Did you know there is a pay per view this Sunday? If not then the WWE did a good job of telling you. Almost the whole three hours this week had some role in the Elimination Chamber event this weekend. The WWE champion also appeared for a quick cup of coffee, and a shitty story. I feel special.
Maybe it was me, but this week seemed to have more bad acting than usual. Some of the promos, in-ring and backstage, came across as scenes from a soap opera. Even Paul Heyman and CM Punk pulled the over-the-top dramatic act. I think they were trying to make fools of themselves, but it continued through the night.
I guess it all got started when Paul Heyman came to the ring. He was being topical by resigning, as the Pope did earlier in the day, and talked about how the WWE is against him. It was a good promo that told a good story. It might have been drawn out. The end where CM Punk almost begs Paul to stay in his corner was the campiest the duo has been during their run. I couldn’t tell if they were making fun of the situation, or if this was just some class A crap acting. Also did Punk wink during their hug? Is he turning on Heyman? Or did I just see things?
Mark Henry crushes things. There is nothing fake or campy about him. I only wished he would have smashed Khali quicker. It would have saved us from watching Khali try and wrestle. He could have done just a bum rush to start the match, and then do the kill-the-midget spot. I’m being nitpicky, but more destruction & less Khali are good things. Mark Henry looks fantastic in his return. A great addition to the WWE roster for WrestleMania season.
Vickie and Paul have more bad acting. Vince calls on the phone. He agrees to Heyman’s stipulation that if Rock gets DQ’d or counted out, then he loses the title. I have a feeling that Vince’s voice was faked. It makes no sense that McMahon would give Heyman air to breathe, let alone a stipulation in his favor. Prepare for this to play into Sunday, as in Rock gets DQ’d and then the decision is upheld on Monday. I smell a Rock vs. Punk vs. Cena match at WrestleMania.
Jericho vs. Bryan was a really fun match. While I enjoy Team Hell No, Daniel Bryan is ready to be a top singles star for the WWE. He can have a good match with anyone. He can have amazing matches with the other main event stars. I really hope Bryan and Cena can have a nice feud once Superman in Jorts gets out of the title picture. I think they could do good things for both men’s current status in the company. The elimination chamber match this Sunday is shaping up to be a strong bout.
John Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback toss around 3MB and then cut a promo. Nothing new here. Pretty text book way of pushing the super baby faces, or as I call them “The Just-Us League”, before the pay per view. It should be a hot 6 man tag on Sunday.
Big Show and Alberto Del Rio continue their feud. I have no interest right now. They aren’t doing anything bad, but their segments don’t get me excited. Show is mad that people are laughing at him. ADR is learning how to be a good guy. I like both men, just not in this feud anymore. Hopefully after Sunday they can both go their own way. Del Rio’s match was a glorified squash. Poor Sandow.
Jack Swagger is a crazy right wing nut job now. Uncle Zeb is going to do a lot for Swagger. I bet Ted Nugent and Rush Limbaugh are fans. The former Dutch Mantel is one of the best minds in the business. He has made a lot of the big names people know in this industry. Swagger has always lacked that kind of long term mentor to teach him the little things. He has always been gifted, but now Swagger may have found the key to breaking through. He looks to be building towards a show down with Alberto Del Rio. I hope they hold off until after WrestleMania. That could be a strong summer feud. Look for Swagger to pick up at least one pin in the chamber this weekend.
I have friends who like Wade Barrett. He just doesn’t do much for me. He never did on NXT. He never did as the leader of the Nexus. He doesn’t now as the IC champ. The Bo Dallas program is a good one. Barrett needs a big time feud to push him. He’s another guy who could benefit from a long summer program with somebody like Daniel Bryan or Chris Jericho.
Miz got his receipt from this weekend. The whole match up with Cody Rhodes’ Mustache was a backdrop to continue the Cesaro feud. Antonio, who is one strong gentleman, does an amazing spot with the Miz. He swings him around and smashes his body into the guardrail repeatedly. I enjoyed this, and look forward to their singles match this Sunday.
