. Also with the reported rumor of the New Age Outlaws coming to the Rumble, I wouldn’t be surprised to see a dream match between the NAO and Team Hell No. The promos alone should be great.

Winner: Team Hell No (YES! YES! YES!)

The Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio – Last Man Standing Match for the World Title

This feud has been thrown together quickly. Albert Del Rio had a surprise win on Smackdown a few weeks ago to capture the title. They are not doing another Last Man Standing match. That is a quick burn on this feud. Not a lot of time to develop the rivalry. It really looks like this was all done to complete the face turn of Del Rio as he prepares to face off with Dolph Ziggler, Sheamus, and Orton at the Elimination Chamber.

The Big Show is a trooper. The man always seems to do the right thing when it comes to the WWE. He place holds the World title for them as they pass it from Sheamus to Del Rio. Now he is helping turn Del Rio into Smackdown’s biggest star. I don’t know how many years he has left but dude deserves to be a first ballot hall of famer. He might even be a better worker than Andre the Giant, and that is saying something.

This match should be some good plunder, but I don’t see the WWE taking the strap off Alberto after a few weeks. While I do think this will be a short title reign I believe he keeps the title until Elimination Chamber. The Big Show will again do the job here with some kind of cheap ending. Something like Del Rio hits him with a car. I hope not that, but something in that vein of screwy endings. I don’t see Big Show getting legit 10 counted by Del Rio.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio (Until Next Month)

The Rock vs. CM Punk – WWE Championship

This might be the biggest match on the pay per view. These two are both megastars right now. The Rock will always have his fans. He is the Magic Johnson of the Attitude era. He was showtime. Steve Austin might have been the biggest name, but Rock was the kind of wrestler than formed the “sports entertainment” version of the current WWE product with catch phrases and goofy over-the-top characters. I mean he turned an elbow drop into a believable finisher. Hello, Five Knuckle shuffle.

CM Punk is probably the best wrestler to step foot in the WWE ring since HBK. He might even be better. His mic skills are the best of his generation. Between the ropes he is light years ahead of most in the company. He has a persona that blurs the lines of reality as fans don’t know where the on-screen and off-screen CM Punk differ. He can make any talent look better than they are, and that is rare today. He also might be the one person who equals The Rock’s current stardom in the WWE with his own strong base of loyal die-hard fans.

This Sunday is the clash of the two schools of pro wrestling. The Rock represents the “entertainment” faction that has been the last decade of the WWE. CM Punk represents the “wrasslin” faction that once was the corner stone of the sport that Harley Race, Ric Flair, and Macho Man Randy Savage built. This has all the makings of a true wrestling classic. It could be too much pressure, but both men traditionally excel beyond the height of expectation. No matter what happens the wrestling world will be talking about this match for months.

Winner: CM Punk (If the WWE wants to make real money)

30-Man Royal Rumble

It is the crown jewel of the pay per view. It is the most exciting 70+ minute match in the company. The match traditionally has surprise entrants and cool spots. There is talk of former talents like Shelton Benjamin, MVP, and The New Age Outlaws returning to the company in this match. I would also expect The Undertaker and Brock Lesnar to have appearances, but I’m not counting on either.

As far as favorites go, I would say that John Cena and the six men from the Beat The Clock challenge: Antonia Cesaro, Wade Barrett, The Miz, Dolph Ziggler Sheamus, and “Reefer” Randy Orton have the best chance to win it. Then again the WWE can always toss a wrench in the plans. It is the Rumble and nothing is certain. Well accept that one year when everyone knew HHH was gonna win it.

This year looks to be Superman In Jorts. It just seems that Cena and Rock are on a collision course for WrestleMania. The WWE believes their rematch is the true money maker. I for one think the current WWE title feud is the real money maker. I have a feeling I’m going to be wrong, but I think they can still have Cena pull this one out and get their rematch at the next PPV. Just read my Armchair Booker article from a few weeks back.

Winner: John Cena (Only to lose his Main Event Spot to The Rock at Elimination Chamber)

That is my look into the crystal ball for WWE’s Royal Rumble. It should be a good time this Sunday as the WWE has a couple can’t miss match ups. Enjoy and hopefully we get a couple surprises that make you tingle all over. Like when Hogan slammed Giant or Tyson KO’d Michaels. Those were good times, and great memories. The WWE needs to start making more of those again. They’ve been in short supply recently.

