Monday Night RAW: WTF

The earlier versions of this review contained a high concentration of the phrase, “What the fuck?”. I decided that I needed a day to let my thoughts clear. Even a day later, I still hold the same sentiment towards this post-Rumble Raw. That 9 PM hour was on par with some of the crap WCW Thunder used to churn out. This week should have been dubbed “The Shit Factory” because that seems to be all that creative could produce.

It wasn’t an all bad RAW. There were some really good moments. That actually made things worse because you’d get crushed, then your hopes would go up, and finally they would get crushed again. I feel that people cheered for Brock Lesnar giving Vince an F5 because they had to sit through three hours of that sludge. Make me watch Tensai in lingerie … take that old man!

Things started on the right track. CM Punk and Paul Heyman did a good job of putting their spin on the events of the night before. He got screwed by Vince, and he sold it. Again Punk delivers another great promo and Vince does the smart thing by doing a short response with a tease for later. This was a really strong opening segment that hooked fans in for later, recapped the events of the night before, and put more steam into Punk & Rock’s feud.

The match between Orton and Cesaro was fun. These two work really well together and Miz as the guest ref helped give Cesaro a purpose in this match aside from putting Randy Orton over. For the most part Miz didn’t try to do too much, which happens with guest refs. Or regular refs on the indy circuit (I.E. Any ref that thinks doing moonsaults during a match is cool). The finish was clunky but it all worked. Orton got to get the win and Miz got his revenge from the night before. The after match finisher might have been too much as Miz is the good guy here. I guess the lines are blurred with him.

Ryback and The Prime Time Players had a joke off. The WWE wasted a promising tag team with this segment. Ryback didn’t need to be here. This was the first big waste of the night. Ryback is a monster and shouldn’t be in stupid SNL skit type segments. He’s Scott Norton, not Buff Bagwell.

I enjoy the story starting between Wade Barrett and Bo Dallas. Bo takes a beating but the cocky Barrett gets caught for the pin. I don’t know about Dallas using the belly-to-belly for the finish, a school boy or small package would have been better than a finisher. It’s nitpicky.

Now here is where the show begins to go off the rails.

Cody Rhodes is part of a tag team. He challenged for the tag titles the night before. He even got a great reaction during the Rumble, especially when his brother entered. This means people kind of care about him. That means his character has something the WWE should be capitalizing on. John Cena just wiped the floor with him. There is a ton of jobbers on this roster. Cody Rhodes shouldn’t be one of them. I guess his tag team with Sandow is done. Poor Cody … that mustache deserves more respect.

Then Cena cuts another promo where he gets lost in the middle. Oh and he gives away a segment for later. He talks about the challenge of facing either CM Punk or The Rock, depending on which is champ. So he knew that an hour later Punk was going to challenge Rock to a singles match at the elimination chamber PPV? Great way to spoil the surprise. There should be people watching these details. I’m guessing the Shield attacked him because the injustice was that Cena couldn’t remember not to talk about the 10 PM hour to begin the 9 PM hour. I like the idea of the chamber being a slimmed downed version of War Games between two 3-man teams. See there is something positive.

Until after 10 PM, Monday Night RAW was unwatchable. Tensai (Matt Bloom) is a helluva worker. The segment with him in lingerie and then dancing with Brodus Clay was on par with Mae Young giving birth to hand or HHH dry humping a mannequin. Tensai did the only thing he could and showed his ass.

There are some times when something is so out there and crazy that the only way to make it entertaining is to stretch it beyond its silliness. That is what Tensai did. Kudos to him on owning that shit sandwich of a segment. Also why does Brodus Clay now act like a bad Saturday morning cartoon character? The guy who comes to the ring with two big booty strippers is geared towards the 6 years and younger audience? Makes sense to me.

I get what they tried to do with Alberto Del Rio and Big Show. It just should have been a lot shorter and with more energy. The whole bit of tying up Del Rio and Show torturing Ricardo took forever. Aside from an entertaining Rumble match, this feud has been a dud. They need to wrap this up and move onto something new for both men. You know it is bad when Shane Helms, who is traditionally positive to a fault, craps on it during his live tweets.

To complete the hat-trick of crap, there is a Divas match. They’re in Las Vegas, so it is a showgirl lumberjills match. Snuka could be a really good wrestler for the WWE. This little segment did nothing for her. Kaitlyn better keep stroking the “ego” of whoever is in charge of the Divas. Her in ring talents aren’t doing her any favors. I feel at this point any words I use to write about the WWE Divas division is waste of my time.

The Rock is back. Things have picked up and he talks about this being the greatest moment of his life. I mean he never was champion when he had three movies out and this will sure be more profitable than those other times, plus he doesn’t have to wrestle on house shows. Yeah I’d be excited for that title run too.

Punk comes out and these two have one of their best exchanges. Punk makes the challenge for their rematch that John Cena talked about an hour ago. The little jabs by Punk were great. The one about swearing was dead-on. Again Rock was good, but CM Punk owned him on the mic.

The team of Sandow and Rhodes is really buried now. Cody got destroyed by Superman in Jorts. Sandow now gets to get manhandled by the Ginger Warrior. Sheamus doing White Noise through a table was kinda cool. I like that and expect it be something that starts to pop on the indies soon. Alas, Poor Team Rhodes Scholars! I knew thee well.

That Zack Ryder, 3MB, and Khali thing happened. None of these guys could have taken Rhodes and Sandow’s place on the jobber train tonight? Just point to the TV and show us where the WWE hurt you.

