I'd Pay To See The Crowd

WrestleMania was horrible. I watched the Cena and Rock match again yesterday, as I fell asleep during it the night before. The finish was fun, but the first 75% wasn't. I had to watch RAW last night because you can't skip the night after Mania. Especially now that it has become the night where the hardcore fans pack one arena and take over the show.

Remember last year? (Daniel Bryan's bank account does) YES! YES! YES!

It would seem that the night after WrestleMania has actually become the don't miss event. The actual BIG show has all the stars but none of the energy. The show last night was a blast and I'd watch that crowd again.

They had energy. They had anger. They had fun.

How special was it for Dolph Ziggler to capture the title last night in front of those crazy fans who truly appreciate all he has done despite the best efforts by the WWE creative team to bury him? He might be #Heel, but even he wants to feel the warmth of the most vocals fans.

Also, maybe Fandango should give a big thanks because that crowd made him a star last night. The humming of his theme song during his match, after his match, matches later on, as the show ended, in the parking lot leaving the building, and even by car horns as the crowd left the parking lot. Amazing.

Maybe the WWE should stop paying The Rock and Brock millions and just pay this crowd to be at every event each week. I bet rating would be better. I know the shows would be more entertaining.

Some worker friends of mine shit on the crowd. They couldn't believe these "marks" could be so disrespectful.

My response: Look in the mirror. The fans wouldn't chant during your match if you gave them a reason not to. Randy and Sheamus have been crammed down people's throats for years, well guess what not everyone is a 12 yr old boy or their Mom (Sheamus & RKO's demographic).

It's the 10PM hour and there isn't a sign of CM Punk, Brock, HHH, or Rock. Hell the Shield was only on screen for 5 minutes. Also where is Antonio Cesaro? That is why you chant, because if the WWE doesn't care about the WWE fans, then the fans don't need to care about the WWE.

I'm probably done for a bit with watching wrestling. I want my last memory to be that crowd. Like being able to die during sex. You want to go out with a bang. (Get It)

I'll keep checking the dirt sheets, but it looks like it is time to cool my heels for a bit. That is until the Monday after WrestleMania next year. That is must watch TV.

"WE ARE AWESOME, WE ARE AWESOME, WE ARE AWESOME!"

Monday Night RAW: Blame The Crowd

I’ve been doing entertainment in one form or another for almost fifteen years now. I started in Radio in 1998 and had been in and out until 2010. From 1999 until late 2006, I made my money in a professional wrestling ring. In 2007, after my second hip surgery before I turned 26, I started doing standup comedy and continue to travel the roads telling my stories today. I’ve spent a majority of my adult life in front of crowds.

Normally only shitty entertainers blame the crowd for a bad show. They usually can’t bring themselves to admit they stunk the joint up. As comic legend Jim Wiggins once told me in a bowling alley in bumfuck, Indiana, “There aren’t bad crowds, just horrible comics”. I believe this applies to all genres of entertainment. Then there was Buffalo, NY last night. They proved there is always an exception to the rule.

I can’t fault the WWE for last night’s RAW. It was a really good showing and it was booked as a very strong show with multiple angles getting over and plans for Mania getting a little clearer. It just sucked that they basically had an empty arena feel with a full crowd. It was like the fans showed up expecting Disney on Ice and a wrestling show broke out.

Since the return of the Rock this has been more apparent with crowds. Dallas was a shit crowd last week. There have been a few more, but they escape me. It can’t be just the return of the Rock. Maybe it is a run of bad luck, but it makes no sense as the WWE has had some strong episodes of RAW recently. It has to be a mix of Cena fans, who only show up to cheer their hero, and Rock fans, who only show up to see the movie star. I don’t know.

Maybe it was the green screen promo that told all the marks they’re dumb for believing this is real, and this is what we get for exposing Oz. What I wouldn’t give for an old school crowd during an old school RAW. Instead all I got was Buffalo. If it wasn’t for your wings, I’d sell you to Canada for Windsor. 

You can’t dwell on the bad stuff forever; especially when this was a pretty big episode of RAW. There wasn’t an epic match like Cena vs. Punk from last week, but those are a true rarity for any show. This week had tons of movement towards WrestleMania mixed in with some great nostalgia.

I dig the cold opening with Undertaker. He’s back. No promo, just the best entrance in wrestling history. That was enough to let everyone know business was picking up. Then the set up for the main event was pretty basic. No over complicating things as beating the Undertaker is now on par with being the main event at Mania. Let’s face it, many people will win WWE titles at future WrestleManias, but only one person will break the streak, if that ever happens. It’s the modern equivalent to slamming Andre.

Poor Cesaro gets the jobber entrance. Ryback is being heavily protected with good workers two weeks in a row. Last week his tosses Ziggler around, this week it’s the United States champ. A nice match, but there was nothing special here. I like Ryback in the opening hour as he has the energy, but is still learning how to be a bankable talent. I also like that they are positioning him for a match (and feud) with Mark Henry.

The World’s Strongest Man is one of the enjoyable parts of the WWE. He has become the best monster in the business. I truly believe he could wreck anyone in his path. He didn’t have a match as much as a persona cementing moment. It was good for what it was intended to do. When Ryback and Henry finally do collide, it should be a really fun match. I’m thinking opening hour of WrestleMania. Unless the Rock wants to use that time to cut a really long promo with no real point or purpose.

I could really care less about Zack Ryder. Just cause you want to be something, doesn’t mean you deserve to be it. I wanted to be a pro athlete growing up, but I didn’t have the talent. The same goes for Ryder and wrestling. He’ll make some good coin on the indy circuit in the future.

Flair is Miz’s mentor. Miz can’t do a figure four unless it is in slow motion. Dolph Ziggler is being jobbed like his name is Steve Lombardi. We have officially entered the twilight zone. It is always good to see the nature boy, and he’s great as a manager. Too bad he was in the wrong corner. I really hope he turns on Miz in the future. I bet he’d do it for a make out session with AJ. She’s his kind of crazy, and crazy chicks dig space mountain. The match was good, but again Miz is off his game. Luckily Ziggs picked up the slack. Hell, I swear I saw Dolph put the figure four on himself as Miz just stood there.

The Rock comes out and tells a drawn out story. His promos are like Mad Libs. Same stuff with a few new one liners sprinkled in. John Cena comes out and now the crowd is happy. The two they came to see are in the ring. Too bad there will still be 2 hours of show left. Don’t want wrestling to get in the way of Cena-Rock fest.

I didn’t like this segment one bit. It has this weird vibe to it. I can’t exactly put my finger on it. I felt like I was watching two guys court each other not for a fight, but for a Craig’s list hook up. The Rock tried to be serious and so did John Cena, and it came off as both being less that genuine. Maybe this should have stayed a once in a lifetime match. I have a feeling this sequel will be on par with Caddyshack 2.

The legends all got crammed into three segments. Why did Dusty and Slaughter come out with Hacksaw Jim Duggan to face Jack Swagger? A simple backstage segment between Hacksaw and Zeb could have helped get that over with the fans. Zeb could say Duggan isn’t a real American, and the two other legends could come to back Hacksaw up. It would have made the attack by Swagger make sense.

The same goes for Million Dollar Man. He and the Prime Time Player did something on the WWE app. Yet DiBiase doesn’t get more than a quick mention during what amounts to a glorified WWE Superstars match. I did like the hundred dollar bill bit, and Bryan sneaking back to take it was funny. The PTP are done. I have a feeling Titus is going to drop Young and begin a singles push. Young will begin his push for Zack Ryder’s spot.

Finally the Honky Tonk Man is maybe part of a six man tag with the dancing duo of Tensai and Clay. They crush 3MB. Honky gives the guitar shot to Slater. I actually liked the booking. Would have liked to see Honky with the New Age Outlaws in this same match, but it looks like Road Dawg and Mr. Ass have bigger plans. When Clay was playing the guitar he looked like a bloated New Jack.

I like Faaaaaan-Daaaaaaan- GO. Any other crowd and that segment was gold. I was surprised to see Kofi in the ring, but it makes sense with Fandango refusing to wrestle until the announcer gets his name right. This does two thing very well. First it is good heel heat to refuse to wrestle, and the second is it establishes his name with the audience. Like him or hate him, you know who he is. Now he can keep talking about how great he is, and people will get pissy cause he never gets in the ring to back it up. I hope this continues until after WrestleMania. I’d even do it on the internet pre-show before the PPV.

Triple H cut one hell of promo. He made this a very personal issue. Sure it was long winded, but by HHH standards it was short. This is the second week in a row that this feud has hit the bullseye. The description of Vince, his family, and Triple H’s inner feeling added a ton to essence of this match. I expect a brutal encounter during Mania.

Best Shield promo yet. Holy crap was that good. Seth Rollins is coming into his own, but again Ambrose steals the show. I don’t know how long they can stay together but the WWE has something special here. This could be the modern age version of the Horsemen. They’re that good.

Del Rio and Barrett had a good match. It was more to get Wade on television to promote his movie, and to get Del Rio a win as he builds towards Swagger. Zeb and Jack come out to watch. They aren’t touching Del Rio. It’s a small thing, but it will pay off in the long run. It helps Zeb sell his point as only Del Rio has been the one getting physical. This segment could have been an hour earlier and let the WWE break up the legends block in the 9 PM hour.

Uncle Zeb and Jack Swagger were all over the TV again. The WWE is really pushing them as top tier heels. The best part is Zeb. He is amazing on the mic, and he makes you hate him for every word he says because he almost sounds like he’s right because he is so vague. Yes people are not respecting our laws for immigration, but it is only because they are coming here for the same reason our fore fathers did, to find a better life for their family. I will be interested to see where this goes after Mania and Del Rio.

I love the New Age Outlaws. If this was a one shot deal then I would have put them with Honky Tonk man for the six man angle. It looks like the NAO could be back on a semi-full time basis. They still can bring it in the ring. Road Dawg is top five on the mic in the current WWE. Billy Gunn looks to be in better shape now than he did in the 90’s. They could sell a lot of merch, and a tag title run could do the WWE a lot of good. That was a really good match with the Colons to get them back in the groove as the next step looks to be a feud with the Rhodes Scholars.