Let's Get Ready to Rumble

Every year the WWE does this video. It breaks down the 30-man Royal Rumble match with the cool by the number facts. Before you tune in this Sunday, you'll want to know all these quick facts to share your friends and sound smart.



If you want to watch a full Royal Rumble match, here is the entire 2002 Royal Rumble. It's kind of cool that the WWE has put this up on YouTube. It's not the best one of all time. I would say 1992 when Flair won would be it. Heenan doing color commentary made that PPV. He was amazing. Enjoy this Rumble from over a decade ago. It has Stone Cold Steve Austin, and that is pretty damn awesome.



Finally here is the interaction between The Rock and CM Punk that got this all going a few weeks back. It is one of the best exchanges in WWE history. The ads that pop up are annoying but it is the only full version I could find. Still an epic encounter.



Tomorrow I'll post my 2013 Royal Rumble Preview and Predictions. Check back early in the morning.

Monday Night RAW: A Tale of Two Shows

I’m a day late in putting up this review because the one I wrote yesterday was a tad harsher than the show deserved. Sometimes you need to read your own writing and let time take the edge off. Monday Night RAW was hard to judge this week because it was two shows at once. What I mean by this is: What kind of grading scale do you use for this week’s episode?

It was the 20th Anniversary show. If you look at it like that then the show was a miserable failure. Especially when compared to the 1000th show from a few months back. It also was the two weeks out from a major PPV show. If you look at it like that, and compare it to the last few months of RAW, then it was an above average show with lots of good action. There were even a couple of great segments that the WWE could hang their hat on. In the last say 15 episodes of RAW, this was in the top three. Then again that is like saying I’m the hottest guy in the room at a Dungeons & Dragons convention. Not a real lofty goal.

As for being the 20th Anniversary show, it sucked. There was so much build up to this show. It had the hype that this was going to be a big event with tons of surprises. It ended up being mostly a past RAW clip show. No Austin, No HBK, No Undertaker, No DX (of any kind), No Nash, and No real presence of the past besides a few drops in the bucket.

Ric Flair showed up, but he was here a few weeks ago on a not so special show. Mick Foley too, but he was Santa less than a month ago. Jim Ross came in to wrap up the show, but that has happened a ton since Lawler had the heart attack. I would have even liked a Ron Simmons, “DAMN”, but nope.

It’s not my checkbook but you would think the WWE would have planned better for such a big event. They did have a lot of the stars around in July for the 1000th episode. They could have locked down commitments then for this show in January. Also they could have brought back some of the mid-card talent from the past 20 years. I don’t think Vader, Dustin Rhodes, Steve Blackman, Dan Severn, or any of those types of guys were doing much on Monday night.

That’s my gripe with the 20th anniversary angle of the show. Now looking at this week’s RAW as an overall show. It was actually a good show. I think one of their better shows. Maybe not as buzz worthy as last week but a nice follow up.

The whole three hours really paced itself well. It didn’t start out setting the bar too high and it ended with another strong closing 45 minutes. It had a few surprises, and even a title change. Then again if the Divas title changes hands, and nobody cares, does it really count. It also had some head scratch moments, and a weird drunken Ric Flair moment.

The start with Vince, Big Show, and Alberto Del Rio was pretty cookie cutter. It set up their match at Royal Rumble. Vince got to strut around for a bit. There was even a Harlem Globetrotters spot. Not too hot, not too cold. Just a nice way to kick off the show.

The first shock of the show came when Reefer Randy lost clean in the middle of the ring to IC champ Wade Barrett. When Wade didn’t even get an entrance I thought for sure he was going to eat an RKO. Maybe the no entrance was a way to make the surprise win even more shocking. Glad to see the WWE putting a quality win under Barrett’s belt. I’m sure Orton will get his revenge.

I make jokes about the Divas division because lately it hasn’t been good. The amount of empty seats during the arena pan before the match proves that. A lot of people took this match as a chance to grab a beer and a bathroom break. In the end it was a really good match. I don’t know if it was because this was Eve’s last WWE match, but both ladies let it hang out. If the WWE had more lady matches like this one then the division wouldn’t be such a joke.

The real joke is 3MB. They are the new job squad. Just when you think they’ll get some respect by beating Sheamus in a handicapped over the top rope elimination match, they come crashing down with a post-match dismantling by the Super Ginger. The WWE does need good enhancement talent. So I guess that is 3MB. The paychecks must be nice.

