Monday Night RAW: At Least It Wasn’t 3 Hours

I’ve never been waterboarded, but after watching last night’s episode of WWE’s Monday Night Raw I believe I have a round-about understanding of it. From what I gather it makes you believe you’re drowning as you struggle against a water soaked towel that forces liquid down your throat. It is said to be a very traumatic experience. That is what watching RAW was like last night. Every minute I just felt like I was drowning as they shoved a bunch of crap down my throat, and when it was done I knew I had gone through a traumatic experience. In short, people in Gitmo have it better than wrestling fans this week.

Even the CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, and AJ storyline that has been so good felt a little off the tracks. The opening was a ten minute segment stretched to 20. The over dramatic pauses and facial expressions from Punk & AJ were almost too much. I found myself yelling at the TV, “Just say it”. I don’t mind the AJ proposal. It fits her crazy chick character. I even liked the Daniel Bryan proposal, because it fits his do anything to become champ character. I didn’t like that CM Punk, Mr. Pipe bombs on the mic, couldn’t tell AJ no for two hours. The man who verbally ripped apart the company a year ago starting the summer of punk gets tongue tied by a wedding proposal from the nut job. It was a good idea for the night, but was poorly executed.

Besides the tag match in the middle of the show, each match was quick. It felt like the old 80’s WWF when you would watch wrestling on Saturday mornings and each match was a star versus a jobber. Unless my memory is faulty I believe Jack Swagger is a former ECW and World champion but now he is a door mat for anyone. For a guy who can bring it in the ring, he really has pissed off the wrong people backstage.

The same goes for Drew McIntyre. He was once Vince McMahon’s golden boy. Then shit hit the fan and he is fodder for the dancing funkasaurus. I knocked Ring of Honor yesterday for looking like a small time carnival act, but when the kids get in the ring to dance with Brodus Clay it looks like an indie moment. I am surprised more fans don’t jump the rail after watching all the kids get in the ring. I guess it sells more T-shirts, or makes kids drag their parents to the events. You know what else does that? Good storylines & great wrestling. I guess taking the easy way is the WWE way.

I get that Heath Slater is living a dream working with all these legends. He is getting tons of TV time each week. People are starting to take notice of his character. He also did just get beat by a man who held the title in the 70’s; that’s four decades ago. He literally got his ass handed to him by his grandpa. Don’t get me wrong. I have tons of respect for Bob Backlund, but was I the only one who saw him coming to the ring in his blue trunks and thought about an old man in his tighty whities screaming for kids to get off his lawn?

Also what does it say about Sin Cara, who just beat Heath Slater, that Grandpa Backlund can beat Slater in twenty seconds, while Sin Cara takes 4-5 minutes. Unless this leads to some kind of resurrection storyline of Slater getting humbled and then building himself back up over a couple of months, then what is the payoff? He is getting noticed, but only as the guy getting beat by people who won’t be back on RAW at any point. Jack Swagger & Drew McIntyre have room on their jobber cycle built for three when you’re done Slater.

You know one thing I did enjoy; the new spark between Vickie Guerrero and Tensai. The tag match was just a showcase to remind people there is a second ladder match this weekend at the PPV. It also helped Tensai get his heat back by crushing both Christian & Kidd. After, when Guerrero was staring down Tensai like a new piece of meat, it clicked. Vickie needs Tensai to freshen her up, and Tensai needs Vickie to get him over. How great of a feud will Tensai and Dolph Ziggler be? They both can go in the ring, and it is the perfect storm to turn Dolph face. This must have been the part where they took the drenched towel off my mouth to let me breathe.

It didn’t last long as the unwritten tag team rules got thrown out the window. I get you want Big Show to be a beast and destroy everyone. I get that John Cena is Superman and he will always come out on top. I get you want the tag match to be a no contest. I don’t get how Big Show pulling John Cena off of Jericho is a DQ. When does breaking up a pin attempt ever lead to a DQ? Now whenever it happens in a tag match I’ll wonder, why isn’t that a DQ? Again it’s logic. It might not get under most people’s skin, but come on creative, stop being lazy. Write a decent finish. Hell, just have Show grab a ladder and destroy everyone during the match. It’s sloppy booking, but it’s at least logical.