I wouldn’t be opposed to a big tag team three way at Mania between Team Hell No, Rhodes Scholars, and The New Age Outlaws for the straps. That way Rhodes Scholars could win the titles without pinning the NAO, and then the next few months can be the Outlaws chasing the Scholars for the titles. If done right when NAO wins, it’ll blow the roof off the joint. Also it would elevate the tag division, which has been resurrected over the past few months from being a step above the Divas title.

Mae Young is cool. She’s old and she doesn’t give a shit. She deserves everyone’s respect. She’s like that old war vet at the bar that nobody messes with. I have no doubt that Mae will try to wrestle when she is 100.

The fatal four way was cool. I think everyone kind of knew that Punk was winning, but how kept everyone watching. Again the Buffalo crowd crapped all over this. It was smart booking by the WWE as Punk has had a few bad losses lately, and if he is going to lose to Undertaker, then a win over Big Show, Orton, and Sheamus keeps him strong. I would expect a few more wins over big name talent for Punk in the future. He needs to look unbeatable going into Mania.

Overall a strong episode of RAW that set up HHH vs. Brock and Undertaker vs. Punk for WrestleMania. They trudged along with Cena and Rock. Uncle Zeb and Swagger continued their build towards Del Rio. Finally we even got a tease that Ryback and Mark Henry would collide soon. That is a lot accomplished for a show that was built around the older era of the WWF. If the WWE could do this much during a regular show, then the build to Mania would be in good shape.

We’re 33 days away, and I can’t wait. WrestleMania might be the most loaded card in years. The Hall of Fame is stacked. There are three to four matches that could close the show. Too bad Buffalo didn’t think so. I hope they enjoy their future of house shows. They’re the #52 media market in the country. Not a must hit for the WWE. Just run DC four times a year, and you’ll never have to go back. Buffalo can only blame themselves for this. They suck.

Dragon Gate USA Weekend: Johnny Gargano vs. Jimmy Rave

It's Monday! I'm wrapping up the Dragon Gate USA weekend today with the DGUSA champion. The belt above is a pretty damn cool looking title. I would say this belt is one of my favorites and is by far better than that WWE spinner belt. Then again I've seen indy belts made with aluminum and a bedazzler that looked better than that title.

I find it fitting that I wrap up DGUSA weekend today with an Old School Monday Night RAW tonight. Talk about two opposite ends of the spectrum. Then again I'd love to watch the late 80's/early 90's WWF stars try to do half the things the guys (and girls) from Dragon Gate USA pull off.

I don't know if Dragon Gate will ever be one of the top two promotions in the country. I don't believe they even want to be. Don't get me wrong, they would love to sell out 20,000 seat arenas. What I mean is that the promotion has never made serious attempts to secure a national television deal, and they haven't run a full slate of house shows like a TNA or WWE. I really think that their current iPPV and DVD business structure is what works best for the japanese off shoot. As long as the product in front of the camera doesn't change then I'm happy with that.

Today's match is a little older, but I couldn't do a DGUSA weekend without showing Johnny Gargano. He is probably the biggest home grown star for the promotion. He came in as part of a stable known as Ronin, and played second fiddle to Chuck Taylor (a funny funny guy). He ended up being the breakout star of the group and catapulted himself in the DGUSA title picture.

Over a year ago, like CM Punk, Gargano won his title and hasn't looked back. His biggest test is coming up at WrestleCon during WrestleMania weekend when he defends the title against japanese icon, Shingo. This will be a match that can't be missed. You can see it on iPPV for like 1/4 the price of WrestleMania. That's a helluva deal.

Now Gargano has not only become one of the best wrestlers in the promotion, but he has also become one of the best promo men on the independent wrestling circuit. Check out his latest promoting WrestleCon:

 

Johnny Gargano has become the total package. I'd go see him fast because pretty soon he'll only be seen in Tampa, Florida. If you don't believe me then check out today's match with indy main stay Jimmy Rave. It's a two parter, so sit back and enjoy!



 

 

That is a talented dude, and one of the reasons that DGUSA is successful. I hope you enjoyed this Dragon Gate USA weekend. I'll try do more weekends in the future with independent promotions and talent. Please leave any suggestions in the comment box, or click the contact link to drop me a line.

 

Also don't forget to swing by the Dragon Gate USA site and pick up some merch. It supports the cause and a small business. When you do that you help create jobs. That helps the country. Don't you want to help the country? Aren't you a Real American?

 

See that segway! Remember to check back tomorrow for my weekly Monday Night RAW review. It's Old School RAW tonight, which should be a fun show with all the stars for glory days passed. I'm also keeping my fingers crossed for our first Undertaker vs. CM Punk at WrestleMania encounter. That and more of Uncle Zeb's amazing mustache.

 

Until tomorrow remember this advice: Life's a work, duck the clothesline. 

Break Down The Fourth Walls!!!

Since Wednesday evening when the story broke about Jack Swagger getting caught by the Mississippi police with pot in his car, the internet had wondered how the WWE would respond to the situation. Would Swagger get fired? Would he be suspended? Would he start driving the roads with Randy Orton? Right now none of these things are happening because the WWE decided that Swagger's first duty was to stand beside Dutch Mantel as he ripped Glenn Beck a new ass. Watch here:

 

It would seem that we'll have to wait until Monday night to find out what the future holds for Jack. Right now it looks like the buzz he has created with his TEA party character is worth more than the negative image a drug bust comes with. Fox News took the bait. Alex Jones took the bait. Even the Beckster took the bait. They all gave the WWE more free pub than The Rock has gotten the McMahons in two months.

 

Rumor is that this thing has gotten so red hot that Stephanie McMahon called her writing team in late Friday night to figure out a way to insult Beck on RAW since Glenn turned down the invitation from the video above. It is surprising that Beck wouldn't jump on this. The WWE reaches a lot of people and Beck lives off monthly subscriptions for his snake oil.

 

Then again, unlike the WWE, Beck realizes that more people line up to the box office if they think the show is real. Going on RAW, and standing in the ring with two characters that mirror Beck's persona, only shines a light on Glenn that he might be the biggest worker in the ring.

 

Looks like the outrage and free press of the right wing has saved Jack Swagger. He might have lost a chance to carry the World title but he could be the biggest draw coming into WrestleMania, and McMahon's always choose money over morality. Maybe this was the best time to get busted for pot. Especially when you have a bigoted "get out of jail free" card like Alex Jones or Fox News.

 

I'm working on an "Armchair Booker" for Monday. I'll look at how I would have addressed the Swagger situation and the weeks leading up to WrestleMania. I'll talk suspension. I'll talk angles. I'll even give my finish for Mania. Check back in on Monday for that.

 

Until then, remember it's all entertainment, just don't try it at home. Like singing Glee songs in the shower. There are others to think of in this world. Like roommates or neighbors or your twenty cats. Glee fans... they know that shit is fake, right?



Monday Night RAW: Hugs and Headlocks

Did you know there is a pay per view this Sunday? If not then the WWE did a good job of telling you. Almost the whole three hours this week had some role in the Elimination Chamber event this weekend. The WWE champion also appeared for a quick cup of coffee, and a shitty story. I feel special.

Maybe it was me, but this week seemed to have more bad acting than usual. Some of the promos, in-ring and backstage, came across as scenes from a soap opera. Even Paul Heyman and CM Punk pulled the over-the-top dramatic act. I think they were trying to make fools of themselves, but it continued through the night.

I guess it all got started when Paul Heyman came to the ring. He was being topical by resigning, as the Pope did earlier in the day, and talked about how the WWE is against him. It was a good promo that told a good story. It might have been drawn out. The end where CM Punk almost begs Paul to stay in his corner was the campiest the duo has been during their run. I couldn’t tell if they were making fun of the situation, or if this was just some class A crap acting. Also did Punk wink during their hug? Is he turning on Heyman? Or did I just see things?

Mark Henry crushes things. There is nothing fake or campy about him. I only wished he would have smashed Khali quicker. It would have saved us from watching Khali try and wrestle. He could have done just a bum rush to start the match, and then do the kill-the-midget spot.  I’m being nitpicky, but more destruction & less Khali are good things. Mark Henry looks fantastic in his return. A great addition to the WWE roster for WrestleMania season.

Vickie and Paul have more bad acting. Vince calls on the phone. He agrees to Heyman’s stipulation that if Rock gets DQ’d or counted out, then he loses the title. I have a feeling that Vince’s voice was faked. It makes no sense that McMahon would give Heyman air to breathe, let alone a stipulation in his favor. Prepare for this to play into Sunday, as in Rock gets DQ’d and then the decision is upheld on Monday. I smell a Rock vs. Punk vs. Cena match at WrestleMania.

Jericho vs. Bryan was a really fun match. While I enjoy Team Hell No, Daniel Bryan is ready to be a top singles star for the WWE. He can have a good match with anyone. He can have amazing matches with the other main event stars. I really hope Bryan and Cena can have a nice feud once Superman in Jorts gets out of the title picture. I think they could do good things for both men’s current status in the company. The elimination chamber match this Sunday is shaping up to be a strong bout.

John Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback toss around 3MB and then cut a promo. Nothing new here. Pretty text book way of pushing the super baby faces, or as I call them “The Just-Us League”, before the pay per view. It should be a hot 6 man tag on Sunday.

Big Show and Alberto Del Rio continue their feud. I have no interest right now. They aren’t doing anything bad, but their segments don’t get me excited. Show is mad that people are laughing at him. ADR is learning how to be a good guy. I like both men, just not in this feud anymore. Hopefully after Sunday they can both go their own way. Del Rio’s match was a glorified squash. Poor Sandow.

Jack Swagger is a crazy right wing nut job now. Uncle Zeb is going to do a lot for Swagger. I bet Ted Nugent and Rush Limbaugh are fans. The former Dutch Mantel is one of the best minds in the business. He has made a lot of the big names people know in this industry. Swagger has always lacked that kind of long term mentor to teach him the little things. He has always been gifted, but now Swagger may have found the key to breaking through. He looks to be building towards a show down with Alberto Del Rio. I hope they hold off until after WrestleMania. That could be a strong summer feud. Look for Swagger to pick up at least one pin in the chamber this weekend.