The Dr. Shelby segment and the two matches involving Team Hell No and Rhodes Scholars were middle of the road. Bryan and Kane are great as a duo. They make me chuckle and they can both go in the ring. The same can be said about Rhodes Scholars. The Dr. Shelby gimmick just fell flat for me. Younger fans find him funny. They also think the Kardashians are good role models. I question their judgment of character.

The booking of the two singles matches between the teams made no sense. The #1 contender got crushed in both matches. Why would I believe Rhodes Scholars has a chance of winning in a tag title match when they both got steamrolled by the champs in singles action? Luckily this feud doesn’t have to sell any tickets for the Royal Rumble.

The better booking would have been wins for both Sandow and Rhodes with outside help from their partner. Then the next week do a reverse matchup with Sandow facing Bryan & Rhodes facing Kane. The first match has another partner cheating finish only to have the second match end in a double DQ brawl between the four gentlemen when Rhodes Scholars tries to cheat for a fourth time. That’s my humble booking opinion.

Now onto “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair and his appearance. I’m a HUGE Flair fan. Huge. In the history of this business there hasn’t been a better performer to lace up the boots ever. On the mic, in the ring, and everything place else in between he is the gold standard in pro wrestling. This segment was a train wreck. Flair looked like he was on the tail end of bad bender. Miz did nothing to help control the situation. Sometimes just winging it ends in a crash and burn. This was one of those times.

Antonio Cesaro actually brought the segment back up. His mic work was top notch as always. His little jabs at Flair were great. The end was good because it furthered the Miz feud. I don’t know how I feel about Miz becoming the new “Nature Boy”. It looks like from spoilers that he’ll be using the figure four as a finisher. All in all it was a weird segment, and not in a good way.

That reminds me. The Houston crowd was horrible. I don’t know if it was the growing disappointment in the lack of returning stars, or if they just had no energy, but that crowd sucked. They gave no reaction to any part of the show that didn’t involve pandering to the audience. Ric Flair comes through the curtain and they react like it is the Brooklyn Brawler. Then the end of the show they only get lively for calling Vickie a bitch, yet stick their thumbs up their asses when the champ and Rock get into a pull apart brawl. A crowd can enhance a show and they can ruin one. This crowd really brought the feel of the show down.

I enjoyed the part with Mick Foley and the Shield. I remember the mini-feud between Dean Ambrose and Foley. I was hoping for some mic time between the two. Having Ryback, Sheamus, and Orton come down for the save made sense. The shield is getting stuck in a rut as the WWE tries to tread water with them until after the Royal Rumble. It’s about time to move the group forward with whatever the WWE has planned for them. I personally wouldn’t mind a Free Bird style tag team title run. In fact I’ll take anything that gets the three men wrestling more often as all three are really strong in-ring performers.

Watching Brodus Clay’s entrance and then watching CM Punk’s entrance is a prime example of the gap in talent between the champ and the rest of the WWE roster. Clay looks like a guy playing a character. CM Punk just looks like he is that guy walking through the curtain. He has really blurred the lines between reality and wrestling. It’s refreshing.

On twitter I got into a debate with a couple people about Punk’s value as champ. Most went with him being the lowest rated champ in history as their position. Unless he is wrestling or on TV talking for three hours straight then he can’t be fully responsible for the dip. I would even say if it wasn’t for him being champ and doing everything in his power to keep the WWE name fresh, the ratings would be worse. I’m talking below 2.0 and barely hovering above TNA worse. As I said Monday night, “CM Punk is the life boat on this titanic of a WWE roster”. John Cena is the piece of scrap that the rich chick clings to as Leo sinks to the bottom of the ocean.

The match between Punk and Clay was good. Nothing special. Clay got in more offense than I thought he would. The production team missed Punk taunting the dancers after. It’s a small thing but it was a great moment. The promo after was top notch again. He made beating Brodus sound bigger than it was. He also twisted reality again. I can’t wait to see next week just to see what happens between he and Rock.

The cage match between John Cena and Dolph Ziggler was amazing. I loved it. Sure the end was a little weak. I mean Cena took big move after big move and beats Ziggs with one finisher. It’s super Cena at its finest. Besides that I loved the psychology in the match. AJ had great facials. Big E Langston is a monster. He plays the muscle role perfectly for Dolph. I am really digging the Ziggler circus.

Rumor is the WWE wants to split Langston away from the group. That would be a mistake. They need to add more people to Dolph’s entourage. David Otunga as his legal weasel plus two stooges would be great. More is better in this case, especially when Ziggler gets fully into his World title chase.

