Monday Night RAW: Just Like Pizza, It’s Even Better A Day Later



Normally when this review gets posted a day late it is because I couldn’t stand the latest edition of Monday Night RAW, and needed a cooling off period before writing the words, “Fuck This”, for four pages. This week couldn’t be farther from the truth. Those who read this regularly know that my wife and I recently had our first child. Monday night I got to experience my first nuclear meltdown where nothing seems to calm him. That means I didn’t see RAW until Tuesday.

The little guy is doing great and it seems he had a nasty case of gas. I think my wife had some spicy food and he didn’t handle it well. I know we’ve all had a few bad taco nights. This was his first. Knowing he is my kid, it won’t be his last.

Ghost Chilis? Fuck yeah, let’s do this… oh god.

I REALLY enjoyed this week of RAW. Funny part is, No Rock. Yup, No WWE champion. That right there puts a black mark on the product. No taped interview, just old recaps from last week. This is why he shouldn’t be champ. CM Punk should have retained and they could have Dwayne chase the belt until Mania. Then the next night after the biggest show of the year he retires champ. That means there wouldn’t be an episode of RAW without the WWE champion. Can’t say that now and it has only been 2 weeks of the Rock’s reign. Big time fail, but the WWE did get to plug that their champ had a Super bowl commercial and is in a ton of blockbuster movies. None of which are from WWE films. SMH.

The opening with CM Punk was top notch. I have found when the WWE starts out strong it really helps the overall product. Punk does so much so well, but his mic skills as of late have been out of this world. He stood toe to toe with the best promo man from the attitude era, and now he is must see every time he is talking. The Justin Roberts bit was great. I also like that he is continuing his streak. Maybe he’ll come out with his own belt next week. That’d be cool.

Booker T does what Booker T does. They push the WWE app. It is the digital age and I can’t fault them for it. If Nielson starts to use social media and new media as a factor in ratings then the WWE has really laid a lot of good ground work that will surely pay off. The minute Nielson makes it official, go buy WWE stock. Those first ratings will be stellar.

Cesaro and Ryback have some good chemistry. I was surprised that Antonio got as much offense as he did. He is the US champ, but Ryback has been chewing up workers lately. This match to open things up in the ring was well paced, and told a good story. I wouldn’t mind seeing these two in a lengthy feud. Ryback is really over with the southern crowds. He’s an old school meathead baby face, and the south digs those kinda wrasslers.

They had a lot of recap and video segments after this match. I know the WWE is trying to catch people up, and push their various outlets, but damn that was a lot. Also John Cena puffed his chest. He is going to call the Shield out later. He just can’t take a beating lying down. It happens each time he gets laid out. This promo was the same rinse and repeat as usual from Superman in Jorts.

Jack Swagger is back. He has a beard and he doesn’t waste as much time in the ring. His move is called the Patriot act. I am guessing he will be an idealized dick. He will be that guy who thinks anyone who doesn’t think like him isn’t patriotic. Should do well as a heel with the Hispanic audience. Guess what, a Latino is world champ. See how that works.

Alberto Del Rio was next. He crushed Cody Rhodes. Poor Cody and Poor Cody’s mustache. I really hope he can get a jump start on his career after jobbing out the past two weeks. I guess 3MB was busy. A feud with Goldust would do the trick, and fans want to see that undercard feud. This was all to get ADR on TV to build towards him and Big Show later. Besides the sacrifice of Cody Rhodes, it was all good.

Please dear God give me matches like Daniel Bryan and Rey Mysterio every week. Holy crap was that fun. Anytime Rey works with a person who can do good lucha, he excels. I think he gets excited to work old school since most WWE workers can barely spell Lucha Libre, let alone work in that style. Bryan can work any style in the ring. A big win for the bearded warrior. Do I want more of this next week? YES! YES! YES!

I love me some Mark Henry. He is such a great monster. The way he walks. The moves he does. All the little actions and remarks that he does work together to make a terrific package. Mark Henry has come a long way during his time in the WWE. He is primed to be a top tier heel in the World championship division. If the WWE has really hitched their wagon to Alberto Del Rio, he has a ton of worthy challengers to keep his reign fresh. Big Show, Dolph Ziggler, Sheamus, Randy Orton, Jack Swagger, and Mark Henry. That is a year’s worth of feuds right there.