I have friends who like Wade Barrett. He just doesn’t do much for me. He never did on NXT. He never did as the leader of the Nexus. He doesn’t now as the IC champ. The Bo Dallas program is a good one. Barrett needs a big time feud to push him. He’s another guy who could benefit from a long summer program with somebody like Daniel Bryan or Chris Jericho.

Miz got his receipt from this weekend. The whole match up with Cody Rhodes’ Mustache was a backdrop to continue the Cesaro feud. Antonio, who is one strong gentleman, does an amazing spot with the Miz. He swings him around and smashes his body into the guardrail repeatedly. I enjoyed this, and look forward to their singles match this Sunday.

Now Cesaro and Barrett don’t have matches this Sunday. Normally I would say they would both get matches. In fact I believe Barrett will face Bo Dallas during the internet pre-show, and Cesaro will face Miz during the pay per view. Maybe they can do Barrett & Cesaro vs. Miz & Dallas in a tag match. It would be another way for Dallas to pin Barrett and move their feud along. That would be a good 8-10 min pre-show match.

My crystal ball is working overtime. I called Jack Swagger’s gimmick last week. Now Brodus Clay and Tensai are squashing tag teams. I like them as a team and it looks like they’ll get a couple weeks to build their reputation. Their finisher of a running head butt followed up by a senton splash is a strong finisher. When they get the fluidity of that finisher worked out it will look super cool. Especially for two big men with tons of agility.

The Shield cuts their longest promo. It is nice, but it didn’t have the same energy they have had in the past. It felt like they were just off the mark. The good guys come out and clean house. Brawling into the stands always looks good on camera. The crowd got hyped for this segment. Again this looks be a great match up for Sunday. I’m thinking two pro-good guy segments on RAW means a win for the Shield on the pay per view. I just don’t know who takes the pin in that one. Odds are on Sheamus.

Kane versus Dolph Ziggler was a fine television main event. They both had good reasons for being in the chamber. Kane is starting to get testy with Daniel Bryan. Dolph wants to get his hands on Jericho. Only one man can continue their path. They have a good little match with some shenanigans by AJ and Big E. In the end Dolph learns he is better off on his own than with his traveling psycho circus. Looks like Kane and Bryan are headed to splitsville before Mania. Dang I liked them as a team.

Last week The Rock didn’t even show up. Now we wait until the very end of the show for him to come out. He tries to pretend he had an indy career because he wrestled for a few months in Nashville for 40 dollars. Less than a year later he was on the WWE main event roster. Not exactly a story of struggle. We did however get a story from the Rock.

That was the most boring promo the Rock has cut since his return. He really thought he had gold with that “crackhead” line. Too bad it bombed. It bombed every time he mentioned crackheads. First rule of comedy is when a joke doesn’t fly; you don’t keep trying to make it work. The Rock does little to really help push the main event this Sunday. It again was about The Rock, and his glorified past. You know the one where the cool 15 year old Rock is drinking in bars and driving stolen cars.

Punk comes out with Paul Heyman and they remind people there is another person in the match this Sunday besides Rock & his ego. They puff chests at each other, and then a brawl breaks out. Punks steals the title, as he should, and in a few minutes Punk does more for their match up than the champ has done in two weeks. But Rock did have a Superbowl commercial and 3 movies coming out, so that helps numbers … riiiigggghhhhttttt. 

I have a feeling this stipulation was tagged onto this match because the WWE knows that the Rock won’t lay down, but they can’t keep the title on him. I am calling something screwy this weekend. Maybe Brock attacks Punk to get Rock DQ’d. Maybe Rock gets demolished by Brock and gets counted out. I just can’t stop thinking they are going to uphold the title with this decision and end up with the Rock vs. Punk vs. Cena for WrestleMania. In the end that is a better match than Rock vs. Cena. So I’ll take it.

This is the current card going into the Elimination Chamber PPV:

WWE Title
Rock vs. CM Punk
If Rock gets DQ’d or Counted Out he loses the title

World Title
Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show

The Shield vs. The Just-Us League

Elimination Chamber
Chris Jericho vs. Kane vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger vs. Mark Henry vs. Randy Orton
Winner gets a world title match at WrestleMania

WWE Divas title
Kaitlyn vs. Tamina Snuka

Not Announced: Wade Barrett IC title match up & Antonio Cesaro US title match up

I’ll have another edition of Quazi’s Crystal Ball to give a preview and predictions for this Sunday. Look for that this Friday afternoon. Until then, Elimination Chamber looks like a strong pay per view. One of the best non-major pay per views of the year. Kudos to the WWE on really bringing it this WrestleMania season, minus an hour of programming a couple of weeks ago. I’m still going to therapy for that. I need a hug.

Monday Night RAW: Just Like Pizza, It’s Even Better A Day Later



Normally when this review gets posted a day late it is because I couldn’t stand the latest edition of Monday Night RAW, and needed a cooling off period before writing the words, “Fuck This”, for four pages. This week couldn’t be farther from the truth. Those who read this regularly know that my wife and I recently had our first child. Monday night I got to experience my first nuclear meltdown where nothing seems to calm him. That means I didn’t see RAW until Tuesday.

The little guy is doing great and it seems he had a nasty case of gas. I think my wife had some spicy food and he didn’t handle it well. I know we’ve all had a few bad taco nights. This was his first. Knowing he is my kid, it won’t be his last.

Ghost Chilis? Fuck yeah, let’s do this… oh god.

I REALLY enjoyed this week of RAW. Funny part is, No Rock. Yup, No WWE champion. That right there puts a black mark on the product. No taped interview, just old recaps from last week. This is why he shouldn’t be champ. CM Punk should have retained and they could have Dwayne chase the belt until Mania. Then the next night after the biggest show of the year he retires champ. That means there wouldn’t be an episode of RAW without the WWE champion. Can’t say that now and it has only been 2 weeks of the Rock’s reign. Big time fail, but the WWE did get to plug that their champ had a Super bowl commercial and is in a ton of blockbuster movies. None of which are from WWE films. SMH.

The opening with CM Punk was top notch. I have found when the WWE starts out strong it really helps the overall product. Punk does so much so well, but his mic skills as of late have been out of this world. He stood toe to toe with the best promo man from the attitude era, and now he is must see every time he is talking. The Justin Roberts bit was great. I also like that he is continuing his streak. Maybe he’ll come out with his own belt next week. That’d be cool.

Booker T does what Booker T does. They push the WWE app. It is the digital age and I can’t fault them for it. If Nielson starts to use social media and new media as a factor in ratings then the WWE has really laid a lot of good ground work that will surely pay off. The minute Nielson makes it official, go buy WWE stock. Those first ratings will be stellar.

Cesaro and Ryback have some good chemistry. I was surprised that Antonio got as much offense as he did. He is the US champ, but Ryback has been chewing up workers lately. This match to open things up in the ring was well paced, and told a good story. I wouldn’t mind seeing these two in a lengthy feud. Ryback is really over with the southern crowds. He’s an old school meathead baby face, and the south digs those kinda wrasslers.

They had a lot of recap and video segments after this match. I know the WWE is trying to catch people up, and push their various outlets, but damn that was a lot. Also John Cena puffed his chest. He is going to call the Shield out later. He just can’t take a beating lying down. It happens each time he gets laid out. This promo was the same rinse and repeat as usual from Superman in Jorts.

Jack Swagger is back. He has a beard and he doesn’t waste as much time in the ring. His move is called the Patriot act. I am guessing he will be an idealized dick. He will be that guy who thinks anyone who doesn’t think like him isn’t patriotic. Should do well as a heel with the Hispanic audience. Guess what, a Latino is world champ. See how that works.

Alberto Del Rio was next. He crushed Cody Rhodes. Poor Cody and Poor Cody’s mustache. I really hope he can get a jump start on his career after jobbing out the past two weeks. I guess 3MB was busy. A feud with Goldust would do the trick, and fans want to see that undercard feud. This was all to get ADR on TV to build towards him and Big Show later. Besides the sacrifice of Cody Rhodes, it was all good.

Please dear God give me matches like Daniel Bryan and Rey Mysterio every week. Holy crap was that fun. Anytime Rey works with a person who can do good lucha, he excels. I think he gets excited to work old school since most WWE workers can barely spell Lucha Libre, let alone work in that style. Bryan can work any style in the ring. A big win for the bearded warrior. Do I want more of this next week? YES! YES! YES!

I love me some Mark Henry. He is such a great monster. The way he walks. The moves he does. All the little actions and remarks that he does work together to make a terrific package. Mark Henry has come a long way during his time in the WWE. He is primed to be a top tier heel in the World championship division. If the WWE has really hitched their wagon to Alberto Del Rio, he has a ton of worthy challengers to keep his reign fresh. Big Show, Dolph Ziggler, Sheamus, Randy Orton, Jack Swagger, and Mark Henry. That is a year’s worth of feuds right there.

Sheamus beat Kane. Team Hell No is closer to breaking up. Sheamus stays strong heading into the PPV. It was pretty much a paint-by-the-numbers segment here.

Paul Heyman on MizTV was flawless. If you’re going to be mouth piece or a manager in pro wrestling then watch Heyman’s latest run with the WWE. From his initial introduction with Brock Lesnar to backing CM Punk, and now coming full circle with Brock Lesnar. He truly is one of the best storytellers and characters in the business. It is all the little things that he does. The bit with Vickie Guerrero was picture perfect. It doesn’t get better than that.

Miz is lost. He tries to be smarmy and cocky but it doesn’t work when he isn’t a bad guy. It comes off campy and forced. Some people just can’t be good guys. The Miz is one of them. He does take a good beating though.