Speaking of tag team matches, why don’t the Prime Time Players get a tag title shot at the PPV? Why are Hunico and Camacho getting a shot, even if on the pre-show? I guess being #1 contenders isn’t what it used to be. Does nobody care about being champs anymore? Last week Gail Kim used her lawyers to get out of a title match on TNA, and now AW is letting another tag team wrestle for the gold before his clients. Why even have the belts if they mean so little?

The end of the show tag match, damn there were a lot of hodgepodge tag matches. Like I said last week, it has become the WWE creative crutch. This match was all angle driven. I enjoyed the tip of the cap by Punk and Bryan to Sonnen & Silva. The missed spinning back fist followed up by a Bryan knee to Punk’s chest made me pop. The end was a retread of this storyline. She kisses both men last week, she slaps both men this week.

I for one would have rather seen a double kick to the balls. It would have popped the crowd, and the visual of AJ “yessing” standing over both men as they squirm on the mat grabbing their jewels would have been another strong closing visual. This feud is in cruise control going into the PPV, which should be looked at as a good thing, because this week creative was shooting themselves in the foot left & right. Staying course through choppy booking might be a blessing in disguise.

Finally, and I almost blocked this out, was the whole RAW Anonymous General Manager. Not only did we have to be victims of another show of Michael Cole being more character than announcer, but then the payoff was the drizzling shits. Yes it did put closure on a storyline, but was it needed? It was one of the worst stories in WWE history, and just when we forgot about it, we had to relive it. Then on top of that it ends up being Hornswaggle.

There is nothing redeeming about this at all. It wasted time that could have been put toward the matches that got cut short. It could have been another former RAW GM that people wanted to see. It could have been left in the deep dark forgotten realms of the WWE where things like ICP & Katie Vick live. Jerry Lawler should be ashamed he let himself get involved in this crap. Andy Kaufman is spinning in his grave knowing he is six degrees of separation from this abortion.

If this is what we have in store for us when Monday Night RAW goes to 3 hours then God have mercy on us all. I’ll tune in every week because I still believe that good wrestling will return. I’ll crawl through the miles of crap in hopes that a few moments will shine bright. Yet after shows like this, I struggle to not put the towel over my head & drown myself, because RAW isn’t WAR, its torture.

Super Smackdown: Holiday Hiatus

(courtesy of wwe.com)

I hope everyone had a great 4^th of July. We broke in the new grill at the townhouse in the sky with sliders, hot dogs, and grilled pineapple. Then fell into a food coma for the afternoon. God Bless America! When I woke up from my food coma, I watched the Great American Bash edition of Super Smackdown on my DVR. Again another holiday show with all the usual holiday bits.

It seems every holiday the WWE has a feast. At every feast there are three things that will happen. One, somebody will get covered in food. Eve got punched tossed on her nice white dress, so check. There will also be a big dance party after the faces chase of the idiot heel, and Ryder  did that, so check number two.  Finally, a heel will try to be a party pooper that leads to a brawl, that happened, which lead to Eve getting the punched tossed on her. So I guess that was actually two birds with one stone.  All of these fill the requirements for a good fight, a star getting a food bath, and a dance off. I swear when it comes to holiday shows the WWE just has a big mad lib booking sheet that they use.

Most of the matches for the show didn’t do much but place hold the current storylines. Anyone who didn’t think Cody Rhodes & Dolph Ziggler were going to be in the Money In The Bank match at the PPV, I have some nice ocean front property in Kansas to sell you. Christian vs. Cody Rhodes is a good match up; then again Christian is like a leadoff hitter for a baseball team because he is consistent each and every time. I don’t know if Christian will ever be the best wrestler in the WWE, but I do know he will never be in the bottom, which is where your second tier champion should be. 

As far as Alex Riley goes, whose apple jacks did he shit in? It’s no shame in losing to Dolph Ziggler, but Riley went from rising star to basement jobber in the span of a year. Remember last summer he was picking up wins against the Miz after Miz was coming off his Wrestlemania main event win against John Cena. Then again Miz is buried under the basement right now so it could be worse for Alex Riley. I mean he is on TV and not forced to make “The Marine 3: Straight to the DVD Bargain Bin”.