Sheamus beat Kane. Team Hell No is closer to breaking up. Sheamus stays strong heading into the PPV. It was pretty much a paint-by-the-numbers segment here.

Paul Heyman on MizTV was flawless. If you’re going to be mouth piece or a manager in pro wrestling then watch Heyman’s latest run with the WWE. From his initial introduction with Brock Lesnar to backing CM Punk, and now coming full circle with Brock Lesnar. He truly is one of the best storytellers and characters in the business. It is all the little things that he does. The bit with Vickie Guerrero was picture perfect. It doesn’t get better than that.

Miz is lost. He tries to be smarmy and cocky but it doesn’t work when he isn’t a bad guy. It comes off campy and forced. Some people just can’t be good guys. The Miz is one of them. He does take a good beating though.

Brock Lesnar is big time. He may only wrestle like 4 times a year. As long as they don’t make him champ then I don’t mind that. Every time he walks down the aisle he has that “something awesome is going to happen” feel. Maybe it is the fact that his a multiple time UFC champ, but Brock makes pro wrestling feel legit when he is on camera. That is something that is rare in today’s pro wrestling environment. I am guessing Miz vs Brock in the future as a good PPV undercard match. If so, Elimination Chamber is shaping up to be a must buy pay per view.

Orton and Barrett hook up. I like their matches. They don’t do anything that breaks new ground. Barrett loses for the second week in row. Would have liked to see some Bo Dallas in this match either on commentary or in some role. It would have given Wade something in this match that was designed to push Orton going into the PPV. It could have set up Wade vs. Bo at the PPV for the title, a nice opening 8 minute internet pre-show match for Elimination Chamber.

Bruno Sammartino is in the WWE Hall of Fame. He deserves it. To many, he was the last legit WWE champion before the company went toward the entertainment heavy product of the 80’s and beyond. He made Stan Hansen’s lariat seem like the deadliest weapon in wrestling. This is shaping up to be the best Hall of Fame class in WWE history.

What can you say about CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho? If I can get matches like this and all I have to do is suffer through the WWE pushing their app for two hours, then I’ll make that deal every time. These two are both top ten performers of this modern generation. They can talk. They can wrestle. They can do anything the WWE asks them. It is almost unfair when two talents this skilled at their craft are paired in the ring. It makes the rest of the WWE roster look like minor leaguers. Take away a few recaps and give me 5 more minutes of these two. Hell I wouldn’t mind 3 hours of it.

Big Show and Alberto Del Rio had a good segment. It was better than last week. I like Show and Del Rio is growing on me. I think after Elimination Chamber the two should go their separate ways. This story has run its course. My only question is why anyone didn’t peak their head out of the hotel doors to see what is happening? It might have been a cool little thing to do with some hired extras to add a reality aspect to the segment.

I can’t stand Brad Maddox. He is creepy. He does take a good beating. See a silver lining. It was worth having him in the ring only to hear the line, “Nobody said Justice was free” from Ambrose. The Shield is a top attraction. I also like the touch of having Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback come through the crowd Shield style. The other WWE wrestlers coming from the back was good too because it showed all the enemies the Shield has made.

The big names get the upper hand but the Shield escapes. I like it. I’m looking forward to these two teams meeting in an Elimination Chamber match. It is fresh way to present the match as a War Games style six man tornado tag. New twists are always cool in my book.

This week’s RAW was a quick three hours. It really didn’t have much lag time. After last week’s debacle, I guess my bar wasn’t set very high. It will be interesting to see how they follow up during the go home show next week. Maybe the Rock will actually show up this time. Would be nice to the see and hear from the WWE champ leading up to a pay per view.

Until next time remember that AMC’s The Walking Dead is back this Sunday. As you watch the mid-season premiere think of this little fact: When most humans die, they crap their pants as muscles relax. That means most walkers are cruising around with a giant load in their shorts. That means before you die from a zombie attack the last thing you smell is rotting flesh and crap filled pants. Same goes for when a wrestler has to make out with Mae Young.