Brock Lesnar is big time. He may only wrestle like 4 times a year. As long as they don’t make him champ then I don’t mind that. Every time he walks down the aisle he has that “something awesome is going to happen” feel. Maybe it is the fact that his a multiple time UFC champ, but Brock makes pro wrestling feel legit when he is on camera. That is something that is rare in today’s pro wrestling environment. I am guessing Miz vs Brock in the future as a good PPV undercard match. If so, Elimination Chamber is shaping up to be a must buy pay per view.

Orton and Barrett hook up. I like their matches. They don’t do anything that breaks new ground. Barrett loses for the second week in row. Would have liked to see some Bo Dallas in this match either on commentary or in some role. It would have given Wade something in this match that was designed to push Orton going into the PPV. It could have set up Wade vs. Bo at the PPV for the title, a nice opening 8 minute internet pre-show match for Elimination Chamber.

Bruno Sammartino is in the WWE Hall of Fame. He deserves it. To many, he was the last legit WWE champion before the company went toward the entertainment heavy product of the 80’s and beyond. He made Stan Hansen’s lariat seem like the deadliest weapon in wrestling. This is shaping up to be the best Hall of Fame class in WWE history.

What can you say about CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho? If I can get matches like this and all I have to do is suffer through the WWE pushing their app for two hours, then I’ll make that deal every time. These two are both top ten performers of this modern generation. They can talk. They can wrestle. They can do anything the WWE asks them. It is almost unfair when two talents this skilled at their craft are paired in the ring. It makes the rest of the WWE roster look like minor leaguers. Take away a few recaps and give me 5 more minutes of these two. Hell I wouldn’t mind 3 hours of it.

Big Show and Alberto Del Rio had a good segment. It was better than last week. I like Show and Del Rio is growing on me. I think after Elimination Chamber the two should go their separate ways. This story has run its course. My only question is why anyone didn’t peak their head out of the hotel doors to see what is happening? It might have been a cool little thing to do with some hired extras to add a reality aspect to the segment.

I can’t stand Brad Maddox. He is creepy. He does take a good beating. See a silver lining. It was worth having him in the ring only to hear the line, “Nobody said Justice was free” from Ambrose. The Shield is a top attraction. I also like the touch of having Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback come through the crowd Shield style. The other WWE wrestlers coming from the back was good too because it showed all the enemies the Shield has made.

The big names get the upper hand but the Shield escapes. I like it. I’m looking forward to these two teams meeting in an Elimination Chamber match. It is fresh way to present the match as a War Games style six man tornado tag. New twists are always cool in my book.

This week’s RAW was a quick three hours. It really didn’t have much lag time. After last week’s debacle, I guess my bar wasn’t set very high. It will be interesting to see how they follow up during the go home show next week. Maybe the Rock will actually show up this time. Would be nice to the see and hear from the WWE champ leading up to a pay per view.

Until next time remember that AMC’s The Walking Dead is back this Sunday. As you watch the mid-season premiere think of this little fact: When most humans die, they crap their pants as muscles relax. That means most walkers are cruising around with a giant load in their shorts. That means before you die from a zombie attack the last thing you smell is rotting flesh and crap filled pants. Same goes for when a wrestler has to make out with Mae Young.

Show Your Ass

It’s Monday! That means another edition of WWE Monday Night RAW. That also means living in fear that Boobs McMahon and the rest of creative will unleash another 9 PM hour on us. We could be faced with more large men in lingerie, a slow plodding assault with the kind of energy you find in a retirement home food fight, and a Divas match. The latter might be the worst.

Out of all the crap that was shoved down our throats last week, there was a diamond in the turd. That was Tensai. I remember the old Prince Albert, personal piercer to Test. I also remember Giant Bernard, the monster from Japanese wrestling. They both are the same guy, Tensai. Now there is a forth rendition of Matt Bloom. That happened when he showed his ass on RAW last week.

“Showing Your Ass” is a term I used when working angles or storylines that are just beyond horrible, but you find a way to get yourself over despite the turd burger you’ve been crammed into. The theory being if you just go over the top then you can somehow rise above the mess. Instead of people laughing at you, they laugh with you, because even you know what is going on is a joke. A good example of that is this match I did for a charity show in Dearborn, MI back in 2003. (Yeah I feel old now too.)

The promoters put myself and my friend Klunk into a match with untrained wrestlers, a guest ref (who had cancer and wasn’t involved in wrestling), and told us to work 20 minutes. Instead of trying to pull off a match, we put together about 7 moves and mixed them with 18 minutes of shenanigans. It isn’t the best wrestling in history, but there is a method to the madness.

The cool part is that Klunk, myself, and Badunkadunk had a lot of fun because we never gave a shit. We actually got a decent following of people who enjoyed our shtick. We never fooled ourselves in thinking we were going to be a main draw for any promotion, but we were entertaining. Again watch the match for all the little details, time wasters, and other ways we found to hide the fact that 75% of the talent involved didn’t have much (or any) training.

I used this as an example of Monday night because it isn’t my finest moment. I’m not putting that ahead of any of my Chris Sabin, Conrad Kennedy III, Nate Mattson, or Sabu stuff. Those matches were on another level. I do like to show it as a true example of showing your ass. We got over with the crowd despite being put into a turd of an angle. Just like Tensai did last week.

He showed that he is one helluva worker by taking that segment and using it to boost his character. Before last Monday, Tensai was a big guy with no charisma that did nothing to move the needle in the WWE. Now he has turned this moment into instant personality. His twitter feed this week has been classic. He also had a great match last Wednesday on WWE Main Event. I actually want to see Tensai because the concept of him on a team with Brodus Clay interests me.

The two are both monsters at the opposite ends of the spectrum. Tensai is big and mean but, until last week, had the personality of a manila folder. Brodus Clay, once a feared bodyguard to Alberto Del Rio, is the cuddly 400 pound dancing dinosaur who couldn’t intimidate a four year old child. This is what happens when peanut butter meets chocolate. It’s a good combo. Now maybe one can fill the void of the other. Tensai can get funky, and Clay can get nasty.

None of this would have happened had Tensai not shown his ass. He could have mailed in that segment. He could have gone to twitter, like Zack Ryder, and bitched about WWE misusing him. He instead took the ball and danced with it. Now I wouldn’t be surprised to see him and Clay on RAW tonight in a tag match.

The tag division is shrinking. It looks like Rhodes Scholars are done. The Prime Time Players are next on the list to be broken up. I am guessing Clay and Tensai will be the feud that splits up the two. The tag champs, Team Hell No, are headed towards splitsville too. That leaves a pretty big hole in the division. A monster team like Clay and Tensai would fill that hole pretty easily.

When you really look at it, we’ve all had to dance in lingerie to get further in life. Then again maybe my boss just does yearly reviews a little different.

Tune in tonight to see the fruits of taking a bad angle and running with it. I for one will be cheering the team of Clay and Tensai. Mostly because fat guys gotta stick together.

(Side Note: Happy Birthday to Chris Sabin. One of the best talents in the world. Hope his knee gets better as wrestling isn’t the same without him.)

Monday Night RAW: WTF

The earlier versions of this review contained a high concentration of the phrase, “What the fuck?”. I decided that I needed a day to let my thoughts clear. Even a day later, I still hold the same sentiment towards this post-Rumble Raw. That 9 PM hour was on par with some of the crap WCW Thunder used to churn out. This week should have been dubbed “The Shit Factory” because that seems to be all that creative could produce.

It wasn’t an all bad RAW. There were some really good moments. That actually made things worse because you’d get crushed, then your hopes would go up, and finally they would get crushed again. I feel that people cheered for Brock Lesnar giving Vince an F5 because they had to sit through three hours of that sludge. Make me watch Tensai in lingerie … take that old man!

Things started on the right track. CM Punk and Paul Heyman did a good job of putting their spin on the events of the night before. He got screwed by Vince, and he sold it. Again Punk delivers another great promo and Vince does the smart thing by doing a short response with a tease for later. This was a really strong opening segment that hooked fans in for later, recapped the events of the night before, and put more steam into Punk & Rock’s feud.

The match between Orton and Cesaro was fun. These two work really well together and Miz as the guest ref helped give Cesaro a purpose in this match aside from putting Randy Orton over. For the most part Miz didn’t try to do too much, which happens with guest refs. Or regular refs on the indy circuit (I.E. Any ref that thinks doing moonsaults during a match is cool). The finish was clunky but it all worked. Orton got to get the win and Miz got his revenge from the night before. The after match finisher might have been too much as Miz is the good guy here. I guess the lines are blurred with him.

Ryback and The Prime Time Players had a joke off. The WWE wasted a promising tag team with this segment. Ryback didn’t need to be here. This was the first big waste of the night. Ryback is a monster and shouldn’t be in stupid SNL skit type segments. He’s Scott Norton, not Buff Bagwell.

I enjoy the story starting between Wade Barrett and Bo Dallas. Bo takes a beating but the cocky Barrett gets caught for the pin. I don’t know about Dallas using the belly-to-belly for the finish, a school boy or small package would have been better than a finisher. It’s nitpicky.

Now here is where the show begins to go off the rails.

Cody Rhodes is part of a tag team. He challenged for the tag titles the night before. He even got a great reaction during the Rumble, especially when his brother entered. This means people kind of care about him. That means his character has something the WWE should be capitalizing on. John Cena just wiped the floor with him. There is a ton of jobbers on this roster. Cody Rhodes shouldn’t be one of them. I guess his tag team with Sandow is done. Poor Cody … that mustache deserves more respect.

Then Cena cuts another promo where he gets lost in the middle. Oh and he gives away a segment for later. He talks about the challenge of facing either CM Punk or The Rock, depending on which is champ. So he knew that an hour later Punk was going to challenge Rock to a singles match at the elimination chamber PPV? Great way to spoil the surprise. There should be people watching these details. I’m guessing the Shield attacked him because the injustice was that Cena couldn’t remember not to talk about the 10 PM hour to begin the 9 PM hour. I like the idea of the chamber being a slimmed downed version of War Games between two 3-man teams. See there is something positive.

Until after 10 PM, Monday Night RAW was unwatchable. Tensai (Matt Bloom) is a helluva worker. The segment with him in lingerie and then dancing with Brodus Clay was on par with Mae Young giving birth to hand or HHH dry humping a mannequin. Tensai did the only thing he could and showed his ass.