Ziggler and Jericho is a fun feud. It looks to be something that will be used to get Ziggler jump started going towards Mania as they still try to figure out what to do with his Money In The Bank status. Poor guy has more jump starts this year than an old Ford pinto. In the end we did get a Ziggler/Jericho vs. Team Hell No match. That isn’t a bad thing.

They’re starting the descent on Kane and Bryan. I hope this is a false break up and they come back stronger than ever. I’m not holding my breath. At least we get to see Daniel Bryan in more singles action soon.

Congrats to Trish Stratus on making the WWE Hall of Fame. I remember when she started with the company and couldn’t even wrestle. She was a fitness model with an incredible body that the WWE exploited with some head smacking storylines. Trish put in the time, unlike many of the current Divas, and ended up being one of the most gifted in-ring performers the WWE has ever had. There can be a debate about the greatest female wrestler of all time, but there is no debate that Trish Stratus deserves to be mentioned in that discussion.

Vince McMahon sure loves to strut. He is a great worker and he knows how to wrap a crowd around his finger. The interaction between Vince and Paul Heyman was some of the best work the WWE has done in years. Paul is amazing in his weasel role. Even with video proof, he still denies the truth. He denies it so well, you almost believe him that he wasn’t in the video. That is some classic snake oil salesmanship right there. I would really like to see more Paul vs. Vince segments, they are good times.

Brock Lesnar comes out, and instead of giving the Devil’s grin, Paul Heyman seems to fear Lesnar more than Vince. That sells how dangerous Brock really is. Paul knows what is going to happen and he is telling the man who was about fire him to get out of the ring. It’s the little things. Brock gives Vince an Eskimo kiss and then breaks the old man’s hip. That is some Hannibal Lecter shit right there. I guess Paul keeps his job on a technicality.

Paul Heyman has under his wing CM Punk, Brock Lesnar, and The Shield. That might be the most impressive stable in pro wrestling history. Now they haven’t officially come out together, and Paul seems to keep each separate, but damn that is still impressive. I for one hope that WrestleMania has a War Games match with Punk, Lesnar, Rollins, Ambrose, and Reigns vs. DX (HHH, HBK, Gunn, Road Dawg, and X-pac). You could even toss Heyman and Vince on the teams like they used to do with JJ Dillon when the Horsemen had a War Games match. I don’t think this happens, but a guy can dream.

The WWE did some stuff right. They set the stage for their next PPV with Rock vs. Punk in the rematch & Team Cena vs. The Shield in an Elimination Chamber match. Plus they reintroduced Brock Lesnar and restarted his HHH feud. Aside from that this was one of the worst RAWs in history. There was an entire hour that I was ashamed to watch as a wrestling fan. The ratings were up for this show after a strong Rumble, and this is what the WWE had to offer. Shame.

In the end I just keep thinking about all that should be happening and all that is happening. That thought process usually ends with, “What The Fuck?!?”.

The Royal Rumble Conundrum

RAW 1000 is in the books. Everyone has had a few days to let the events that unfolded soak in. There were some cool moments that won’t do much going forward like the DX reunion or the Brothers of Destruction reunion. There were some immediate impacts like Brock Lesnar accepting HHH’s challenge for Summer Slam and AJ Lee being named the new RAW GM, which starts next week. Then there was a big bomb dropped that the first PPV of 2013 will be The Rock challenging whoever is holding the thirty pounds of gold known as the WWE title at the Royal Rumble.

This revelation got a lot of people excited as it looks that the WWE will be building to a CM Punk vs. Rock title match at one of the WWE’s premiere pay per views. Those of us eagerly awaiting this match up got to wet our appetites with an amazing ending to RAW 1000 when Punk attacked Rock leaving him laid out in the middle of the ring as the show closed. Now for the next few months the build will begin, and it will be epic. Yet there is one important question that I keep asking myself:

Will CM Punk vs. The Rock for the WWE title push the Royal Rumble from the main event slot?

As long as I can remember the Rumble has always closed the show, but this is The Rock challenging for the belt against what will be one of the longest reigning champions in WWE history. It has to be the main event. What if Rock loses? What if Rock wins? These are both big moments that will almost be impossible to follow. These moments are finales, not lead ins.

The same can be said for the Royal Rumble itself. It is the name of the show after all. It traditionally crowns the challenger for the WWE title at the WrestleMania. In this case the person who will face possibly The Rock for the title at WrestleMania. That’s another huge moment. That is a definite show closing event.

A case can be made for both, but I still believe the actual Rumble has to close the show. To bump it for a part time talent, even one as big as The Rock, would dwarf its importance. Plus knowing who the champ is going into the Rumble adds excitement, especially if that champ is The Rock.

Just imagine at the end of the PPV if Cena and The Undertaker are in the ring and The Rock is the champ. How hyped will that crowd be as Cena and Taker battle for a shot at the biggest WrestleMania main event in the past decade? Cena fans would want their hero to get a shot at redemption for last year’s Mania. And what would be bigger than Rock putting the title on the line against the Undertaker’s streak? Either would be a HUGE draw for an event that is always stacked. I’m getting goose bumps thinking about it.

If any match can follow CM Punk vs. The Rock, it is the Royal Rumble. The way the match is built is perfect to follow such a big time title match. The rumble is long with a variety of twists and turns. The rumble can take the first twenty minutes to let fans catch their breath and reset before kicking into high gear. The multiple entrances and mystery of each entrant adds suspense to keep a crowd locked in, something a normal match would struggle with following Punk/Rock.