The mixed tag match was a throw away match. They didn’t get the new talent over. Layla picked up the win, but she’s the women’s champ so how does that further any storyline between her and Aksana. If Aksana picked up the win against Layla then you can build off that to a title defense on Smackdown next week or even at the PPV. It’s not like anything is going on in the Diva division right now. Cesaro is a talented wrestler, but you can’t showcase much against Khali. Again it’s another case of at least you’re on television, but who cares.

In the realm of who cares, Michael Cole tried to get himself over, again. I know he is doing a character, and it should be the creative team that gets blamed, but his shtick is tired. He is supposed to be interviewing AJ after her big closing moment to RAW the night before, and instead it turns into this creepy old guy at the bar moment. Why choose Punk or Bryan over you Cole? Have you seen yourself in a singlet? Your body is how Lesbians know they made the right life choice.

Again I will state, the Punk-Bryan-AJ feud is saving the WWE right now. Even a segment that started off dive bombing with Cole, ended up being the highlight of the show. Once they got the dirty old perv out of the ring then it got good. AJ shines as the star of the segment. As Punk left the ring his visible dejection sold home that it looked like his shunning of AJ had cost him the title at the PPV. When she jumped out of the ring and gave him a big smacker after kissing Bryan, it just created more of the wild card feel to AJ. Her allegiance to either man can change on a dime, or in the middle of a three count, which makes you want to see what she’ll do at MITB.

This whole feud is making Money In The Bank worth the price of admission. For one, CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan will be the best wrestling match on the card, and maybe the best on PPV this month, depending on Austin Aries vs. Robert Roode this Sunday. Second, AJ’s role as guest ref adds a new element of surprise to the match that will have people sitting on the edge of their seat to see which way her twisted mind leans. Finally, what is the aftermath of the match? If AJ screws over Punk or Bryan, where does that leave the three? Will they all go their separate ways? All of these three elements add to a match that should be the anchor of the show. Mix in two ladder matches including the All Star WWE Title Contract ladder match, and you have a good reason to drop the forty some dollars to get this PPV. That couldn’t be said about No Way Out, which really was only one good match and a bunch of TV filler.

The battle royal at the end of the show was ok. Since the WWE has a PPV built around a huge battle royal, the free TV battle royals never have a main event feel. It was nice to show off some of the big name  talent without them having to wrestle. Zach Ryder winning at the end was a nice touch as he should make Smackdown entertaining next week when the WWE gets geared up for the PPV that Sunday.

The Great American Bash was a nice show. The WWE banked on the fact that most people wouldn’t watch the show because of the holiday, so they didn’t really break new ground. The Punk-Bryan-AJ segment will give them good footage for a video package on Monday, and Ryder being GM for Smackdown will be good to promote next week. If you missed it then there is no need to go out of your way to catch up. Everything you needed to see will be in a recap on Monday. They partied, they kissed, and they didn’t move the needle in either direction. It was a WWE holiday show by the books, even if those books are paint by number.

Monday Night Raw: AJ To The Rescue

(Courtesy of WWE)

The worst part about getting your hopes up is that it hurts more when you’re let down. That was the case with Monday Night Raw, the holiday edition. Last week’s RAW was so good that it had me eagerly awaiting last night’s episode. It has been a long time since I have watched the clock on my cable box waiting for 9 o’clock to swing around. I even watched the last five minutes of NCIS because I didn’t want to miss a moment. Then I was reminded it was a holiday edition of RAW, which traditionally means the company coasts into next week.

That being said the episode wasn’t horrible. It just didn’t seem like a win, but more like a tie. There were some cool moments, but there were a lot of head smack moments. Also there seemed to be a rib by the writers because they were using a lot of cliché indie gimmicks during the show. Then AJ Lee showed up. I’ll get into that later.

It started off with the predictable 20 minutes of talk with John Cena blabbering about motivation. One time I want him to get pissed he got his ass kicked. You look like a moron when you’re talking about how you are now motivated. A chance to win a WWE title match contract wasn’t doing it for him but getting to feel the Big Show’s pimp hand gets Cena’s juices flowing. This is why his character grates on me.