There are some times when something is so out there and crazy that the only way to make it entertaining is to stretch it beyond its silliness. That is what Tensai did. Kudos to him on owning that shit sandwich of a segment. Also why does Brodus Clay now act like a bad Saturday morning cartoon character? The guy who comes to the ring with two big booty strippers is geared towards the 6 years and younger audience? Makes sense to me.

I get what they tried to do with Alberto Del Rio and Big Show. It just should have been a lot shorter and with more energy. The whole bit of tying up Del Rio and Show torturing Ricardo took forever. Aside from an entertaining Rumble match, this feud has been a dud. They need to wrap this up and move onto something new for both men. You know it is bad when Shane Helms, who is traditionally positive to a fault, craps on it during his live tweets.

To complete the hat-trick of crap, there is a Divas match. They’re in Las Vegas, so it is a showgirl lumberjills match. Snuka could be a really good wrestler for the WWE. This little segment did nothing for her. Kaitlyn better keep stroking the “ego” of whoever is in charge of the Divas. Her in ring talents aren’t doing her any favors. I feel at this point any words I use to write about the WWE Divas division is waste of my time.

The Rock is back. Things have picked up and he talks about this being the greatest moment of his life. I mean he never was champion when he had three movies out and this will sure be more profitable than those other times, plus he doesn’t have to wrestle on house shows. Yeah I’d be excited for that title run too.

Punk comes out and these two have one of their best exchanges. Punk makes the challenge for their rematch that John Cena talked about an hour ago. The little jabs by Punk were great. The one about swearing was dead-on. Again Rock was good, but CM Punk owned him on the mic.

The team of Sandow and Rhodes is really buried now. Cody got destroyed by Superman in Jorts. Sandow now gets to get manhandled by the Ginger Warrior. Sheamus doing White Noise through a table was kinda cool. I like that and expect it be something that starts to pop on the indies soon. Alas, Poor Team Rhodes Scholars! I knew thee well.

That Zack Ryder, 3MB, and Khali thing happened. None of these guys could have taken Rhodes and Sandow’s place on the jobber train tonight? Just point to the TV and show us where the WWE hurt you.

Ziggler and Jericho is a fun feud. It looks to be something that will be used to get Ziggler jump started going towards Mania as they still try to figure out what to do with his Money In The Bank status. Poor guy has more jump starts this year than an old Ford pinto. In the end we did get a Ziggler/Jericho vs. Team Hell No match. That isn’t a bad thing.

They’re starting the descent on Kane and Bryan. I hope this is a false break up and they come back stronger than ever. I’m not holding my breath. At least we get to see Daniel Bryan in more singles action soon.

Congrats to Trish Stratus on making the WWE Hall of Fame. I remember when she started with the company and couldn’t even wrestle. She was a fitness model with an incredible body that the WWE exploited with some head smacking storylines. Trish put in the time, unlike many of the current Divas, and ended up being one of the most gifted in-ring performers the WWE has ever had. There can be a debate about the greatest female wrestler of all time, but there is no debate that Trish Stratus deserves to be mentioned in that discussion.

Vince McMahon sure loves to strut. He is a great worker and he knows how to wrap a crowd around his finger. The interaction between Vince and Paul Heyman was some of the best work the WWE has done in years. Paul is amazing in his weasel role. Even with video proof, he still denies the truth. He denies it so well, you almost believe him that he wasn’t in the video. That is some classic snake oil salesmanship right there. I would really like to see more Paul vs. Vince segments, they are good times.

Brock Lesnar comes out, and instead of giving the Devil’s grin, Paul Heyman seems to fear Lesnar more than Vince. That sells how dangerous Brock really is. Paul knows what is going to happen and he is telling the man who was about fire him to get out of the ring. It’s the little things. Brock gives Vince an Eskimo kiss and then breaks the old man’s hip. That is some Hannibal Lecter shit right there. I guess Paul keeps his job on a technicality.

Paul Heyman has under his wing CM Punk, Brock Lesnar, and The Shield. That might be the most impressive stable in pro wrestling history. Now they haven’t officially come out together, and Paul seems to keep each separate, but damn that is still impressive. I for one hope that WrestleMania has a War Games match with Punk, Lesnar, Rollins, Ambrose, and Reigns vs. DX (HHH, HBK, Gunn, Road Dawg, and X-pac). You could even toss Heyman and Vince on the teams like they used to do with JJ Dillon when the Horsemen had a War Games match. I don’t think this happens, but a guy can dream.

The WWE did some stuff right. They set the stage for their next PPV with Rock vs. Punk in the rematch & Team Cena vs. The Shield in an Elimination Chamber match. Plus they reintroduced Brock Lesnar and restarted his HHH feud. Aside from that this was one of the worst RAWs in history. There was an entire hour that I was ashamed to watch as a wrestling fan. The ratings were up for this show after a strong Rumble, and this is what the WWE had to offer. Shame.

In the end I just keep thinking about all that should be happening and all that is happening. That thought process usually ends with, “What The Fuck?!?”.

Monday Night RAW: A Tale of Two Shows

I’m a day late in putting up this review because the one I wrote yesterday was a tad harsher than the show deserved. Sometimes you need to read your own writing and let time take the edge off. Monday Night RAW was hard to judge this week because it was two shows at once. What I mean by this is: What kind of grading scale do you use for this week’s episode?

It was the 20th Anniversary show. If you look at it like that then the show was a miserable failure. Especially when compared to the 1000th show from a few months back. It also was the two weeks out from a major PPV show. If you look at it like that, and compare it to the last few months of RAW, then it was an above average show with lots of good action. There were even a couple of great segments that the WWE could hang their hat on. In the last say 15 episodes of RAW, this was in the top three. Then again that is like saying I’m the hottest guy in the room at a Dungeons & Dragons convention. Not a real lofty goal.

As for being the 20th Anniversary show, it sucked. There was so much build up to this show. It had the hype that this was going to be a big event with tons of surprises. It ended up being mostly a past RAW clip show. No Austin, No HBK, No Undertaker, No DX (of any kind), No Nash, and No real presence of the past besides a few drops in the bucket.

Ric Flair showed up, but he was here a few weeks ago on a not so special show. Mick Foley too, but he was Santa less than a month ago. Jim Ross came in to wrap up the show, but that has happened a ton since Lawler had the heart attack. I would have even liked a Ron Simmons, “DAMN”, but nope.

It’s not my checkbook but you would think the WWE would have planned better for such a big event. They did have a lot of the stars around in July for the 1000th episode. They could have locked down commitments then for this show in January. Also they could have brought back some of the mid-card talent from the past 20 years. I don’t think Vader, Dustin Rhodes, Steve Blackman, Dan Severn, or any of those types of guys were doing much on Monday night.

That’s my gripe with the 20th anniversary angle of the show. Now looking at this week’s RAW as an overall show. It was actually a good show. I think one of their better shows. Maybe not as buzz worthy as last week but a nice follow up.

The whole three hours really paced itself well. It didn’t start out setting the bar too high and it ended with another strong closing 45 minutes. It had a few surprises, and even a title change. Then again if the Divas title changes hands, and nobody cares, does it really count. It also had some head scratch moments, and a weird drunken Ric Flair moment.

The start with Vince, Big Show, and Alberto Del Rio was pretty cookie cutter. It set up their match at Royal Rumble. Vince got to strut around for a bit. There was even a Harlem Globetrotters spot. Not too hot, not too cold. Just a nice way to kick off the show.

The first shock of the show came when Reefer Randy lost clean in the middle of the ring to IC champ Wade Barrett. When Wade didn’t even get an entrance I thought for sure he was going to eat an RKO. Maybe the no entrance was a way to make the surprise win even more shocking. Glad to see the WWE putting a quality win under Barrett’s belt. I’m sure Orton will get his revenge.

I make jokes about the Divas division because lately it hasn’t been good. The amount of empty seats during the arena pan before the match proves that. A lot of people took this match as a chance to grab a beer and a bathroom break. In the end it was a really good match. I don’t know if it was because this was Eve’s last WWE match, but both ladies let it hang out. If the WWE had more lady matches like this one then the division wouldn’t be such a joke.

The real joke is 3MB. They are the new job squad. Just when you think they’ll get some respect by beating Sheamus in a handicapped over the top rope elimination match, they come crashing down with a post-match dismantling by the Super Ginger. The WWE does need good enhancement talent. So I guess that is 3MB. The paychecks must be nice.

The Dr. Shelby segment and the two matches involving Team Hell No and Rhodes Scholars were middle of the road. Bryan and Kane are great as a duo. They make me chuckle and they can both go in the ring. The same can be said about Rhodes Scholars. The Dr. Shelby gimmick just fell flat for me. Younger fans find him funny. They also think the Kardashians are good role models. I question their judgment of character.

The booking of the two singles matches between the teams made no sense. The #1 contender got crushed in both matches. Why would I believe Rhodes Scholars has a chance of winning in a tag title match when they both got steamrolled by the champs in singles action? Luckily this feud doesn’t have to sell any tickets for the Royal Rumble.

The better booking would have been wins for both Sandow and Rhodes with outside help from their partner. Then the next week do a reverse matchup with Sandow facing Bryan & Rhodes facing Kane. The first match has another partner cheating finish only to have the second match end in a double DQ brawl between the four gentlemen when Rhodes Scholars tries to cheat for a fourth time. That’s my humble booking opinion.

Now onto “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair and his appearance. I’m a HUGE Flair fan. Huge. In the history of this business there hasn’t been a better performer to lace up the boots ever. On the mic, in the ring, and everything place else in between he is the gold standard in pro wrestling. This segment was a train wreck. Flair looked like he was on the tail end of bad bender. Miz did nothing to help control the situation. Sometimes just winging it ends in a crash and burn. This was one of those times.

Antonio Cesaro actually brought the segment back up. His mic work was top notch as always. His little jabs at Flair were great. The end was good because it furthered the Miz feud. I don’t know how I feel about Miz becoming the new “Nature Boy”. It looks like from spoilers that he’ll be using the figure four as a finisher. All in all it was a weird segment, and not in a good way.