Now Cesaro and Barrett don’t have matches this Sunday. Normally I would say they would both get matches. In fact I believe Barrett will face Bo Dallas during the internet pre-show, and Cesaro will face Miz during the pay per view. Maybe they can do Barrett & Cesaro vs. Miz & Dallas in a tag match. It would be another way for Dallas to pin Barrett and move their feud along. That would be a good 8-10 min pre-show match.
My crystal ball is working overtime. I called Jack Swagger’s gimmick last week. Now Brodus Clay and Tensai are squashing tag teams. I like them as a team and it looks like they’ll get a couple weeks to build their reputation. Their finisher of a running head butt followed up by a senton splash is a strong finisher. When they get the fluidity of that finisher worked out it will look super cool. Especially for two big men with tons of agility.
The Shield cuts their longest promo. It is nice, but it didn’t have the same energy they have had in the past. It felt like they were just off the mark. The good guys come out and clean house. Brawling into the stands always looks good on camera. The crowd got hyped for this segment. Again this looks be a great match up for Sunday. I’m thinking two pro-good guy segments on RAW means a win for the Shield on the pay per view. I just don’t know who takes the pin in that one. Odds are on Sheamus.
Kane versus Dolph Ziggler was a fine television main event. They both had good reasons for being in the chamber. Kane is starting to get testy with Daniel Bryan. Dolph wants to get his hands on Jericho. Only one man can continue their path. They have a good little match with some shenanigans by AJ and Big E. In the end Dolph learns he is better off on his own than with his traveling psycho circus. Looks like Kane and Bryan are headed to splitsville before Mania. Dang I liked them as a team.
Last week The Rock didn’t even show up. Now we wait until the very end of the show for him to come out. He tries to pretend he had an indy career because he wrestled for a few months in Nashville for 40 dollars. Less than a year later he was on the WWE main event roster. Not exactly a story of struggle. We did however get a story from the Rock.
That was the most boring promo the Rock has cut since his return. He really thought he had gold with that “crackhead” line. Too bad it bombed. It bombed every time he mentioned crackheads. First rule of comedy is when a joke doesn’t fly; you don’t keep trying to make it work. The Rock does little to really help push the main event this Sunday. It again was about The Rock, and his glorified past. You know the one where the cool 15 year old Rock is drinking in bars and driving stolen cars.
Punk comes out with Paul Heyman and they remind people there is another person in the match this Sunday besides Rock & his ego. They puff chests at each other, and then a brawl breaks out. Punks steals the title, as he should, and in a few minutes Punk does more for their match up than the champ has done in two weeks. But Rock did have a Superbowl commercial and 3 movies coming out, so that helps numbers … riiiigggghhhhttttt.
I have a feeling this stipulation was tagged onto this match because the WWE knows that the Rock won’t lay down, but they can’t keep the title on him. I am calling something screwy this weekend. Maybe Brock attacks Punk to get Rock DQ’d. Maybe Rock gets demolished by Brock and gets counted out. I just can’t stop thinking they are going to uphold the title with this decision and end up with the Rock vs. Punk vs. Cena for WrestleMania. In the end that is a better match than Rock vs. Cena. So I’ll take it.
This is the current card going into the Elimination Chamber PPV:
WWE Title
Rock vs. CM Punk
If Rock gets DQ’d or Counted Out he loses the title
World Title
Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show
The Shield vs. The Just-Us League
Elimination Chamber
Chris Jericho vs. Kane vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger vs. Mark Henry vs. Randy Orton
Winner gets a world title match at WrestleMania
WWE Divas title
Kaitlyn vs. Tamina Snuka
Not Announced: Wade Barrett IC title match up & Antonio Cesaro US title match up
I’ll have another edition of Quazi’s Crystal Ball to give a preview and predictions for this Sunday. Look for that this Friday afternoon. Until then, Elimination Chamber looks like a strong pay per view. One of the best non-major pay per views of the year. Kudos to the WWE on really bringing it this WrestleMania season, minus an hour of programming a couple of weeks ago. I’m still going to therapy for that. I need a hug.
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