This is why when January rolls around it should be the WWE title match kicking off the 9PM hour and the Rumble closing the show. This layout creates the perfect two hour rollercoaster of a huge high followed by a low, and finished with an even bigger high. It should make this year’s Royal Rumble one of the best pure wrestling events in recent memory because the 8PM hour will still have a good World title match, and some kind of placeholder match like a six Diva tag. All in all it should be a great ride, which is all you can ask for in a PPV.

The rumors have it that Punk will drop the title to The Rock, and then Rock will face Cena at Mania. That’s the rumors, and those rumors have to survive six more months. A lot can change between now and then, but one thing that shouldn’t change is the Royal Rumble lineup. It should be the WWE title match leading into the Rumble, and not the other way around. It just makes more sense. Then again this is the WWE, and making sense has never been at the top of the priority list.

Monday Night RAW: More Means Less

A friend of mine lives his life by this motto, “Low expectations leads to higher returns”. That is how I should have gone into the 1000^th episode of WWE Monday Night RAW. I couldn’t help myself because in my brain this was a can’t miss show. It was stacked with talent new and old. There were already hyped segments in a WrestleMania size Main Event, the reunion of DX, and Brock Lesnar answering HHH. As far as big nights go, this had all the ingredients and more. Then I looked at my watch at 8:51 and noticed there had been about 8 minutes of wrestling. That’s when I knew this was going to be more of a talk show than a wrestling show. That’s when my expectations came crashing down to earth.

The show wasn’t horrible; it was a walk down memory lane. Now looking back at the show I can see this is exactly what episode 1000 should be. The older talent isn’t going to light things up in the ring, and this wasn’t the show to highlight the new guys. It was like going to a Huey Lewis concert where you want to hear the old stuff so you can sing along. The new stuff is just back burner material. Add in some storylines being advanced, and it wasn’t a horrible show for what is was. It just wasn’t the WrestleMania caliber event that most of us had hoped for.

Kicking it off with Vince McMahon was the right choice. This is his baby, and he should be the one to welcome us all to his major milestone. I liked that he kept it short and sweet.

DX is a fun time, but being a fan who watched every moment from 1997 on, I can see how watered down they have become. Seeing Road Dogg, Billy Gunn, and X-Pac was cool. Besides being there, only Road Dogg really added to show. They did their shtick and looked to be having fun, which always makes a segment more enjoyable for the viewers.

If Damian Sandow is supposed to be a smart guy, he sure does some stupid stuff. I liked him the first time when he was Lanny Poffo calling himself, The Genius. He walks into a ring with the five originators of WWE rule bending faces, and doesn’t expect to have his teeth kicked in. He’s lucky he didn’t eat a fame-asser, a pump handle slam, and an X-factor for his stupidity. Somebody was going to get screwed with but a small part of me wishes it was Sgt. Slaughter or Michael Cole for old times’ sake. Also a Rick Rude reference wouldn’t have killed anyone either. He was a DX original, and he wasn’t bat shit crazy like Chyna.

Last week I called 5 of the six men who would be in the World title six man tag. The WWE has a script they follow when place holding a title that doesn’t have a defined challenger. The six man tag is that. I can’t stand having Ziggler and Jericho on the same team, but I guess having him be on team Sheamus wouldn’t make sense either if he isn’t fully a face. He did get screwed by Ziggs, so that made some sense. I’m thinking Sheamus vs. ADR vs. Rey Mysterio at SummerSlam with Ziggler and Jericho going at it, so Y2J can make Ziggler before he goes back on tour.

Having Jim Ross come out to call the six man was cool because he is the best announcer in the RAW era. Wasting him in the 8 o’clock hour was a mistake. He should have been saved to add more importance to the main event. Especially with all the storytelling that happened between Punk and Cena. Congrats on the payday JR, but shame on the WWE for not doing the right thing, and having him stay there all night. Calling the main event was the bare minimum they could have done, and the WWE screwed that up.

I’ll get into Charlie Sheen later. Also the product placement through the night reminds me we aren’t in Kansas anymore. They need to make money somehow. I guess trying hard with compelling storylines and larger than life stars to get ratings back to attitude era heights so you can charge more for ad buys is out of the question. Instead we get a sonic waitress that has more camera time than Trish Stratus. There was also Mae Young’s son. Creative can remember that, but they can’t remember that the Big Show shouldn’t have a job because of a board of director’s order to fire talent who interfere in a match between Cena and Johnny Ace. Good job guys.

Brodus Clay and Dude Love have a dance segment. Yes there was match in between, but does it really count. I like Dude Love. His theme song, just like Brodus’ song, makes me smile. I don’t think Swagger needed to be abused like this. He is a former World champion. A former champion who took two moves before starring up at the lights. Even Barry Horowitz could take more than that.

Slick was a great surprise to lead the wedding. He’s an old pro and showed it in his role. The wedding was just a bait and switch. AJ is the new GM, and Daniel Bryan gets screwed. Actually I think we all got screwed on this one. I love the AJ character. I just don’t love it as the all-powerful GM. Johnny Ace got fired for being incompetent, but the solution was to give all that power to a nut job with zero experience. Why not just elect a fan to be the GM of the week? Then they can tout it.

It looked like Daniel Bryan was going to be moving up in the world with The Rock and CM Punk. They had a great duel on the mic. I am geeked for Punk vs. Rock at the Royal Rumble. When he named that PPV, I knew it was Punk because it will take place right after Punk passes the one year mark as champion. Then Bryan got Rock Bottomed, which is symbolic of his situation as he went from being in the WWE title picture & marrying AJ to fighting Charlie Sheen at Summer Slam.