That reminds me. The Houston crowd was horrible. I don’t know if it was the growing disappointment in the lack of returning stars, or if they just had no energy, but that crowd sucked. They gave no reaction to any part of the show that didn’t involve pandering to the audience. Ric Flair comes through the curtain and they react like it is the Brooklyn Brawler. Then the end of the show they only get lively for calling Vickie a bitch, yet stick their thumbs up their asses when the champ and Rock get into a pull apart brawl. A crowd can enhance a show and they can ruin one. This crowd really brought the feel of the show down.

I enjoyed the part with Mick Foley and the Shield. I remember the mini-feud between Dean Ambrose and Foley. I was hoping for some mic time between the two. Having Ryback, Sheamus, and Orton come down for the save made sense. The shield is getting stuck in a rut as the WWE tries to tread water with them until after the Royal Rumble. It’s about time to move the group forward with whatever the WWE has planned for them. I personally wouldn’t mind a Free Bird style tag team title run. In fact I’ll take anything that gets the three men wrestling more often as all three are really strong in-ring performers.

Watching Brodus Clay’s entrance and then watching CM Punk’s entrance is a prime example of the gap in talent between the champ and the rest of the WWE roster. Clay looks like a guy playing a character. CM Punk just looks like he is that guy walking through the curtain. He has really blurred the lines between reality and wrestling. It’s refreshing.

On twitter I got into a debate with a couple people about Punk’s value as champ. Most went with him being the lowest rated champ in history as their position. Unless he is wrestling or on TV talking for three hours straight then he can’t be fully responsible for the dip. I would even say if it wasn’t for him being champ and doing everything in his power to keep the WWE name fresh, the ratings would be worse. I’m talking below 2.0 and barely hovering above TNA worse. As I said Monday night, “CM Punk is the life boat on this titanic of a WWE roster”. John Cena is the piece of scrap that the rich chick clings to as Leo sinks to the bottom of the ocean.

The match between Punk and Clay was good. Nothing special. Clay got in more offense than I thought he would. The production team missed Punk taunting the dancers after. It’s a small thing but it was a great moment. The promo after was top notch again. He made beating Brodus sound bigger than it was. He also twisted reality again. I can’t wait to see next week just to see what happens between he and Rock.

The cage match between John Cena and Dolph Ziggler was amazing. I loved it. Sure the end was a little weak. I mean Cena took big move after big move and beats Ziggs with one finisher. It’s super Cena at its finest. Besides that I loved the psychology in the match. AJ had great facials. Big E Langston is a monster. He plays the muscle role perfectly for Dolph. I am really digging the Ziggler circus.

Rumor is the WWE wants to split Langston away from the group. That would be a mistake. They need to add more people to Dolph’s entourage. David Otunga as his legal weasel plus two stooges would be great. More is better in this case, especially when Ziggler gets fully into his World title chase.

Again the match was great. It entertained and was easily the best wrestling on the show. It is the second straight week the WWE delivered a PPV quality match as their main event. I’m almost scared to get my hopes up for three weeks in a row. I’m sure this week will be some convoluted six man. It always is.

The Rock concert is what it is. The Rock does his usual shtick. I laughed. Vickie Guerrero is a great character. The crowd gets to get involved so that perks them up. Dwayne was a little weaker on the mic this week. His singing is karaoke worthy and his promo was shaky, but it did its job. The end pull apart brawl was great but the crowd took a crap on that because it didn’t involve letting them play along. I guess if they could have chanted something during it like calling Vickie a bitch or saying “Si, Si, Si” then they would have been more excited.

The WWE is doing a bang up job in prepping this feud between CM Punk and The Rock. Right now it looks like Rock is going to walk out champ. Even the WWE PR department is tipping the hat that way with their press release about Mania as they tout the rematch of Cena and Rock. I hope they swerve us all.

Next week is the go home show. There is a lot of strong segments that could, and should, take place. The focus will be on Rock and Punk. Ziggler & Cena should be good. Plus I’m looking forward to more Team Hell No, Cesaro, Barrett, and Rhodes Scholars. Also interested in the direction of “New Nature Boy” The Miz. That’s a lot to look forward too, which is a good thing.

The lack of pressure or expectation from this not being a 20th anniversary show should help the overall reception of the product. Then again that may be setting the bar too high as three weeks of quality television from the WWE seems to be a rarity these days. Like watching a good Divas match.

Monday Night RAW: Bring It!

If you’ve followed this site then you know the past three months have been a roller coaster ride without a safety bar. From the end of October until a few weeks ago I have dealt with the sudden diagnosis of my mom’s lung cancer. After treatments were less than successful, she has been downgraded to Stage 4 Terminal Lung Cancer. In December we decided to check her into hospice to make her transition from this world to the next as comfortable as possible. Nothing makes you grow up faster than helping plan your mom’s end of life details. She decided to donate her body to science. I think that is pretty cool. When my time comes I want a Viking funeral. Flaming floating boat and all.

Life is about balance. Dealing with my mom has been the lowest of the low. On December 24th my son was born five weeks early. That was the proudest moment of my time on this spinning rock. Having him in my life has been the highest of the highs. 2012 has truly been a roller coaster. With 2013 here I’m ready to ride the tea cups for a bit.

This Monday I sat on the couch with the little man and introduced him to pro wrestling. I hadn’t watched RAW in a few weeks. Mostly because holiday shows are wastes of my time. I started watching the BCS title game but Alabama turned that into a squash match early. Notre Dame looked like the Brooklyn Brawler of college football. I was waiting for the Crimson Tide to drop the leg. By 9:30 I flipped over to my DVR.

Monday Night RAW was really good this week. The last hour might have been the best television the WWE has produced in years. I want to really focus on that but here are a few notes from the rest of the show.

John Cena opening the show and not hogging the entire three hours helped the overall product. Not being in the main event picture suits him right now. I’m not saying John boy should never ride high again but he has really burned out the audience at this point. Helping guys like Ziggler get over is the perfect role for 2013 John Cena.

Speaking of Ziggler. I enjoy this new persona for him. Having AJ and Big E in his corner is perfect. He actually needs one or two stooges too. Like a Stevie Richards or Patterson/Briscoe. It would finish off the Ziggler Circus. I think this is Zigs year. AJ not being the focus of a storyline but a role player helps her too. She can’t carry a feud but she can sure spice it up. Big E plays his role to a T… a Mr. T.

I could write an entire article on Antonio Cesaro. He has put the US title back on the map. I actually care about it. He is great in the ring, and if you have a chance find his promo from last week’s WWE Main Event. Great stuff. How amazing was it when he picked up Khali for his finisher? I think a feud between he and Miz will be really good. I hope they keep the strap on him for a while. He is a future main eventer and will sell a lot of tickets for the WWE. Also got my fingers crossed that this Anti-USA thing is leading to a feud with John Cena. It could do wonders for both men.

It’s no secret that I’m a fan of Team Hell No. Just as Cesaro has resurrected the US title, Kane and Bryan have made the WWE tag titles relevant again. Their shtick makes me laugh. Yeah it’s childish but then again we’re watching grown men in tights grab each other. The crowd loves them and both men can have great matches with any talent on the roster. The tag division is heating up with a number of teams coming into their own.

Also Cody Rhodes has an amazing mustache. It is 70’s porn worthy.

Wade Barrett makes for a good IC champ. He is physical and has a great look. The WWE has to handle his run correctly. I still don’t think he has the tools to have a great match with anyone like an Antonio Cesaro. He’ll have to be paired with some good talents like a returning Christian or Rey Mysterio to help him make this a memorable IC title reign.

The show wasn’t perfect. The Divas division is in shambles. Nothing good can be said about it. Whose cereal did Kofi crap in? Big Show destroyed him and any credibility he had. Same goes for 3MB. I guess the WWE needs good jobbers. These weren’t big chunks of the show and more like breathers between the really good action.

Now onto that last hour … WOW!

I have so much more respect for Ryback. I still don’t like the “Feed Me More” thing but this feud with CM Punk has helped him grow. It is going to be important for the WWE to pair him with good talent beyond this feud. The TLC match between Punk and Ryback was PPV main event quality. It was brutal with new inventive spots. The two ladder bumps and the table bump that Punk took were insane. There is a reason he is the best in the world.

They told a great story and the end was good to keep Ryback strong, move him into a true feud with The Shield, and transition CM Punk into his match up with The Rock. Anyone who thought it was going to be Ryback vs. Rock at the Royal Rumble probably sends money to Nigerian Princes looking to share their fortune. As far as plunder matches like TLC go, this was one that should be studied by workers for years.

The last 40 minutes with CM Punk and The Rock was simply amazing. Jim Ross wrote that people shouldn’t look for a winner and he is right. These two were like Apollo and Rocky. They just kept tossing haymaker after haymaker at each other. Sometimes The Rock comes off a little campy but that is his character. If anyone else said Cookiepuss then I’d shake my head and groan.

CM Punk came out and cut probably the best promo in wrestling I’ve ever seen. He wove truth with twisted reality. He called out the fans and the WWE for being the problem with the product. It’s true that T-shirt sales are more important that actual ability. Fans have lost the want to watch wrestling and instead desire to be part of the show. I think it has gotten so bad that guys like Bret Hart or Chris Benoit wouldn’t have a chance in the current WWE. Not unless they are willing to show their ass on a regular basis. The reason for this … The Rock.

Guys like him with 90 catch phrases, who spend half their time trying to get the audience to chant whatever, are what ruined true wrestling. The Rock is what turned Pro Wrestling into Sports Entertainment. I love The Rock. I think he is a gifted performer. He has amazing charisma. Yet CM Punk is dead on when he points out that because of people like The Rock that true talent is buried unless they get out there and shuck n’ jive for the masses.

When the two finally went face to face I was sold. They didn’t have to say a word and I was ready to plop down $54.95 for the Royal Rumble in HD. Then they spoke and I was ready to order it twice. The Rock did his usual antics and CM Punk stuck to his guns.