Monday Night RAW: WTF

The earlier versions of this review contained a high concentration of the phrase, “What the fuck?”. I decided that I needed a day to let my thoughts clear. Even a day later, I still hold the same sentiment towards this post-Rumble Raw. That 9 PM hour was on par with some of the crap WCW Thunder used to churn out. This week should have been dubbed “The Shit Factory” because that seems to be all that creative could produce.

It wasn’t an all bad RAW. There were some really good moments. That actually made things worse because you’d get crushed, then your hopes would go up, and finally they would get crushed again. I feel that people cheered for Brock Lesnar giving Vince an F5 because they had to sit through three hours of that sludge. Make me watch Tensai in lingerie … take that old man!

Things started on the right track. CM Punk and Paul Heyman did a good job of putting their spin on the events of the night before. He got screwed by Vince, and he sold it. Again Punk delivers another great promo and Vince does the smart thing by doing a short response with a tease for later. This was a really strong opening segment that hooked fans in for later, recapped the events of the night before, and put more steam into Punk & Rock’s feud.

The match between Orton and Cesaro was fun. These two work really well together and Miz as the guest ref helped give Cesaro a purpose in this match aside from putting Randy Orton over. For the most part Miz didn’t try to do too much, which happens with guest refs. Or regular refs on the indy circuit (I.E. Any ref that thinks doing moonsaults during a match is cool). The finish was clunky but it all worked. Orton got to get the win and Miz got his revenge from the night before. The after match finisher might have been too much as Miz is the good guy here. I guess the lines are blurred with him.

Ryback and The Prime Time Players had a joke off. The WWE wasted a promising tag team with this segment. Ryback didn’t need to be here. This was the first big waste of the night. Ryback is a monster and shouldn’t be in stupid SNL skit type segments. He’s Scott Norton, not Buff Bagwell.

I enjoy the story starting between Wade Barrett and Bo Dallas. Bo takes a beating but the cocky Barrett gets caught for the pin. I don’t know about Dallas using the belly-to-belly for the finish, a school boy or small package would have been better than a finisher. It’s nitpicky.

Now here is where the show begins to go off the rails.

Cody Rhodes is part of a tag team. He challenged for the tag titles the night before. He even got a great reaction during the Rumble, especially when his brother entered. This means people kind of care about him. That means his character has something the WWE should be capitalizing on. John Cena just wiped the floor with him. There is a ton of jobbers on this roster. Cody Rhodes shouldn’t be one of them. I guess his tag team with Sandow is done. Poor Cody … that mustache deserves more respect.

Then Cena cuts another promo where he gets lost in the middle. Oh and he gives away a segment for later. He talks about the challenge of facing either CM Punk or The Rock, depending on which is champ. So he knew that an hour later Punk was going to challenge Rock to a singles match at the elimination chamber PPV? Great way to spoil the surprise. There should be people watching these details. I’m guessing the Shield attacked him because the injustice was that Cena couldn’t remember not to talk about the 10 PM hour to begin the 9 PM hour. I like the idea of the chamber being a slimmed downed version of War Games between two 3-man teams. See there is something positive.

Until after 10 PM, Monday Night RAW was unwatchable. Tensai (Matt Bloom) is a helluva worker. The segment with him in lingerie and then dancing with Brodus Clay was on par with Mae Young giving birth to hand or HHH dry humping a mannequin. Tensai did the only thing he could and showed his ass.

There are some times when something is so out there and crazy that the only way to make it entertaining is to stretch it beyond its silliness. That is what Tensai did. Kudos to him on owning that shit sandwich of a segment. Also why does Brodus Clay now act like a bad Saturday morning cartoon character? The guy who comes to the ring with two big booty strippers is geared towards the 6 years and younger audience? Makes sense to me.

I get what they tried to do with Alberto Del Rio and Big Show. It just should have been a lot shorter and with more energy. The whole bit of tying up Del Rio and Show torturing Ricardo took forever. Aside from an entertaining Rumble match, this feud has been a dud. They need to wrap this up and move onto something new for both men. You know it is bad when Shane Helms, who is traditionally positive to a fault, craps on it during his live tweets.

To complete the hat-trick of crap, there is a Divas match. They’re in Las Vegas, so it is a showgirl lumberjills match. Snuka could be a really good wrestler for the WWE. This little segment did nothing for her. Kaitlyn better keep stroking the “ego” of whoever is in charge of the Divas. Her in ring talents aren’t doing her any favors. I feel at this point any words I use to write about the WWE Divas division is waste of my time.