I’m never one to root for a celebrity to be in a ring with a wrestler. In reality Sheen should last 20 seconds before Bryan stretches him into a pretzel. Then again it’s great for publicity. Sheen always draws media attention, and Bryan is best suited for protecting Sheen in the ring to make him not look like a total fool. I hope Daniel gets something out of this once Summer Slam is said and done.

If the IC title changes hands and nobody cares, does it count? Last night Miz beat Christian and the reaction by the crowd told the story. He filmed a crappy straight to DVD movie and was rewarded with the IC title. Santino hosts a bad internet show on WWE.com and he’s the US champ. I’m starting to see the qualifications to be a champion in the WWE. Hopefully with Miz as champ the IC title can get a boost because of Miz’s ability in and out of the ring. Then again somebody might make Chaperone 2, and they’ll get the title.

Paul Heyman is great in his role as Brock’s slime ball spokesman. He and HHH have had some great back and forth exchanges. When Stephanie came out I noticed she left her boobs in the attitude era. She looks good still though. Having her jump Heyman was great too, but I would have loved to see Brock get her cornered. The fight between HHH and Lesnar was fun, but I still have trouble believing Lesnar can’t just rip through HHH. He tore Cena a new ass on PPV, yet he can’t manhandle a semi-retired COO of WWE? It’s a thin ice. I’m still sold on seeing this match at Summer Slam. It’s gonna be brutal in a good way.

The Heath Slater angle comes to an end and the big payoff is … LITA? Another example of expectations being too high. It’s great to see Lita as she is a true pioneer of women’s wrestling in the modern era. She looked great in the ring. The addition of the APA was a cool sight, and the old legends coming out got the crowd going. Lita’s moonsault is still better than most. Ron Simmons gets in a DAMN, and we all go home happy.

At this point I knew Stone Cold Steve Austin wasn’t coming out for the night. It just can’t be a real celebration of RAW without him. I get that he had another commitment with Grown Ups 2, but the WWE could pull some strings. Maybe offer up some free advertising in exchange for getting him for the night. He’s bigger than Hogan when it comes to RAW, and he needed to be on this show. This was a BIG drop the ball moment.

Watching Undertaker’s entrance might be the coolest thing in wrestling. His whole character is a once and a life time thing. There won’t be another like him. The New Age Job Squad got laid out by the Brothers of Destruction. I get that Taker can’t wrestle as much as he used to, but what about a run with his brother as tag champs. He could work a reduced schedule, and it would make the tag belts mean something again. Plus Kane can take all the heat in the matches, and Taker can handle the comebacks. It would be something nice to bridge him over until WrestleMania time.

The Main Event didn’t get going until 10:59, what the fuck!?! This is a top tier match, and you don’t get it going until there is a few minutes left on a three hour show. Even in the seven minutes they wrestled, CM Punk and John Cena put on a good match. It never got into high gear, because it never had the time. I look forward to seeing them lock up at Summer Slam without time constraints.

The whole CM Punk turn began when Cena tossed him into the ref. He got hit with the AA, and he was beat. His title run should have ended. It was that moment of reality that hit Punk. He sold his fight with his decision to pick the bones perfectly. Cena gets him again with the STFU, and Punk knows his title is slipping away. That’s when Big Show comes in again, and Punk slithers to the corner. That’s when he goes dark side.

The title is more important to CM Punk than doing the right thing. Cena had him beat twice, and he knows it. He walks away from Show killing Cena, because now he is concerned with only staying champion. This was a perfect twist that will set Punk up for his eventual meeting at the Royal Rumble with The Rock, who came down to save Cena.

The crowd popped huge for The Rock as he flew down the ramp and passed CM Punk. Everyone thought it was going to be a few Rock moves to send everyone home happy. Then Punk lays out The Rock, and the Royal Rumble gets sold out & buy rates jump through the roof. We’ve seen Cena vs. Rock, now we get Rock vs. Punk, which should be a better overall match up.

Punk can play the heel better than most, and he can do it by justifying his actions. If you’re the champ then why not let Big Show beat up Cena. Punk never made Cena smack Show in the head last week with the brief case. He’s only reaping what he sowed. He’ll also be able to talk with the Rock, who better be on his toes because Punk will pipe bomb him back to Hollywood.

So for the next few months Punk will lay the ground work for Royal Rumble as he cements his dynasty as one of the greatest WWE champions in the history of the WWE. He’ll get booed out of every building in the country, and the WWE will smile all the way to the bank. Also at the Royal Rumble, it’s going to be a big toss up on who wins because Punk going over on the Rock could set him up to be a Stone Cold type star. Who coincidently is waiting in the wings for a matchup at WrestleMania. Cha-Ching!

The WWE made some bad decision last night, but like any offering, it’s the end that really influences the final verdict. The WWE gave us a great twist ending that will have people tuning in. Cena is kind of aligned with Rock. Daniel Bryan kind of hates the Rock. The Rock really hates Punk. What about Cena & Rock vs. Bryan & Punk at Survivor Series? It’ll take some work, but it’s a possibility.

It’s these kinds of possibilities that make last night’s show more than the stinker it probably came off as to the average fan. If you’re looking at only last night’s show then it was below average, but if you’re looking at the next few months, it’s better than average. After last night, I’ll take that … for now.