Most people when faced with The Rock act over the top at all of his lines. If you could oversell an insult then it usually happens when facing off with The Rock in a promo. CM Punk didn’t do this. He shouldn’t. It doesn’t fit him. He took it all with a smirk on his face. He let the world know that it’s all a bunch of hot air and at the end of the day he is the WWE champ.

CM Punk finally did what a WWE champ or any active WWE superstar should do when faced with a part time talent. He let The Rock know in that ring he’s going to destroy him. Sure it’s a line from a Kid Rock song but when CM Punk said, “You’re arms are too short to box with God”, I leapt out of my chair. This is how pro wrestling is supposed to be.

Later this week I’ll be doing an Arm Chair Booker for this feud. I believe that the WWE needs to scrap any plans for Cena vs. Rock at WrestleMania and get these two into a real storyline for the next three months. The payoff will be huge. I’m talking Hogan vs. Andre huge. I’ll go more into detail in my Arm Chair Booker article. Look for it in a few days.

I’m geeked for more wrestling. Monday can’t come fast enough. The Rumble feels like it is a million days away and I want it to happen now. I haven’t felt this way about a PPV in years. Probably since the first ECW One Night Stand. In honor of that PPV I’m going with this war cry leading into the Royal Rumble, “If Rock Wins We Riot!”.

All I know is that The Rock and CM Punk for an hour on Monday Night did one thing … They Brought It!

Monday Night RAW: Shifting Gears

Missed in all the hubbub about a fan getting hit was a really good showing by the WWE last week on RAW. The last twenty minutes is some of the best television they have produced this year. The story told by Vince McMahon and CM Punk is a tape that should be studied by new wrestlers to learn how to do so much with so little. It also made me want to watch this week instead of Monday Night Football. I would say that is mission accomplished.

This week was another good episode of RAW. I believe it was the episode to sell fans on the Hell in a Cell PPV. Next week is a programming nightmare as RAW goes head to head with the final Presidential debate and MNF is the Lions vs. Bears. Both will take huge chunks of the audience with them. That meant last night was really the go home show for the PPV with next week being just a week to pad the numbers. There were some road bumps, but overall another step in the right direction for the WWE.

Big Show is an underrated talent. His size alone makes him a draw but he is really good at cutting a multi-level promo. He has done a lot for Sheamus while the WWE creative team treads water with the fighting Irishman until a real feud comes along. I think Survivor Series will be a fork in the road for both men. I’m still pushing for a team up of Henry, Tensai, and Show. Or as I like to call them, “HTS” for Half Ton Savages. Think about those three doing a free bird style tag team.

It’s no mystery that Daniel Bryan and Kane are riding a hot streak right now. They are becoming a true attraction for the WWE. Bryan had that crowd going nuts just walking to the ring. These two had a great opener, and once again Bryan proves he can wrestle any person on the roster to a good showing. Show, Kane, and Bryan are all in limbo as neither is in a real feud. Using the three to push their characters is a nice touch.

It also lets Sheamus work a mini-program with Wade Barrett. What an enjoyment that was. I love their chemistry and brutality. I like that Sheamus has yet to finish a match with Barrett. It keeps building up Wade and protects the champ. When they have their real “first” match it will have tons of buzz going into it. Can anyone else say Survivor Series? If Wade Barrett isn’t World Champ by the Royal Rumble then he is my pick to win it.

What happened to Brodus Clay? No entrance and getting jobbed out in a few minutes, rough. His gimmick is limited, but damn who tied a bag of rocks around his leg and dropped him off the WWE bridge? Del Rio is becoming a top tier heel. Poor Brodus is becoming a victim. ADR is vicious and his arm breaker is a feared finisher. He should get the win against Orton. Should. We all know nothing is certain against Reefer Randy.

Side note: Anyone else notice that the DUI dancer for Clay can’t hide the fact that each time Brodus loses, and gets closer to a gimmick switch, that she is a day closer to unemployment? She really is a dead woman dancing.

Kane vs. Striker, The PTP tag match, and Ryback were a bunch of time wasters. Luckily the WWE put them in a good spots. I am guessing the PTP will be the post PPV challengers for Team Hell No. It is good to build them up now. Kane attacking announcers and the GM abusing her power is getting old. Move the storyline forward. Having Vince take control of both shows seems to be the direction they are headed. I'm guessing before Survivor Series. What about AJ managing Ryback? Not a bad team huh. Poor Ziggler is the real guy in the WWE getting no respect. His career looks like his MITB case, beat up.

When it comes to the Diva division I am going to leave that as incomplete. The WWE has done a lot to salt the earth in this division. Honestly this is the time I did some quick clean up around the house before finishing RAW in bed. This had nothing to offer me at this point.

The lowest point of the show was “The 3 Man Band”. Horrible gimmick. Mahal looks so out of place trying to be two stereotypes at once. Wrestling gimmicks are like the streams in Ghostbusters, don’t cross them. Asian Cowboy didn’t work for Jimmy Wang Yang. Rock-a-Billy Hindu isn’t doing anything for Mahal. I like all three workers. They could be a good team. Just not this team. Also the live vignette in the Nashville bar was stupid. I checked on the MNF game at this point.

Antonio Cesaro on the other hand is a gimmick that is hitting. He is a gifted worker with a great look. His, “I’m the best US Champ because I’m not American”, story is great. It doesn’t do the campy old 80’s anti-America heel stuff. It is a fresh take on an old idea. I like that the crowd chants USA during his match. I would like to see Antonio act like the crowd is chanting for him. Who else would they be cheering for? He is the US champ after all.

Also Jim Ross on commentary did amazing stuff for Cesaro last night. Pointing out the little things on the replay was huge. JR truly is the greatest of all time. How many stars have been made just because of Ross? He gives each WWE superstar depth to their character.

Kofi vs. Miz is interesting. Miz is calling Kofi a sideshow performer when that is what most people have thought about Miz his whole career. I like that this is feud that is playing a bigger role on their ION show. It helps that product grow, and gives this feud more chances to expand. I liked their rushed match near the end of the show. That kick from Kofi was nasty. I’m sure it wasn’t planned to be so stiff, but damn did it look good. I hope Miz doesn’t have brain damage. If he is ok then that kick did a lot to open people’s eyes to this feud. Good mid-card battle here.

The Rhodes Scholars is a great team. I am so excited that tag team wrestling is on the upswing. There really are 5-6 strong teams right now. JR said it best last night when he stated that Team Hell No has restarted this division. I really hope the WWE is going to keep these teams together. They need some guys willing to give up the next 2-3 years to help bring the tag titles back to glory. I think that Hell No vs. The Scholars at the PPV could be the dark horse for match of the night. Next week against Rey and Sin Cara should be a good one too.

I’ve waited to cover the Punk-Vince-Cena story. This whole angle since last week has been the shining light for the WWE. Punk has developed this unique character that is part weasel, part ego-maniac, and part serial killer all mixed together with a sense that at the end of the day the thing that pisses you off the most about him is that he might be right; he might be “the best in the world”. Paul Heyman plays perfectly off Punk with his facial expressions. They are really a good mesh of talents. I hope the WWE doesn’t cut the legs off this beast before it gets a chance to really run its course.

Vince has been top notch the past two weeks. He hasn’t been overused. He isn’t his cheesy dancing make a dick joke self. He has a little of that attitude and swagger about him from a decade ago. You kind of expect that from a guy who two weeks ago was told by a top star that his current product is the drizzling shits. It’s weird that so many compare Punk to Austin, and it is Vince who really helps elevate both men. I would say that Vince makes Punk the anti-Austin. His in ring psychology last week was some of the best in a WWE ring this year outside of Punk and Bryan.

Finally, John Cena has done something that nobody thought possible. He has embraced the hate. He looks to be a man who HATES every bone in CM Punk’s body. He has no respect for the man. He wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire. It has been the one true emotion that Cena has lacked his entire WWE career. When the two hook up in a month or two, this will be something that makes that match up special.

The Cena injury might be the biggest gift the WWE has ever received. First nobody wants anyone to be injured. That is stupid. What I am saying is that the elbow has forced the WWE to slow down the pace of a really good story. It is no secret that Punk and Cena can deliver in the ring. Yet the WWE was ready to hot shot everything this month and leave a hole between now and the Royal Rumble. Now it is unfolding that the path to WrestleMania will be filled with tons of goodies.

This month we get Ryback vs. Punk. A match up that might draw more PPV buys than Punk/Cena Month 3. The big man is a hot ticket right now. Is he WWE championship material? Not yet. He can benefit from playing in the main event. Punk can make him look like a beast and then he can go rip the WWE mid card a new ass.  I am guessing somehow Punk gets out of HIAC with his title. Got Brock?

Next Month is the Survivor Series PPV. The last BIG PPV of 2012. It is already being leaked that a classic five man match is going be the selling point here. I am guessing either team Cena vs. team Punk or Team McMahon vs. Team Heyman. They’re kinda both the same, just depends on the angle. Ryback gets to play on team Cena and Brock can hang with team Punk. The rest fills in leading up to the PPV. I for one think having the winning team’s captain name the stipulation for Cena vs. Punk in December would be a smart decision. It adds extra buzz to the match without doing anything.

Like I said December is probably the best month for Punk vs. Cena. Not only is it the end of their feud. Not only is it for the WWE championship. The winner also goes on to face the Rock at the next PPV, Royal Rumble. That is a lot of different factors playing into this B-list PPV. It could be a real boon for the WWE to save this match for such a pay per view. It’s like a bonus pay day for them.

Finally there is the Royal Rumble and the Rock. The winner of the feud will be red hot going into this matchup. The Rock will bring it. A very huge way to start 2013. It is a great place to be heading into WrestleMania, which should be a top notch show this year.

Last night picking Ryback over John Cena, with no fight from Cena, was a move in the right direction. Cena stepped aside because he now wants something more than the WWE title. He wants the destruction of CM Punk. As I said earlier, he has embraced the hate. Now the WWE has the potential for five big PPVs leading into WrestleMania. That is something to get excited about.