Again the match was great. It entertained and was easily the best wrestling on the show. It is the second straight week the WWE delivered a PPV quality match as their main event. I’m almost scared to get my hopes up for three weeks in a row. I’m sure this week will be some convoluted six man. It always is.

The Rock concert is what it is. The Rock does his usual shtick. I laughed. Vickie Guerrero is a great character. The crowd gets to get involved so that perks them up. Dwayne was a little weaker on the mic this week. His singing is karaoke worthy and his promo was shaky, but it did its job. The end pull apart brawl was great but the crowd took a crap on that because it didn’t involve letting them play along. I guess if they could have chanted something during it like calling Vickie a bitch or saying “Si, Si, Si” then they would have been more excited.

The WWE is doing a bang up job in prepping this feud between CM Punk and The Rock. Right now it looks like Rock is going to walk out champ. Even the WWE PR department is tipping the hat that way with their press release about Mania as they tout the rematch of Cena and Rock. I hope they swerve us all.

Next week is the go home show. There is a lot of strong segments that could, and should, take place. The focus will be on Rock and Punk. Ziggler & Cena should be good. Plus I’m looking forward to more Team Hell No, Cesaro, Barrett, and Rhodes Scholars. Also interested in the direction of “New Nature Boy” The Miz. That’s a lot to look forward too, which is a good thing.

The lack of pressure or expectation from this not being a 20th anniversary show should help the overall reception of the product. Then again that may be setting the bar too high as three weeks of quality television from the WWE seems to be a rarity these days. Like watching a good Divas match.

Armchair Booker: Rock + Punk = WrestleMania



(Courtesy of WWE.com)

It’s been a week since the Rock and CM Punk began their collision course for an epic match at one of my favorite pay per views, The Royal Rumble. I’m always a fan of the Rumble match. It isn’t an overused match, and it usually has a lot of different aspects playing at once. Next to WrestleMania this is probably the WWE’s most anticipated event. At least it is for me. This year has even more hype with the longest reigning modern era champion putting his title, and streak, on the line against maybe the most iconic member of the attitude era. Sorry Stone Cold but where’s your billions in box office money?

If you’ve been reading the internet, and I assume you do if you’re reading this, then you’ve read that 99% of the fans expect The Rock to win at the Royal Rumble. Most sites will tell you it’s going to be Rock vs. Cena at WrestleMania in a rematch of their bout from last year. On paper that sounds good, but right now John Cena has lost some of his luster. He’s still a top guy but the thought of Rock/Cena II doesn’t have the same pull it did last year. It just doesn’t have the same sizzle that will sell a pay per view like the original match did. Even worse is this one doesn’t have a whole year to build on.

After last Monday’s amazing promo duel on RAW, the WWE needs to rethink their plans. I know they do what they want but there is something to be said about leaving money on the table. Will WrestleMania have a good buy rate with Cena vs. Rock 2? Yes. Let’s face it WrestleMania will have a good buy rate with me vs. a hobo in a wing eating contest. Yet is WrestleMania a success if it is a couple hundred thousand buys less than it could have been? No. That is literally leaving millions of dollars on the table. Unless they are trying to buy a senate seat, the McMahons don’t usually enjoy throwing away millions of dollars. 

The real rematch that should headline WrestleMania is The Rock vs. CM Punk 2. After one night there is more buzz on this matchup than after a whole year of John Cena and The Rock. This isn’t a WrestleMania match. It’s a title bout for a PPV where the matchup is probably second fiddle to the Rumble itself. Right now it looks like the Royal Rumble PPV could be more anticipated than WrestleMania because of two matches. That is saying something about how big Punk vs. Rock is building up to be.

And it should continue to build.

There is nothing new about what is going on between The Rock and CM Punk. It might even be the oldest storyline in professional wrestling. It was old school when Abe Lincoln was lacing up his boots. It is called, “The Baby Face Chase”.

The Baby Face Chase is real basic. Take one super villain champion. Make it so the fans hate him so much they’ll pay to see him get his. Then take one super hero contender. Make it so that on any night the fans believe he’ll beat the villain. Then for a few months keep the villain just a step ahead of the hero as fans continue to fork over money to see each showdown. Finally during the blow off have the hero capture the title and strike down the villain all the fans have been salivating to see get beaten. It’s simple and hundreds of years later it still works. It has kept many a territory in business.