It's Here

It’s a big day here at G.R.o.W. as not only is WWE celebrating the 1000^th episode of Monday Night RAW, but I just found out my wife & I are expecting our first child. To say my brain is focused elsewhere is an understatement. Yeah, I’m going to be somebody’s father. The same guy who once got busted open the hard way by a clown with coconut in a Warren, MI YMCA. God save us all. The wife and I are very excited to say the least.

I have been sitting here trying to focus on writing something for tonight, but my mind keeps wandering. As Ice Cube would say, “Today was a good day”. Even better, tonight is going to be a good night.

It’s hard not to get expectations high when you keep hearing all the rumors coming out of St. Louis going into tonight’s big show. At 8PM is the reunion of DX, and not just HBK & HHH, but pretty much all of DX. Even if they just strut around the ring, dropping catch phrases for twenty minutes, it will be a great sight to see.

Then on top of that is the reunion of Brock and Heyman as Lesnar returns to RAW to answer HHH’s challenge for Summer Slam. Spoiler alert: He’s gonna eventually say yes, but the build-up is half the fun. Just seeing the monster with his Dr. Frankenstein in the ring is going to be enough to sell me on ordering Summer Slam. Which I would have done anyway.

Moving down the list is the conclusion to the Heath Slater angle that has actually helped Slater become more than just another sheep in the herd. He has shown some charisma, and could be valuable as a lower card heel that believes he is a main eventer. The biggest rumor of the weekend is that tonight Slater will come face to face with the biggest RAW superstar in the history of the program, Stone Cold Steve Austin. I for one will still hold out hope for Nature Boy Ric Flair, but a few stunners never hurt anyone. Plus when Heath hears the glass, he’ll know it’s his ass.

What you mean there is more? You betcha as we get a brand new GM for RAW and Smackdown. This gets lost in the shuffle, but it really does a lot to establish the direction of the WWE going forward. This is a character that has multiple storylines going on over two different shows. It is a person who can feud with the lowest of the card, and also get into it with the champions. That kind of versatility can’t be ignored. Fingers are crossed for Paul Heyman; if it’s William Regal I’ll also be pleased. Don’t sleep on this segment as it could do more leading up to WrestleMania than anything else we see tonight.

Holy crap there is even more! Did you know the Rock is going to be on tonight? Yeah, the great one is gonna be talking about Pie, plus I bet he has something more to do. He has sure been talking about challenging for the WWE title on twitter a lot. Hint Hint. Even if all he does is come down and talk for 5 minutes that is going to be another can’t miss moment. Notice a theme with tonight.

There can’t be any more can there? I don’t know, what about the Undetaker? Yeah the greatest character in pro wrestling history is going to be there tonight. He hasn’t been seen since he survived HHH at Mania. Tonight should point towards the next step in the streak as Taker isn’t a fulltime talent, but a guy rolled out for only the big moments. He’s not showing up for a photo opportunity, he’s in St. Louis to handle business.

And the hits keep on coming as Daniel Bryan and AJ Lee will tie the knot. Well maybe tie the knot. Nothing is ever certain in wrestling and weddings. They have been an up and down couple since Bryan dumped AJ after WrestleMania. Will AJ or Daniel get cold feet? Will another superstar have something to say about these two getting hitched? Or will they walk the aisle into happiness? No matter what it's going to be a major event. Plus who doesn't want to see what kind of dress the queen of crazy is going to wear. And will Bryan have a vegan cake? That's just wrong.

The list of other attractions is almost never ending, but on top of everything already listed is the WWE title match between CM Punk and John Cena. Not only is this the two biggest names in the business hooking up on free TV, but there is something at stake for both men’s reputations. Punk is putting his title on the line with 240+ days as champion. Cena is cashing in the Money in the Bank contract, and could be the first to ever do so unsuccessfully, because he took the honorable route by doing it against a fresh opponent. This looks to be the crowning jewel of a very exciting night. At the end we could have a new champion, or we could have the beginning of a modern dynasty as Punk has laid waste to almost every major star on the fulltime roster.

Does the Rock lay in wait for either man? Undertaker? Brock? It seems that RAW 1000 is going to celebrate the past while lighting the way for the future. If you’re a pro wrestling fan then tonight is your Superbowl, World Series, and Quidditch cup all rolled into one. Tonight don’t DVR RAW, watch it live. You’ll want to ride this rollercoaster with the rest of us. Only a few more hours until the whole wrestling world is thrown for a loop or two. And if you’re not down with that we got two words for you … TUNE IN!

Arm Chair Booker: RAW 1000

(courtesy of WWE)

If you didn’t know that I’m excited for the 1000^th episode of WWE Monday Night RAW, then you better ask somebody! To me this episode maybe a bigger show than the past two Wrestlemanias. It feels like a restart for the company. As if next week all the mistakes they have made over the past few years will be washed away and this new reality era, akin to the attitude era or the Hogan era, will mature into something special. It was only a year ago that this all began with CM Punk dropping pipe bombs all over the WWE Universe. Now this era has grown up and is ready to launch the WWE into a new dynasty of fresh gifted talent.

Today I want to look into the future a few days and make my suggestions for what should happen on this week’s episode of Monday Night RAW. Now you can be certain of this, 98.9% of this will probably not happen. It just is fun to get your hopes up like a kid the day before your birthday, and wonder what gifts will await you. Sure you can hope for a copy of “Wrestling Road Diaries”, but in reality you’re probably getting socks & an ice cream cake.