Monday Night RAW had a good show for a second straight week. I think next week will be a wash with all the other options on TV. The WWE has shown some life after the shakeup in the creative team. The new blood seems to be paying off. I’m already looking forward to the PPV. I would say with these strong showings the past few weeks that the WWE brass has gotten the kick in the ass they need to finally begin shifting gears.

Armchair Booker: It’s All About WrestleMania

I haven’t really been in the wrestling loop the past few weeks. I even took a break from the internet for the weekend. Sometimes it is nice to be hold up in a spot that doesn’t even have cell phone reception. It lets you clear out your head, which is highly recommended at least once a year. Like an oil change for the brain. Then I came back Tuesday and waded back into technology. The first thing I saw was about CM Punk back fisting a fan. That made me hit the dirt sheets to find out more. The second thing I learned was that Vince McMahon verbally undressed his writers and gave the brain trust of the WWE creative team a swift kick in the pants. While the first had more sizzle, the second has more impact.

As far as CM Punk and the fans go, sucks that the guy got hit, but why didn’t he do anything to stop the mob of fans from pushing Punk down the stairs? Change the setting for a second. Take the WWE, Wrestling, and Fans out of the equation and look at it for what it was. If a guy is trying to be pushed down the stairs by a handful of people, and you’re standing less than a foot behind the person then isn’t doing nothing just helping those morons push the person down the stairs? It’s like the end of Seinfeld when they watched a guy get mugged but didn’t do anything about it. They went to jail, and this kid tasted the back of Punk’s hand. Justice is justice.

The kid who got hit isn’t pressing charges. Good for him. He didn’t have the balls to standup to the people around him who were trying to physically injure a person for their enjoyment. Maybe next time he’ll grow a pair and not let a guy get kidney punched & pushed down a flight of stairs. When we were kids and we did stupid shit then a smack on the head reminded us to not be an idiot. Seems this fan got exactly that. Had he stepped in and stopped a douchebag from being a douchebag then he wouldn’t have gotten a smack on the head. Lesson learned here: Grow a pair and don’t get smacked like a bitch.

Now onto the bigger news from the week: Vince McMahon is beyond pissed with the creative team, including preparing to diminish the role of his two senior writers and promoting some of the new blood. If you’ve been visiting this website for the past few months then you know I have no love loss for the creative team at World Wrestling Entertainment. They are old, tired, and burnt out. They haven’t produced a meaningful piece of television since maybe RAW 1000, and that really wasn’t their doing. This could be the transfusion of energy that the WWE as a whole needs to get over this stale hump they find themselves in.

It would seem that the WWE is under pressure from NBC to turn around ratings that have been in free fall since the switch to three hours and the beginning of the NFL season. The biggest issue being with the creative team that has the success rate of a drunken Ray Charles tossing darts. They could barely produce content for two hours of RAW and it hasn’t gotten any better by stretching the show to three hours. Some would say that the lack of compelling content also lies at the feet of the talent, which has a big drop off after the top tier of wrestlers on the roster. I believe that problem is also something you can attribute to the current creative team at the WWE.

There are undiscovered gems in the WWE right now. Their developmental system is stockpiled with future stars. Dean Ambrose, Kassius Ohno, Seth Rollins, Bray Wyatt, and Luke Harper are just some of the future talents that the WWE creative team hasn’t unleashed yet. The main reason being that creative has nothing for them on the main show just yet. How can you call yourself creative if you can’t create? That is why the WWE is in its current situation. They have a whole team that can’t do what their name suggests. It’s like football players who can’t play football.

Now the reboot has started. New minds are being put in charge. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a slew of firings and hirings that take place over the next few weeks. Somebody once told me it is never nice to talk about people losing their jobs. Then again if they did their job right, they wouldn’t be losing it. Nobody has ever a fucked up a situation by doing it correctly.

Since this is an Armchair Booker article then I’m going to lay out how I believe it is done correctly. I’ve never worked for the WWE. I’m pretty sure I’ll never work for the WWE. Not to say I wouldn’t like the job. I just don’t see it in my cards. First off, I’ve never written a sitcom. Second, I still call sports entertainment pro wrestling. In my opinion Sports Entertainment has never pulled a 5 share, but Pro Wrestling has. There is a difference between the two.

To start the WWE needs to build their WrestleMania. I would believe this has happened. It’s creative writing 101. You need to know your destination before you can map out your path. Not to say that the WWE should have the entire show timed out with detailed segments, but a rough idea of the four main events on the show should be hashed out by now. Honestly this should be done before Summer Slam.

Without knowing what you’re building to then what direction are your current shows pushing towards? Without direction you’re drifting. Having your four main events for WrestleMania planned gives you something solid to begin building on. The middle stuff, or filler, can be hashed out later, but these main events need to be what drives the WWE car from day one. If you know you’re doing Cena vs. Rock 2 then Summer Slam & beyond needs to keep that in mind.

I for one would actually stay away from Rock vs. Cena at WrestleMania. The Rock is coming back at Royal Rumble. His initial draw for WrestleMania is being used up by that appearance. Some fans will tune in to see him at Mania, but his real effect will be seen at the Rumble. Unless he is going to return fulltime, then his value depreciates with appearances that close together. He has a high burn rate, and two months apart is too close to be a double draw.

From what I can tell you have The Rock signed on for Mania. You also have Brock Lesnar. Add into the mix The Undertaker, HHH, John Cena, and CM Punk. Those are your drawing six. They will sell the majority of tickets and PPV buys. Daniel Bryan, Sheamus, Randy Orton, and Albert Del Rio are your second tier draw. They will move tickets and buys on their own, but nothing that tips the needle. I for one think by Mania that Bryan could be a draw, but right now he’s stuck in that limbo between the two. That is the ten talents you can build your show on.

To start I would determine what is the best possible true main event to close the show. This is the match that will sell the most and provides true sizzle. To me that takes HHH vs. Brock & Cena vs. Rock out of the picture. These sheep have both been sheared. They’ll push some sales but they no longer have the shine they once had. In fact I wouldn’t do either match on the card.

The Rock is a one match per talent type of wrestler right now. He gets the most bang for his buck when you can give him somebody fresh to feud with. He also needs to win at WrestleMania. It keeps his ego happy. Who is better for the Rock than Daniel Bryan? Bryan can protect Rock’s ring rust plus he has shown he can get over with any gimmick they give him. Rock vs Bryan has some roots in RAW 1000, and could be a solid 9pm hour main event. This is a really hot match that will blow a lot of fans away and is a possible show stealer. This slot on the card is the best place to put show stealers. It also puts a lot of pressure on your closing, or true main event, match.

John Cena is a draw for a select fan base. He has really burned out a good size portion of the fans. His true value is his hard work. He’ll never mail it in. That makes him the perfect bar setter. He should be the talent that is opening the show. He should be the man who says everyone has to be better than that tonight. That’s why I like Randy Orton vs. John Cena to open the show. They are both established talents. They have good matches with each other. Not putting either in a “Main Event” allows for a rehash of their feud. It’s not meant to be a ticket draw, but both have the ability to set the tone for the evening. That is very important for a big show. It might be why I have always considered the first match of a show as the second most important match behind the main event or closing match.

As for HHH, he’s going to wrestle. I just don’t think it should be Brock Lesnar. Their rematch should happen before WrestleMania. I would much rather see him in the ring with an Albert Del Rio. It’s fresh and the angle writes itself. ADR is HHH when he began. He’s a rich pompous ass with tons of talent. They can do a feud based around ADR being a younger HHH. The young lion will prove that the old lion isn’t who he used to be. The old lion will claim the young lion is him without the experience. They’re both good on the mic, and in the ring it should be a good story. I would say this is tailor made for the 7pm Main Event. Nice solid match up to keep building the night on. It will sell tickets.

With Brock free to fight then he needs to be tossing fists with the man who loves to fight, Sheamus. The young Irishman is being primed to be a top draw. He needs a blockbuster feud. The two would work very well together. Sheamus is a good rough and tough baby face. Brock is a great heartless bully. Their physical styles should mesh well together. Placing them as the 8pm Main Event should help protect them from any potholes. It’s the safest main event slot on the show.

That leaves the closer for the show. I for one would be keeping the title on CM Punk. He is a draw. Simply put, if he and John Cena stopped working for the WWE, then the company wouldn’t have a true ticket seller on the roster. He has a built in big match with Royal Rumble coming up. Punk vs. Rock will have an amazing buy rate. I explained a little above.

Personally I think giving Punk the win at the Rumble does a lot more for the WWE than having Rock win. First it establishes Punk as the man. Second it extends a title reign that will be hard to build again. One year plus makes it so that people will want to see if tonight is the night he drops the strap. Third, it allows for a matchup at WrestleMania that will be a true draw: Undertaker vs. CM Punk for the WWE Championship – Streak vs. Streak.

When Mania rolls around the Undertaker has built in buzz. His streak is something of legend. Another big streak is the days that CM Punk has been champion. A matchup that features the immovable object vs. the unstoppable force is always a draw. In this case it is streak vs. streak. If they meet, then one has to end. Will the Undertaker go 20-1, or will CM Punk have his nearly 18 month title reign ended? You’ll have to pay to find out!

Not only are the two names by themselves big draws. Not only are they going to put together an amazing match. They have the mystery about their finish that adds to the fire. Nobody truly knows who is going to win, and in today’s era of dirt sheets that is a rare commodity. It’s the kind of perfect storm that sets WrestleMania sales records.

The CM Punk vs. Undertaker WrestleMania match is something I have thought hard about. I actually have a creative writing mock-up of the feud. I will be putting that out in the next few days. Check back for the details on that. If I was booking it I would do something that no fan was expecting.

These five matches are the loose skeleton that the WWE can use to build their WrestleMania. There is a solid opener, and four top notch main events. The closing match is a draw that pulls from a variety of angles. This sets the table for the rest of the year, and allows for the WWE to begin pushing toward this end result. As I said earlier, they’ll have a destination and now they can map out the path. Just never forget, it’s all about Wrestlemania.