Then Daniel Bryan comes & Yes’s all over the crowd. Who by the way was a bright spot for the show, because the crowd’s energy really helped me make it through the 130 minutes of RAW. CM Punk & Jericho follow to help build heat for the main event. Then Kane comes to remind people he’ll be one of the guys not winning at Money In The Bank. Finally Big Show comes out to motivate John Cena some more. It was a lot shoved into one segment with the purpose of keeping the two big matches for the PPV on the front burner. The hodgepodge tag team match really has become a crutch for WWE creative.

Another crutch is these multi-team 8 man tag matches. The match itself was ok, but AW is a gimmick stealer. Larry Sweeney did the sports agent gimmick way better than AW could dream of. Alexander Cain was even better, and he was a no talent indie hack. Being able to hear AW’s instructions through the arena distracted from what was going on in the ring. Sometimes a good manager is better when not heard or seen. AW seems to be outshining his own team.

In the end AW takes his Prime Time Players and leaves. Cody Rhodes shortly follows. Then Brodus Clay comes out to help four guys beat one David Otunga. Did I miss something, but when does the US Champ, The IC Champ, and the Tag Champs need a fifth guy to beat David Otunga? Good thing it wasn’t Ryback, or they might have needed five more. They are five faces and they gang up on one guy left in the lurch by his teammates. It looks like the anti-bullying campaign is really working in the WWE locker room.

The five on one beat down by the good guys had me so heated that I almost didn’t appreciate Albert Del Rio. He was good before, but he has really turned it up. He has the look and he is great in the ring. The crowd was way into hating ADR and they loved Sin Cara. This made the beat down by ADR come off as a true heel being villainous, not to be confused with four face champs & a dancing funkasaurus running a beat down train on David Otunga. It’s just logic.

Earlier I mentioned that it seemed like the writers were trying to pull a rib on the audience by doing all the cliché indie gimmicks. The first was the bait and switch of Brock Lesnar. Unless I missed something I am pretty sure that they were promoting an appearance by Brock. In fact I think it was in the teaser leading up to the start of the show. Even my wife said, “Oh good Brock is back”. Instead we get Paul Heyman from WWE headquarters. Not to complain because Heyman’s promo was great, but he isn’t Brock Lesnar as promised. Now we get to wait three weeks for Brock to show up. This is no different than when the local indie promotes a WWE star will be showing up and then claims “travel issues” once the show starts. It’s shady, and the WWE should be above the guy running a flea market in Indiana.

The second was the fake Doink the clown. For those that didn’t know that was the Brooklyn Brawler doing the Doink gimmick. This is something that goes on in almost every indie from east coast to west coast. They’ll promote former WWE superstar Doink and then have some local wrestler do the gimmick. Why not just have the Brooklyn Brawler come out and lose to Slater? It wasn’t like the audience remembered who Doink was. The old WWF fans would have enjoyed seeing the original jobber.

Adding to the cliché indie moment was DDP strolling out to give an RKO, I mean Diamond Cutter, to Slater before going back up the ramp. It probably took him longer to cash his check for the night. I assume he does about the same amount of work during his indie appearances like most legends who physically can’t compete anymore, i.e. The Iron “My Leg Looks F*cked Up” Sheik.

Side Note: How Awesome is “No Holds Barred”? It is still one of my favorite guilty pleasure movies of all time. Rip em!

I am glad Tyson Kidd is getting a push. He has tons of talent. He looks to be moving into a feud with Tensai. I’m sorry but the former Prince Albert doesn’t do it for me. His methodic style looks too rigid for my taste. His beat down backstage was good and I hope I am wrong about Albert 2.0. Sabu once told he likes working big guys because it lets you do more because they post really well and they can take more punishment. Hopefully the same holds true for Kidd as he works with Tensai on Smackdown.

Now onto AJ Lee who is amazing. Her character, actions, and whole persona have made her one of the best things in the WWE right now. She stands out from the Divas, and it seems like she can actually wrestle because that shining wizard was one of the better ones. I don’t get why she was in a mixed tag with Sheamus, but I guess her loose tie to Vickie Guerrero from last week and Vickie’s tie to Ziggler, who is kinda feuding with Sheamus, completes the six degrees of separation.