If the WWE goes the easy route, and has The Rock beat CM Punk at the Rumble, then they’ll barely take advantage of this gold mine. They could put it off and save the payoff for the biggest show of the year. Plus why wouldn’t The Rock want his triumphant victory to take place at WrestleMania. Everybody wants their WrestleMania moment. Even Hollywood megastars.

The WWE could even have their cake and eat it too. They could still get Rock vs. Cena 2, just not at WrestleMania. In fact all of this might be the best case scenario for the WWE. I’ll explain.

Having the Rock win the WWE title at the Royal Rumble has many flaws. One is that the WWE champion probably won’t appear on any of the house shows. That hurts the product. The second is that The Rock, a man who makes his living with his face, probably doesn’t want to take part in an Elimination Chamber match. It’s an unnecessary risk. Finally, it is too predictable and that takes some of the excitement out of the win. If I know somebody is supposed to win and if he wins then I’m not jumping out of my seat. If I know somebody is supposed to win and they lose, well then my certainty going down the road is a little less. That leads to big, more genuine, shocking moments.

Since this is an armchair booker article, here is how I’d handle the Rock vs. Punk from now until WrestleMania.

First I’d have the Rumble match before the title bout. It’s that big of a match. Plus when John Cena wins the Royal Rumble it sets the table for people to believe The Rock is walking out champ. Cena is the penciled in opponent for Rock at Mania. Having John Cena win the Rumble makes sense to the smart fans believing that Rock vs. Cena 2 is merely a foregone conclusion. It is the feign before the knockout blow.

In the main event match pull out all the stops between Punk and Rock. These two can have a great match. This could easily be a modern day Steamboat vs. Flair. In the end, after false finish after false finish, it is CM Punk who retains his title. It probably shouldn’t be a clean win, but nothing too cheap. Punk’s last few months have all been tainted victories. An exposed turnbuckle into a school boy with the feet on the ropes goes a long way.

The fans are shocked. The Rock lost. The Villain won, and now CM Punk is closing in on 500 days as champion. In fact if he can stay champ just past WrestleMania he’ll hit that milestone. Just more heat on the fire.

The Rock of course will want a rematch. CM Punk won’t give it to him because who wins one match a year ago, then loses at the PPV the night before, and gets a rematch? The Rock will then try to earn his way into the Elimination Chamber in a qualifying match. It’s The Rock wrestling on FREE TV, which has to boost the ratings.

To help add heat to their feud CM Punk should cost him his qualifier match. It keeps Rock out of the cage, and it keeps him away from Punk until WrestleMania. Both will protect Rock and this feud. This is when Rock goes to plan B.

John Cena is the Royal Rumble winner. He also lost to the Rock last year at Mania. He is the Boy Scout who never backs down from a fight and always is looking for redemption. The Rock wants Punk at Mania and John Cena has the key. Rock challenges Cena at the Elimination Chamber for his WrestleMania Main Event spot. The WWE gets to reap the benefits of Cena vs. Rock 2 and have a logical way for Rock to face Punk again. It also help sell buys for your donut hole PPV. That is having your cake and eating it too. (So many food references, hungry yet?)

Rock beats Cena at the Chamber PPV and Punk survives the cage. Now the two are back in each other’s face. Fans can believe Rock will be beat Punk at Mania, but after the Rumble is anything certain? The chase is in full effect. Punk has his eyes on 500 days. The Rock is set on finally getting the WWE championship he came back for months ago.

The two meet at WrestleMania and after a slew of craziness The Rock finally pins CM Punk. Hell if somehow Bruno Sammartino was being inducted in the WWE Hall of Fame and came down to lay out Punk after his comments on RAW, how big would that be? I don’t care how old Bruno is; he can still deliver a helluva right hook. No matter what, Rock winning at Mania would blow the roof off that joint.

Depending on The Rock’s commitments there are two options. If The Rock is truly done after Mania, then have him retire as champion at the following RAW. It vacates the belt and you do a tournament to crown a new champ. If he sticks around for one more PPV, you can do Rock vs. Cena 3 with John finally getting the win against the Rock after two losses. Both ideas will do good business for the Backlash PPV.

That is how the WWE should be booking their biggest feud for the next few months. It protects all the parties involved. It makes the most money at the four upcoming pay per views. It delivers the better matchup for the biggest show of the year. All things that the WWE should be striving to do.

Now we get to tune into the Royal Rumble and see if the WWE does the smart thing. Until then I’ll do the smart thing and not hold my breath.