The Rock is back. Things have picked up and he talks about this being the greatest moment of his life. I mean he never was champion when he had three movies out and this will sure be more profitable than those other times, plus he doesn’t have to wrestle on house shows. Yeah I’d be excited for that title run too.

Punk comes out and these two have one of their best exchanges. Punk makes the challenge for their rematch that John Cena talked about an hour ago. The little jabs by Punk were great. The one about swearing was dead-on. Again Rock was good, but CM Punk owned him on the mic.

The team of Sandow and Rhodes is really buried now. Cody got destroyed by Superman in Jorts. Sandow now gets to get manhandled by the Ginger Warrior. Sheamus doing White Noise through a table was kinda cool. I like that and expect it be something that starts to pop on the indies soon. Alas, Poor Team Rhodes Scholars! I knew thee well.

That Zack Ryder, 3MB, and Khali thing happened. None of these guys could have taken Rhodes and Sandow’s place on the jobber train tonight? Just point to the TV and show us where the WWE hurt you.

Ziggler and Jericho is a fun feud. It looks to be something that will be used to get Ziggler jump started going towards Mania as they still try to figure out what to do with his Money In The Bank status. Poor guy has more jump starts this year than an old Ford pinto. In the end we did get a Ziggler/Jericho vs. Team Hell No match. That isn’t a bad thing.

They’re starting the descent on Kane and Bryan. I hope this is a false break up and they come back stronger than ever. I’m not holding my breath. At least we get to see Daniel Bryan in more singles action soon.

Congrats to Trish Stratus on making the WWE Hall of Fame. I remember when she started with the company and couldn’t even wrestle. She was a fitness model with an incredible body that the WWE exploited with some head smacking storylines. Trish put in the time, unlike many of the current Divas, and ended up being one of the most gifted in-ring performers the WWE has ever had. There can be a debate about the greatest female wrestler of all time, but there is no debate that Trish Stratus deserves to be mentioned in that discussion.

Vince McMahon sure loves to strut. He is a great worker and he knows how to wrap a crowd around his finger. The interaction between Vince and Paul Heyman was some of the best work the WWE has done in years. Paul is amazing in his weasel role. Even with video proof, he still denies the truth. He denies it so well, you almost believe him that he wasn’t in the video. That is some classic snake oil salesmanship right there. I would really like to see more Paul vs. Vince segments, they are good times.

Brock Lesnar comes out, and instead of giving the Devil’s grin, Paul Heyman seems to fear Lesnar more than Vince. That sells how dangerous Brock really is. Paul knows what is going to happen and he is telling the man who was about fire him to get out of the ring. It’s the little things. Brock gives Vince an Eskimo kiss and then breaks the old man’s hip. That is some Hannibal Lecter shit right there. I guess Paul keeps his job on a technicality.

Paul Heyman has under his wing CM Punk, Brock Lesnar, and The Shield. That might be the most impressive stable in pro wrestling history. Now they haven’t officially come out together, and Paul seems to keep each separate, but damn that is still impressive. I for one hope that WrestleMania has a War Games match with Punk, Lesnar, Rollins, Ambrose, and Reigns vs. DX (HHH, HBK, Gunn, Road Dawg, and X-pac). You could even toss Heyman and Vince on the teams like they used to do with JJ Dillon when the Horsemen had a War Games match. I don’t think this happens, but a guy can dream.

The WWE did some stuff right. They set the stage for their next PPV with Rock vs. Punk in the rematch & Team Cena vs. The Shield in an Elimination Chamber match. Plus they reintroduced Brock Lesnar and restarted his HHH feud. Aside from that this was one of the worst RAWs in history. There was an entire hour that I was ashamed to watch as a wrestling fan. The ratings were up for this show after a strong Rumble, and this is what the WWE had to offer. Shame.

In the end I just keep thinking about all that should be happening and all that is happening. That thought process usually ends with, “What The Fuck?!?”.

Let's Get Ready to Rumble

Every year the WWE does this video. It breaks down the 30-man Royal Rumble match with the cool by the number facts. Before you tune in this Sunday, you'll want to know all these quick facts to share your friends and sound smart.