AJ’s backstage stuff was gold. Eating the rose from Bryan. Getting miffed that Punk doesn’t watch her match. Her crazy eyes segment with Eve. All three did a lot to add to her character and her match at the PPV. CM Punk and Daniel Bryan are going to tear the house down, but right now nobody knows how that match is going to go because AJ is a real wild card.  It makes you want to order Money In The Bank, which is something a Diva hasn’t done for the WWE in years. Bravo AJ Lee!

The Main Event was a good match. Cena took some great heat from Jericho and Bryan. Before the match when the two had a catch phrase duel, I popped. If Jericho wanted to stay in the WWE, how awesome would a Byran/Jericho tag team be? They could rebuild the whole division by themselves.

In the end Cena and Jericho fight to the back and that leads to one of the coolest closing angle moments in RAW’s history. For weeks AJ has been distracting Kane by skipping to the ring. With Punk and Bryan it doesn’t work because these two are top gun talent. They focus on what goes on between the ropes. AJ then cranks up the crazy by threatening to launch herself from the top rope to a table she set up on the outside. This is enough to get the attention of the two men.

When AJ kissed Punk and then pushed him into Bryan as both men crashed into the table, I knew this was going to be a special moment. The shot of the two men laid out by the pint sized pixie while the crowd chanted along with her was an amazing way to close the show. In short AJ with her segments and this closer probably saved this episode of RAW.

As far as holiday shows go, most of this was true to form coasting. I didn’t even talk Big Show vs. Kane, because it was just plunder for the sake of plunder. The whole Punk-Bryan-AJ feud is carrying the WWE right now and people like John Cena need to either step their game up or get out of the way. For this week its AJ’s crazy world, and we’re just living in it. And that’s not a bad thing.

Famous Last Words: It Can’t Get Any Worse

Last night I had a big decision, order WWE’s No Way Out PPV or watch the NBA Finals. I went with the option that had better thought out storylines, the NBA Finals. It’s been three games of the Thunder vs. The Heat, and I think the WWE creative staff could take some notes on how to create drama & believable characters. The clueless ref is way better in the NBA than the WWE. After reading Dave Scherer’s Blog on PWinsider.com , I know Jim Ross & I made the right choice for our Sunday night entertainment, even if the Thunder didn’t win.

Again I haven’t seen the Pay Per View yet, and I am only going off various reports from fans & wrestling websites, but when everyone says something is a piece of crap then it traditionally is a piece of crap. The CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Kane three way for the WWE title was the only thing worth watching for the entire three hours. That is one match for fifty dollars, even for the three involved that is asking a lot. Then add in the crap that surrounded a good title match.

First is the burial of Dolph Ziggler. Yes Dolph is one of the best wrestlers on the roster, and would make world champion Sheamus look good, but this wasn’t to build to anything in the future. This was a place holder match until Albert Del Rio gets over his concussion. Putting Dolph into this match hurts his chances of being taken serious as a challenger for Sheamus in the future, say around Survivor Series time. Now Smackdown is hit harder with a legit talent anchored down to the midcard position. Plus Sheamus loses a good opponent to have a lengthy feud with down the line that will help keep his title run fresh.

Didn’t Johnny Ace have a goon to throw at Sheamus if he just needed somebody to lay down for him at the PPV? He did talk down to him in front of the boss on Monday night. I know David Otunga wasn’t really doing anything on Sunday. Not the best storyline to go with, but at least it doesn’t hamstring a legit talent and would have some connections to an ongoing storyline. It also lets the announcers play up the main event for later.

Then there was the tuxedo match, the Ryback squash, & the HHH promo, or as I like to call them, the segments that should have been on RAW. When you pay money to see a PPV you want to see something that doesn’t look like something that you see on free TV. You want a lengthy match between two premiere talents. You want to see a moment that will shock the world. You want to see something that makes you look forward to the rest of the PPV, not your next bathroom visit. These three segments & a subpar Divas match were exactly that, time to go visit the bathroom. Luckily if you’re watching this PPV you’re probably drinking enough booze to get over the feeling of being suckered into paying for this stinking pile that you’ll need to visit the restroom this much.  