The DX Reunion

This is going to kick off the show. On the graphic they have HBK and HHH, yet it looks to be a full blown reunion as the New Age Outlaws, X-Pac, and even Chyna have been rumored to be in the building. It will be great to see all of them in the ring at the same time, cutting the old catch phrases, and crotch chopping until Chyna’s penis falls off. Yet this should also be when Brock Lesnar makes his first appearance.

Monday Night RAW is going to be starting at 8 from now on. People need to be trained to learn to not miss the first hour. That means for the next few weeks, and probably months, big things need to happen during the 8 PM hour. Having Brock destroy the Outlaws, X-Pac, and even Chyna before getting run out by HBK and HHH, will sure heat things up.

It also plays into the rumor that later in the show Brock will face off with HBK in a match. That would be something really special for RAW 1000. Especially if it goes longer than 5 minutes, which it won’t as they will use it to injure HBK and establish HHH/Lesnar as a blood feud.

Heath Slater vs. The Legends

This is the big payoff for Heath Slater. He has lost to almost every legend that has walked down the ramp. This week, when he loses, he needs to lose to somebody BIG. I have read on the internets that the money pick here is the Ultimate Warrior as a reenactment of Warrior’s IC title win at SummerSlam ’88. That would be cool, but there is somebody even bigger who can walk that aisle and pop the crowd for a minute or two.

The Nature Boy Ric Flair!

He isn’t under contract with TNA anymore and he is tailor made for this kind of payoff. The WWE audience only remembers old Flair, not bleed buckets TNA Flair. When his old school music hits and he struts that aisle in a blinged out robe, the building will lose their minds. Then he’ll do a series of chops, a bad back body drop, a cheap shot, and a figure four. Slater will tap like a fool, and Flair will walk back up the aisle. It’s the payoff this angle deserves.

Piper’s Pit

On Twitter this week, the Rowdy one said he wants to give CM Punk some advice backstage at RAW 1000. Why not also come on out and do a Piper’s Pit with, oh I don’t know, THE ROCK! Two of the best talkers in the business kicking off the 9PM hour will drive home that this is a big show. Most feel that Rock will be involved in the main event between Cena and Punk, yet he also needs to cut a promo to let the fans play sing-a-long with The Rock. This would be a great segment to build up the suspense of Rock wanting to challenge the winner for the title at SummerSlam. If done right it can benefit Punk and Cena without having either come out until their match, building the anticipation for the match to a fevered pitch, while also allowing Piper & Rock to give fans a special moment.

The Wedding

I want to start this off by saying the wedding angle is overplayed and only slightly less worse than the pregnancy angle. The fact that this has come out of nowhere and has really only been simmering for two weeks, makes me cringe more. I think Daniel Bryan and AJ could have something special as a long term tandem. That being said, this shotgun wedding is gonna happen, which is why it should go off without a hitch. It won’t, but it should. They should have a bunch of special appearances, but no raining day heel or funny shenanigans like AJ getting cold feet.  

Have Bryan and AJ tie the knot and walk out a happy couple. Then have your nasty heel moment post wedding. Imagine Kane driving their limo as they leave for the honeymoon? The big red machine becomes the green monster of jealousy. It’s a stretch as the Miz or somebody else will probably do something to ruin it. These things tend to follow a retreaded plan.

The Undertaker

It’s rumored that he’ll return for at least the night. I don’t know exactly what he’ll do as the WWE tends to save his wrestling for once or twice a year. There also isn’t anyone who has raised the ire of the dead man lately.

I guess maybe a cool moment with Taker would be him coming out after Ryback destroys Jack Swagger with the two starring each other down as Ryback screams “Feed Me More”. It could plant the seeds for Ryback to possibly beat Taker at SummerSlam, which would be the origin for their streak vs. streak match at WrestleMania. The role of Taker will be an interesting one if he does show up.

The GM

Two words ... Paul Heyman. He & Brock have lawsuits against the WWE in storyline. He settles out of court for control of the shows. It gives him a role outside of Brock. It also gives Brock a power figure to help explain why he is off TV as much as he will be. This should be a no brainer, bit this could also be the role Ric Flair takes on if he isn't the legend pay off. Fingers crossed for Heyman. He's so good as a slime ball.

The IC Title

The fans voted and Christian will be defending his title on RAW. He should defend it against a returning Randy Orton. The two could have an amazing match, plus the Apex Predator’s return will be a big pop moment. Having Orton lose to Christian can only help elevate the IC title. It also can help begin the heel turn that Orton desires. Nothing turns the crowd against a guy like a sore loser. Christian is good at selling a beating, and having a mini-feud with Orton going into SummerSlam could be exactly what the doctor ordered. Christian gets a big win under his belt and Orton gets to be a bad guy, which fits him better. If it’s not Orton, then Wade Barrett would be a good choice too.

The World Title Picture

There are a lot of people who want to challenge Sheamus for the World title. There is Albert Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler, Rey Mysterio Jr, and probably Chris Jericho. Last week we saw Jericho face off with Ziggler, putting him as the defacto good guy in their confrontation. It looks like this might be the mix of talents that ends up being the trademark six man tag for RAW. Needing a sixth person for the match, I would look for the WWE to add Tensai to the mix since he is flirting with becoming Vickie Guerrero’s new boy toy. Yeah I just typed that.

On one side you have Sheamus, Mysterio, and Jericho. On the other you have ADR, Ziggler, and Tensai. They can do the fun six man stuff and Tensai can take a brogue kick, a code breaker, and 619 protecting ADR & Zigs. I would expect Guerrero to start using Tensai as way to soften up Sheamus so that Ziggler can cash in the MITB contract.