If you want to watch a full Royal Rumble match, here is the entire 2002 Royal Rumble. It's kind of cool that the WWE has put this up on YouTube. It's not the best one of all time. I would say 1992 when Flair won would be it. Heenan doing color commentary made that PPV. He was amazing. Enjoy this Rumble from over a decade ago. It has Stone Cold Steve Austin, and that is pretty damn awesome.



Finally here is the interaction between The Rock and CM Punk that got this all going a few weeks back. It is one of the best exchanges in WWE history. The ads that pop up are annoying but it is the only full version I could find. Still an epic encounter.



Tomorrow I'll post my 2013 Royal Rumble Preview and Predictions. Check back early in the morning.

The Royal Rumble Conundrum

RAW 1000 is in the books. Everyone has had a few days to let the events that unfolded soak in. There were some cool moments that won’t do much going forward like the DX reunion or the Brothers of Destruction reunion. There were some immediate impacts like Brock Lesnar accepting HHH’s challenge for Summer Slam and AJ Lee being named the new RAW GM, which starts next week. Then there was a big bomb dropped that the first PPV of 2013 will be The Rock challenging whoever is holding the thirty pounds of gold known as the WWE title at the Royal Rumble.

This revelation got a lot of people excited as it looks that the WWE will be building to a CM Punk vs. Rock title match at one of the WWE’s premiere pay per views. Those of us eagerly awaiting this match up got to wet our appetites with an amazing ending to RAW 1000 when Punk attacked Rock leaving him laid out in the middle of the ring as the show closed. Now for the next few months the build will begin, and it will be epic. Yet there is one important question that I keep asking myself:

Will CM Punk vs. The Rock for the WWE title push the Royal Rumble from the main event slot?

As long as I can remember the Rumble has always closed the show, but this is The Rock challenging for the belt against what will be one of the longest reigning champions in WWE history. It has to be the main event. What if Rock loses? What if Rock wins? These are both big moments that will almost be impossible to follow. These moments are finales, not lead ins.

The same can be said for the Royal Rumble itself. It is the name of the show after all. It traditionally crowns the challenger for the WWE title at the WrestleMania. In this case the person who will face possibly The Rock for the title at WrestleMania. That’s another huge moment. That is a definite show closing event.

A case can be made for both, but I still believe the actual Rumble has to close the show. To bump it for a part time talent, even one as big as The Rock, would dwarf its importance. Plus knowing who the champ is going into the Rumble adds excitement, especially if that champ is The Rock.

Just imagine at the end of the PPV if Cena and The Undertaker are in the ring and The Rock is the champ. How hyped will that crowd be as Cena and Taker battle for a shot at the biggest WrestleMania main event in the past decade? Cena fans would want their hero to get a shot at redemption for last year’s Mania. And what would be bigger than Rock putting the title on the line against the Undertaker’s streak? Either would be a HUGE draw for an event that is always stacked. I’m getting goose bumps thinking about it.

If any match can follow CM Punk vs. The Rock, it is the Royal Rumble. The way the match is built is perfect to follow such a big time title match. The rumble is long with a variety of twists and turns. The rumble can take the first twenty minutes to let fans catch their breath and reset before kicking into high gear. The multiple entrances and mystery of each entrant adds suspense to keep a crowd locked in, something a normal match would struggle with following Punk/Rock.

This is why when January rolls around it should be the WWE title match kicking off the 9PM hour and the Rumble closing the show. This layout creates the perfect two hour rollercoaster of a huge high followed by a low, and finished with an even bigger high. It should make this year’s Royal Rumble one of the best pure wrestling events in recent memory because the 8PM hour will still have a good World title match, and some kind of placeholder match like a six Diva tag. All in all it should be a great ride, which is all you can ask for in a PPV.

The rumors have it that Punk will drop the title to The Rock, and then Rock will face Cena at Mania. That’s the rumors, and those rumors have to survive six more months. A lot can change between now and then, but one thing that shouldn’t change is the Royal Rumble lineup. It should be the WWE title match leading into the Rumble, and not the other way around. It just makes more sense. Then again this is the WWE, and making sense has never been at the top of the priority list.