Finally there is the main event, which should have been the WWE title match. Instead it’s a cage match between John Cena and the Big Show. The villain in this case should be the Big Show, but Vince McMahon let us all know he’s been a disappointment since 1999. The real villain according to Vince becomes an old fart in Johnny Ace that hasn’t had a good match since Shane Douglas was riding skateboards with him. The old man club sat outside the cage while the two superstars slap each other around in a match that was then distorted more by the carnival that came to help Johnny get the boot.

The paint by numbers writing by creative led to the end everybody saw coming from a mile away. Vince got to say you’re fired, and every fan gets to realize they have wasted the past few months since Wrestlemania. Who needs a build when you can just keep tossing crap against the wall and see what sticks. The only good thing is that Johnny Ace is no longer the main focus on TV … maybe. Remember being fired by Vince on TV means about as much as being fired by your two year old during a hissy fit (See John Cena’s Firing).

Now we’re onto Monday. Tonight is another RAW, and I will be tuning in for the evolution of WWE Title picture. One match on free TV is worth my time, just not my money. I’ll be tuning in because I’m a wrestling fan. I’ll be tuning in out of the sliver of hope that last night was the lowest point for the company & business will begin to pick up. I’ll be tuning in because it can’t get any worse … right?

(Coutresy WWE)

Monday Night Raw, a three hour tour

Last night WWE Monday Night RAW, creeping closer to their 1000th episode, put on a preview of what the future of the show will be with a 3 hour show. For those not in the know when RAW turns 1000th the traditionally 2 hour show will extend to 3, and become a pay per view every week. If last night was a sample of what’s to come then this maybe a case of too much of a good thing.

Some would think more time means longer, better wrestling matches for the talents on the WWE roster to display their abilities. Too bad this show isn’t about wrestling anymore. Too bad the man who got the most camera time last night qualified for Social Security a few years back. Vince McMahon danced, fist pumped, and blew nobody’s house down. He made bad jokes, ran down one of the hottest talents in the company by cracking on Daniel Bryan, and called Big Show a disappointment since 1999. Nothing makes me want to buy a PPV more than telling me the dude facing John Cena hasn’t been worth his money since the millennium. Vince owns the company, and can do whatever he wants. Too bad what he wants makes me want to change the channel.

Not to say RAW was a total waste. There was an interesting CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Kane, & AJ love square. While it was mostly angle driven from the promos to the tag team match, it was still entertaining. Nobody was thinking CM Punk & AJ vs. Daniel Bryan & Kane was going to be a five star classic. The AJ crazy chick persona is really growing on me. She pulls off crazy better than most Divas in the past because it doesn’t look forced. She just seems looney tunes unlike Tara from TNA who always looks like a porn actor trying to deliver scripted lines in her crazy lady role. This whole love square has me debating the question, “Is one match worth the price of a Pay Per View?”.

Last night also highlighted why Dolph Ziggler needs to be let loose on the main event. The constant start-stop of his character has dragged on fans, but his ability to have a good match with a broom has kept him from being sucked into full-time jobber status. The man can wrestle, he can cut a promo, and he can pull the fans into the psychology of his match. Hopefully the misfortune of Albert Del Rio will be the golden goose Dolph Ziggler has deserved. Then again he is about to be fed to Sheamus, who has played a role in the burial of many talents in the past (See Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania). No Way Out may be foreshadowing to Dolph’s role in the WWE midcard.

The HUGE reaction for Vader was a testament to one thing, how bad it has gotten in the WWE. I for one was happy to see the man called Vader as I remember his feud with Sting during the early 90’s in WCW. I also remember how he was never fully elevated in the WWE. He had a few good moments during his WWE run, but I wouldn’t call it the best use of talent. Hell his most memorable WWE match might have been the one on “Boy Meets World”. Yet he got one of the best reactions of the night, better than those who appear on TV each week. It’s good for Vader, and bad for the image of the current WWE product.

In the end two old guys that shouldn’t be in the ring overshadowed the two talents fighting in a cage on PPV. Now the two will be ringside for the match, and that can’t improve things. When RAW goes to three hours in July maybe those two will do what’s best for the show and fire each other, along with whomever green lights the Michael Cole wrestling segments. That’s wishful thinking, and as the WWE has proven in the past, thinking isn’t their strong suit.