The WWE Title

If the intros for this match start any later than 10:30, somebody in the WWE creative team needs to have their head put on a pike like its Game of Thrones. This match needs tons of time because it will have a lot involved in it. If Cena does win, then Punk deserves twenty plus minutes to put him over as a testament to his 240+ day reign as champion. If Punk does win, then Cena deserves twenty plus minutes to put him over as a testament to Cena being the first MITB winner not to cash in successfully. Plus there will be appearances during this match. I am guessing Big Show, The Rock, and a few others.

Also Good Ole’ JR needs to be at the mic telling this story. Sorry Michael Cole and King, but even together they don’t come close to being in Jim Ross’s league. He does more to elevate a match than any announcer since Bobby Heenan. This should be a no brainer on the WWE’s part, especially if they are doing the whole RAW past, present, future gimmick all night.

I said it yesterday that the WWE needs Punk to win this match. It plays better for the company, and Cena just being on the show will bring in the same sales & fans as him being champ. Punk being champ allows for better matches, more diverse stories, and elevated talent. Call him Hollywood because CM Punk makes stars.

I just hope they don’t puss out and do a no decision because of interference only to have this match conclude at SummerSlam. Yet that is probably exactly how it will go with The Rock involved somehow.

The Ending Angle

RAW 1000 will have an ending angle. It might be tied in to the WWE title, or it might be free floating. It is being said that Vince wants something on par with the Summer of Punk or NXT. I say combine the two. Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, and many other developmental talents are ready to revolutionize RAW. Having them close the show with some kind of angle will really catapult them into the spotlight. Maybe they start a feud with Cena, maybe they start a feud with Punk, or maybe they start a feud with both. New blood with tons of talent is exactly what this company needs.

Ambrose can talk and Rollins can wrestle. Together they can do a lot of damage. Imagine if the two ended up costing Cena the title and making him the first MITB winner to screw up cashing in the contract. Yeah that is some instant heat. Imagine Rollins and Ambrose vs. Punk & Cena, A.k.a. The Mega Powers 2012, as the undercard for SummerSlam, where the main event will be HHH vs. Brock. Yeah I’m getting goose bumps thinking about it.

No matter how you slice it, RAW 1000 is going to be a really fun show. It might be one we watch a few times to relive a lot of moments. 8 PM can’t get here fast enough, and that feeling alone is worth the price of admission in my book. Good God it feels great to be a wrestling fan this week.

Monday Night Raw: Next Week Will Be Great

Nothing in the world feels better than walking in your door at the end of a long travel weekend. Every once and awhile things go sideways when you’re traveling. This was one of those weekends. It was great to go to the wedding & hang with some of my favorite people. The three hour drive into the woods, not so much. The 5 hour flight there and the 5 hours back, even worse. Then Travelocity screwing up the tickets so that my wife had to be on a separate flight that got delayed at her connection, horrible. Realizing my wife had the ticket for our car to get out of parking, icing on the cake. Luckily I got to watch Monday Night Raw when it all was said and done.

Last night was leaps and bounds better from the absolute abomination that the WWE presented last week. There was tons of great moments during the show, and you can tell the WWE is prepping for next week’s 1000^th episode to be as big as Wrestlemania. Now don’t get me wrong, this show was far from perfect. It had its bumps, but it was a good show to lead into the big three hour mega show next week, which is exactly what show 999 should be.

The start of the show with Big Show & CM Punk was fun, but nothing ground breaking. It was a good example to indie promoters on how to build a main event on a show. They traded remarks and popped the crowd. Then Show reminds Punk that only one man matters in the WWE, and it isn’t either of them. The tease of Cena coming down to pick the bones after Show knocks Punk’s teeth out was enough to add interest to the main event, especially with their bout being non-title & the feeling that the WWE would put the belt on Superman going into show 1000. Only one flaw in that logic, and I’ll touch on that later.

The tag team division seems to be booked by the WWE interns. It changes from week to week. The Prime Time Players are the #1 contenders, but haven’t won a match since No Way Out. They are a good team. I like their in-ring abilities and they have good chemistry. Yet, they haven’t been presented to the audience as a team to be feared. They lost on PPV the night before to Epico & Primo, who haven’t had a serious match on RAW in months. Then there is AW.

AW is a horrible manager. He can barely talk and they give him a live mic during the matches. Maybe it is because I used to do a similar gimmick as a sports agent who wears all black & talks about owning his own promotions business, but he is not pulling this off. Having him talk over the PA system during the match is distracting & he says nothing of value. He also insults his team while Kofi & Truth are getting their shine. I would rework his character ASAP & take the mic away from him. Also get the PTPs a few wins over some lower tier tag teams to build them up to the audience. If they do a title switch anytime soon, it won’t matter one bit.

Albert Del Rio continues to be a guy that is really catching fire. He and Ryder had a good match to keep building his character. He is ruthless as a heel. Even when Ryder was getting in shots, it never lasted long enough to become anything of note. This was a great way to build a character without destroying Ryder in the process. ADR is becoming primed to be the guy to take the title off Sheamus. It makes a lot of sense. The final push will be with Rey Mysterio.

The WWE production team jumped the gun on Mysterio coming back by cutting to the far camera too early, but who cares. When Rey popped out to save Ryder, the night finally kicked into high gear & the build for RAW 1000 was on. Even in small doses Mysterio is fun to watch. I have a feeling this will be his last run with the company. Starting off with Del Rio will benefit both men before ADR goes for the title, and Mysterio moves into his role as upper card fan favorite.

It was nice to see Rikishi. My wife jokes that my butt is a Rikishi butt. It’s called bumpers butt honey, Mick Foley has one too. Heath Slater is getting close to the big pay off with his legends world tour. The video seems to be showing where his character will go after this, as a delusional heel that distorts the facts. I like it. Who doesn’t hate the guy who thinks he is better than he is? Having Rikishi dance with his sons at the end was great, and I wouldn’t mind seeing him come back to manage his boys. Then again, I bet the contract situation and his money demands are the reason his big butt hasn’t been in the WWE in years.

Now Daniel Bryan is a baby face, it only took a week to happen. This whole Bryan & AJ storyline is a perfect example of a hotshot angle. Why not draw this out? Why not have Bryan try to prove himself to AJ? Why not take a few weeks, or god forbid months, to build to the payoff? Instead he proposes, she accepts, and we have a wedding next week. You want to know why the crowd reacted the way they did, because they didn’t have time to learn to care.

AJ and Bryan could be the next Macho & Liz, but not if you’re trying to do months of storylines in a week. I’m already putting dibs on Miz screwing things up next week. Did you see the look between him & AJ during the match? Yeah, 50/50 says he and Bryan at Summerslam with AJ involved somehow.

Poor Jack Swagger can’t catch a break. He now is the next victim on the Ryback pain train. I am not a fan of the both men getting in the ring, but the match not starting, so it gets tossed out angle. I get that it builds to adding heat to their rematch next week on episode 1000, but maybe have Swagger jump Ryback on the outside before the match instead of having them wrestle a mini-match in the ring. Also why didn’t the ref try to separate them to get the match started? Isn’t that his job? Ryback continues his build. Anyone else thinking he won’t lose until Wrestlemania, when he faces the Undertaker in a streak vs. streak match? Oh guess what a streak DVD is coming out, Shocker! If the WWE gives Ryback the first win over Taker at WM, then he is the next Cena. I would have him with the Royal Rumble, and cash it in for a shot at the Undertaker. Title shots come and go, but ending the streak is once in a lifetime. That’s the way to sell it.

For weeks I have said Dolph Ziggler is the man. Chris Jericho is also the man. Together they are amazing. Without speaking a word Jericho did more to help Ziggler than the WWE creative team has done for the past few months. His facial reaction to Ziggler's comments, and his ability to switch to a good guy on a dime, makes Jericho a valuable asset. Vickie Guerrero is being wasted with these two. They don’t need her to help build this up. You know who does need her? Tensai. They teased it last week, and need to get on that ASAP. Zigs & Vickie need to drift apart so Ziggler can ascend to the main event where he belongs, and Chris Jericho will be the one to get him there.

Speaking of drifting, Brodus Clay is just floating around in WWE limbo. He comes out to dance, he wrestles the same match, and then he dances with the kids. JTG was simply the “Insert Wrestler Here” on this week’s booking sheet. It’s a shame as Clay can really wrestle. I hope they get him a program soon, because as Rikishi will tell you, dancing doesn’t keep you employed forever. Good storylines and feuds do. In fact they could have saved this match for Smackdown or WWE Superstars, and gave the main event the time instead.

When a bunch of different things have the same result you say it is because of a common denominator. It is the only connector between a variety of factors. CM Punk is the WWE common denominator. He just has good matches. He wrestles Kane, and the big red machine looks like a star again. He wrestles Daniel Bryan, and the two have the best matches in the WWE since Bret Hart wrestled Shawn Michaels. Now he wrestles the Big Show, and they blow the roof off. He might be the best all-around wrestler in the WWE since Shawn Michaels was forming DX. He truly is the best in the world.

I wouldn’t mind seeing more Big Show and CM Punk matches. Show is one of the smartest guys in the business, and when given an opponent who can work with his limitations, great things happen. Andre had Hogan, and Show has Punk. The end of the match played into the story for the evening that Show would do the dirty work then Cena would do what all MITB winners do, and cash in for the title.

That works, except that it doesn’t play into the Cena character. As much as people hate Cena, he does stick true to his Superman persona in all facets. Superman would never kick a man while he was down. Superman would never take the easy way out. Superman stands for truth, justice, and the American way. Having Cena come out & let Punk know at RAW 1000 they will lock horns almost a year after Punk took the title off him in Chicago is what Superman would do. It makes sense with the characters involved, and as noted above Punk has good matches with anyone, especially John Cena.

This was a great way to end RAW. These are the two big guns in the WWE right now, and last year they had amazing matches. Add in the return of DX, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, and a rushed wedding to RAW 1000, and you have one hell of a show. I would say next week should be better than this year’s Wrestlemania. If you’re not geeked for three hours next week, then I don’t know what will get you excited.

I also like the very end of the show where Cena lays out the Big Show. This leaves the door open for Show to screw over Cena, extending their feud & helping keep the title on Punk. Punk having the belt looks to be building to a title match between The Rock & Punk that will be a BIG BIG ticket match. How big would Summerslam or Survivor Series be with that match on the card? Plus if Punk beats the Rock, it plants the seeds for Stone Cold Steve Austin to face Punk at Wrestlemania as the man who can do what the Rock couldn’t. Yeah, I’m an optimist. That’s why I truly believe, against my better judgment, that next week will be great … until Superman wins the title, then I’ll pray for Doomsday.